Too Belong
by FictionPanther
Summary: A war is waged to to untie Briton and protect the land from Saxons. Briton warriors must unite under a leader of their land. Family ties, angsty secrets, past pain, sacrifice,and love. The inner workings of the birth of a dynasty. One that was fought for
1. Prologue

Summary:A war is waged to untie Briton and protect the land from Saxons. Briton warriors must unite under a leader of their land. Family ties, angsty secrets, past pain, sacrifice, and love. The inner workings of the birth of a dynasty. One that was fought for and earned. LancelotOC/ TristanOC (all characters are in it including new ones) Romance/drama/angst/action/fantasy

(My first time period fanfiction so bare with me, pull out your soundtracks if you don't have it BUY IT NOW! And listen and read. I am weaving quite a story plus I brought ion Avalon not really as fantastical as it is said to be but regal in it's own way)

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A cool breeze wrapped around her as she stood on the shore watching the water crash against it. Her serenity was interrupted by the sound of footsteps behind her, she turned and her lifelong friend Kyla stood before her. Her red hair shined in the moonlight in the deep midnight blue dress of velvet that hugged her adoringly.

"Viviane calls for us" She gave her reason for the intrusion to her peace.

She nodded picking up her red gown to walk over the grass easier. Her blonde tresses were clasped back but strays still played in the wind. Kyla followed as they made their way to the Lady's sleeping quarters.

They walked in and the warmth of the fire flushed their creamy complexions quickly. The Lady of the Lake sat at the table full of food. She gestured for them to take a seat. They did and as they did they noticed another occupant of the room. It brought a smile to their lips as their eyes laid on Merlin. He bowed his head slightly to the daughters of Avalon.

"Rome is receding from Briton. Saxons are coming" Merlin began pointedly. The two girls eyes widened in shock.

"Arthur will need us…..you" Viviane said looking at Lourdes.

Lourdes snapped her gaze to her and her eyes narrowed slightly. "Arthur will return to his precious Rome"

"His faith in Rome his dwindling. He will not return. He will fight for Briton, he will lead Briton." Viviane informed.

"I owe nothing to him; we have chosen our destinies. I have not seen him for eight years." She looked at Merlin. "I have kept my oath. I have never raised my blade to Arthur or his knights. Neither has Kyla. I swore him that"

"They are like brothers to us, that is why" Kyla said gently placing a hand on her arm.

"You have something to go back for I do not. My brother wants no part of me and I want no part of him." She stood abruptly and walked to the window folding her arms. As if trying to hold on the pain of those memories.

"The knights will be free, what if they leave? Will you let him die?" Kyla bantered.

Lourdes sighed. "They deserve their freedom, let them go. My speed bless them."

"Those men love you like blood, have missed you dearly" Viviane interjected.

"Like I have said, he will not join us." She looked at Viviane, an anguish in her at the thought of seeing her brother again.

"You are a stony woman, Kyla narrowed her eyes. You think I do not know what part of your reasons were for running to Avalon."

Lourdes whirled at her" Dare you, She advanced on her quickly. Ever you speak of that again, may you pray the goddess gets you before I do" The three occupants reared back slightly at her rage.

Kyla looked at her the fear and pain in her eyes. Lourdes met her gaze her mind working quickly to take it all in. "Arthur can rule Briton, he can unite the peoples of this land and defeat the Saxon"

Lourdes looked up at him she closed her eyes for a second then reopened them. "When do the knights leave?"

"Two days the Bishops carriage arrives" Viviane answered.

Lourdes looked at Kyla and smiled touching her cheek. "Let Kyla go with a few of our guard, not that we need them. We are the Raven Warriors. She can see them before they leave. I will go to Arthur the day after they leave for their homes." She then turned for the door as Merlin and Viviane nodded in agreement.

Kyla wasn't satisfied. "You won't come say goodbye." Her brow furrowed as she stood to follow.

Lourdes stopped at the door. "You know why I left why would I go back now." Her tone was vile and clipped. The animosity had set in years ago. All she lived for was her ways, her darkness, her will to fight. She gave a rue smile then walked out.


	2. Chapter 1

The legendry knights filtered in gleefully to the roundtable. The Bishop was to rest then they would receive their papers. Tomorrow they would leave for Sarmatia. They would be going home. Their ale was brought and they began to chatter happily.

Jols was at the entrance to the housing dealing with the horses. As he made his way to the stable three riders strode in. Jols looked up, his eyes widened and a smile broke across his face.

"Well I'll be….Kyla" She dismounted her hoarse. She wore a huge grin and hugged Jols.

"I had to come say goodbye before they left"

"Come, come, they are in the hall." He grabbed her hands and pulled her quickly in towards the hall as her to guards tended to the horses.

The knights were in a chuckle when the door opened and Jols appeared. He had a joyous grin.

"Arthur we have a guest"

Arthur looked at the knights and then back at Jols "Show them in" He stood as the knights followed suit. Kyla appeared in the doorway and walked in and couldn't help but smile at seeing the knights. They all looked shocked at her. She walked farther into the room.

"Kyla" Arthur spoke as if to make it real. He hesitated and beckoned her with open arms. She went to him quickly hugging him.

"Well I'll be…." Dagonet went and hugged her as she released Arthur.

The knights smiled at seeing their friend again. Seven years they had spent together, it had been to long since they last saw the two girls. Galahad followed Dagonet and kissed her hands with a smile.

"We haven't seen you in so long" Lancelot said.

"Since the day we left" She walked over to him. He pulled her into a strong hug and kissed her cheek.

Finally her gaze met Tristan's. He walked up to her and held her face "Avalon has treated you well" Then gave a sideways smile before crushing her tight.

"I have missed you my friend" She whispered to him. Tristan moved his head closer in response pressing her closer.

When she pulled away she looked at Arthur he looked at the door expectantly. As Bors spoke to her "Come here and give Bors a proper welcoming" She laughed and he grunted as he hoisted her up in a bear hug. The others laughed then noticed what Arthur did. No one else was joining her but her guards who stood silently in the corner.

She looked sadly at Arthur as she went to him. He put her hands in his looking at her with such hope in his eyes it broke her heart. "Lourdes?" He asked.

She sighed looking at the floor closing her eyes and answered with a shake of her head. He grasped her desperately. "She is alright?" He questioned.

Kyla looked up quickly. "Perfectly, she is in good health." She saw the occupants relax visibly.

"Where is she?" Bors asked.

"In Avalon"

"Why did she not come?" Gawaine asked. As Dagonet brought a cup of wine to her.

"She did not think she would be welcomed. So she bid me to come cause I wanted to see you before journeyed home" She drank her wine thankfully for the conversation was going to soon turn possibly ugly.

"Not welcomed?" Lancelot rebuffed and she turned to look at him.

"Things were not well between her and Arthur when she left. She knows your loyalty to him. She did not want tension between you in your last day here." Her answers must tread lightly. Lancelot saw a look in Kylas eyes though. Something that she wasn't saying, maybe couldn't say.

"She did not wish to see me you mean" At Arthur's words Kyla turned to him.

She grabbed his arms desperately. "No she does, she longs for her brother. She wished to see you so badly; she almost went to your battles to see you. She misses you so, all of – you" Her words hesitated when she looked at Lancelot.

"Send word then tell her to come" Dagonet spoke suddenly. Arthur looked at her.

"It would not reach her in time, She has probably left already" Kyla closed her eyes suddenly at her revelation. This was going to get ugly for certain now.

"Left where?" Galahad asked.

Kyla sighed heavily "She is coming the day after tomorrow to see you Arthur, after you knights left."

"AFTER! We left?" Tristan's voice cut in curiously.

Kyla knodded. "What aren't you telling us?" Bors asked.

Kyla had to think quickly she dared not tell the truth. "She did not want the tension; she does not know if Arthur would refuse to see her, she did not want to chance all the men she loves as brothers denying her. It would be too much. She loves you all too much to lose you all over again"

"Yeah love the opportunity to put a bow in Lancelot's arse before he leaves" Bors laughed. The knights chuckled, even Lancelot. Their fiery game of cutting words was always fun to watch. They did not get along well.

"Then we will wait another day to see her, at least I will" Gawaine held his glass in salute, as did the others.

"I say I will as well" Dagonet joined.

"She owes me a dance" Bors raised his glass.

Tristan raised his "You have no rhythm."

"I got twelve kids!" Bors yelled at him.

"Eleven" Galahad corrected as the room laughed.

Lancelot raised his glass. "I shall wait as well, wouldn't deny her the opportunity of a final quarrel with me" Kyla smiled sadly. Lourdes was trying to avoid this; she made a mess of it.


	3. Chapter 2

Authors Note: I must tell you my first time period fiction, so the battles scenes try as I might may not be that great I am going to try hard for you though. So try and cut me a little slack. Envisioning never gets the same effects written down. Once again music is key GET THE SOUNDTRACK! It carries the emotions of the scene.)

A blanket of white whipped around her as she waited in the road. She watched as a she heard hoofs beat the snow. All she saw was the eyes of the stallion as he blended blank against his white surroundings and the rider all black looking like a death-crone. Her blonde hair was tamed by beads and a few braids. Her dark gown made her pale skin to look like the stallion blending with her surroundings. Her midnight blue gown hugged her sealing some warmth that her black hooded cloak wrapped around her shoulders provided. A glint of the gold chain like belt rested on her waist the extra lay in the folds of her skirt. She turned her head up to look at the rider as he reared his hoarse to a stop.

"They are headed for the lake we crossed this morning. Most of the troops are still in that area. The Saxons are close behind them" He told her.

She nodded and turned to the trees and beckoned her horse. The black steep trotted to her obediently. She climbed into the saddle. "Let's watch them from the lake. If I know Arthur he'll fight at some point. They will need our help to get those people to safety."

Her scout nodded and began to lead the way. She followed backtracking towards the lake.

From their watch point in the rock hills surrounding the lake she saw the caravan begin to cross. She watched the knight's converse as the drums were heard in the distance. She sighed "Take troops and position them where the Saxons will come in and be ready at my command." The woman next to her clad in the black pict paint and design nodded with her dagger in her teeth and crawled over rocks to reach the others. Lourdes made her way over the rocks to place herself behind the Knights as the Caravan began to make its way off the lake to safety. She saw Kyla between Tristan and Lancelot. She eyed the other woman next to Lancelot between him and Arthur. She saw the Saxons make their way onto the lake as she walked closer still unknown to be behind them. She neared and heard Lancelot speaking to the woman.

"Many a lonely men over there" Still the same old Lancelot.

The woman eyed him then replied "Don't worry I won't let them rape you."

Finally she was close enough to them. "Personally I would" The nine companions turned to the feminine voice. Seeing her advance on them she held her dress up slightly to walk her hood pulled up. She stopped and the hood turned towards Arthur. " Once again Arthur I will have to save your arse like when we were kids, She pulled her hood back. The knights smiled while still eyeing the Saxons. Cause like always you never choose your battles wisely." They were in speechless at seeing her all their bows ready.

She turned to Kyla "Kyla call them" She looked at her and Kyla let a grin spread across her lips. Kyla shouldered her bow for a second cupping her hands and a low whistle was heard followed by a high pitched one.

"Lourdes" Was all Arthur got out looking back at the Saxons. Kyla slipped off her cloak as Lourdes did the same. Lourdes started out across the ice.

"What are – Lourdes" Arthur called.

"You don't have a weapon" Bors added.

"Yes I do" was all she replied.

They watched her bows ready just incase. She stopped ten feet away on the ice. They watched as she raised one hand in a gesture of a circle in front of her. They eyed one another as a few seconds later the snow by the Saxons kicked up as they began to shoot at her. They watched as the mist crawled in suddenly from no where. They lowered their bows in amazement looking at one another. Guinevere looked at them shocked.

"The mists of Avalon" Bors said as he watched the mists envelop the Saxon. They saw shadows of something moving into the mists.

"Those are wolves" Guinevere squinted to see. Kyla now by her side they called out in a dialect they didn't know.

"Raven Warriors" Guinevere whispered. Arthur and Lancelot exchanged a look. "Why would the daughters of Avalon be here?" She inquired.

"Lourdes! Kyla!" Galahad yelled as the others looked and Kyla and Lourdes walked into the mists where the strangled cries of battle were heard. The knights picked up their weapons preparing to go in after them. They heard another call ring out. The shadows of the black warriors climbing the rocks was seen as well as wolves following them. Kyla was the first to come out walking across the ice back towards the knights. They looked for Lourdes and saw her silhouette emerging after hers. She walked out of the mists and walked to the side then she walked a line in front of the Saxons pointing her finger at the ice as she did then began to walk away as the knights heard the ice crack and they looked down and could see cracks forming. They looked up as Lourdes was only a few feet away. They heard it break farther down the lake and Lourdes once again raised her hand making the gesture again only this time it was reversed. The mists began to clear. They saw the Saxons dead on the ice and screaming as they fled to the land as they fell into the lake with their dead comrades the warriors and wolves had taken out. The knights looked at one another with soft chuckles. Lourdes grabbed her cloak putting it back on. She turned and began to leave the ice.

"Where are you going?" Arthur ran to her grabbing her arm.

"Back to my people to tend to any wounded. I will meet you at the wall" She looked at him. She held a neutral expression, but she was terrified about how he was going to act towards seeing her. She pulled her arm free she whistled and her hoarse appeared as she reached the land. They watched as she mounted it and with a kick of her feet was gone.

"You just let her leave?" Gawaine asked stunned.

"She said she would meet us at the wall" He answered slightly dazed at her sudden appearance.

"Told you she would come" Kyla smiled. Arthur smiled lightly in return holding her hand comfortingly for a second.

"Well lets get going boys, our freedom and a sister awaits" Bors yelled as the knights chuckled at his excitement. "Hell our girls are back" He raised his fist in the air as he made his way to the horses.

Kyla laughed as she walked over to Tristan. "You called the wolves?" He asked.

"Yes, you could say it was my gift from Avalon" She grinned as she watched Tristan's appear and they followed the others off the lake.

"Why did they show up? And how do you know them?" Guinevere asked Arthur.

He stopped short looking at her as Lancelot mounted his horse. "She is my sister, and she, Arthur pointed to Kyla. Is just like a sister to me."

"Your sister is a Daughter of Avalon?" She eyed him.

"Seeing as you fight along side them you should know them." Lancelot jabbed.

"They are like blood to us, yes, but yet still you fight against your own sister?" She eyed the knights.

"You know nothing of what you speak" Arthur got on his horse and rode off. Kyla walked up to her as the other knights turned to begin riding. Kyla pulled Guinevere onto her hoarse and took off to follow.

"I will explain it to you" She smiled at Guinevere who smiled back now knowing who and what she was. She felt a sense of home riding with her.


	4. Chapter 3

The Caravan reached the fort an hour ago. There was no sign of Lourdes yet. The knights sat around the roundtable with Guinevere and Kyla drinking and celebrating their freedom. The door opened and their heads whipped around anxiously. Jols came in.

They looked at him expectantly. " The Lady of the Lake and Lourdes are here, they wish to speak with you" Arthur nodded, as Jols eyed the others. "In private" He added.

Arthur looked at the others." Give me a few moments with my sister and the Lady" The group grabbed their glasses and headed out of the room. Once they had all left Jols opened the door he had come through and gestured for them to enter.

Viviane walked through first a crimson clock adorned her over the white gown she wore underneath. Her hood sat far back on her head showing her face clearly. Her age barley showing, her raven colored hair contrasting the white of her gown. A regal wise woman. Just like his mother had said. Arthur bowed to her as she extended her hand to him. "Lord Artorius you need never bow to me" She smiled.

"I beg you call me Arthur" He kissed her hand and eyed the other occupant of the room. She stepped foreword pushing her hood off. She stepped up next to Viviane. Arthur stared at her and she stared back. An intense gaze they couldn't break taking one another in. Tears sprang to his eyes, his sister, his friend.

"Arthur" She sighed finally breaking the silence. She bowed her head to him in respect. He did the same. There was a tension filled few seconds before her grabbed her and crushed her to him. The tears slipping from the corner of his eyes in relief.

"Eight long years, I have missed you so" His voice cracked under the strain of his tears. She clung to him and he smiled.

"I thought of you often" She replied.

"Why did you never come back to see me." He held her out to look at her noticing the tears bordering her eyes as well now.

"I doubt they would have let the enemy in so willingly" Her eyes narrowed slightly.

His grip tightened on her arms. "You are not my enemy."

"Your words were different when I left." She jerked her arms away stepping back from him.

"You left me to fight with our adversary, the people Rome were against." He stiffened his stance.

"You told me I was dead to you, and You to me as well. I choose my allegiance to our mother's blood and her people." She retorted defending her decision.

"Arthur—"Viviane reached for his arm. He held up his hand closing his eyes, asking for her silence.

"The Rome I knew is dead. I know the Saxon are coming. You are my sister I love you more then the air I breathe. You were never dead to me. Anger and pain cause hurtful things to be said that were not meant" He looked at her.

"Arthur I need you—we need you. " She gestured to the space around her. "This land, your people need you." Her words were direct and to the point. He sighed heavily turning away from her.

"The Merlin has spoken to you?" Viviane asked.

"Yes he has, I received my freedom today and you ask this of me." He turned and paced lightly. Then turned back to them "To cast it away when I have worked so hard for it. I have earned it as well as my men." He looked at his sister and Viviane his jaw clenched.

"We are not asking them to stay. They have their freedom, as you have yours. We ask you to stay. Ask is all we can do. Merlin speaks the truth Arthur our people are strong; we need a true leader of our own people though. You are him. It is your destiny as it was my destiny to go to Avalon. All of this you have worked for, Fifteen years Arthur! This will be the last free country in these lands." Arthur stared at her as if mulling it over.

Viviane stepped foreword. "Arthur you will rule this land, with the sword of our people, Viviane touched Excalibur where it sat on his hip gently. Rome has failed you. Your fathers land. You can unite your mothers, lead it, and rule. If not the Saxon will claim it, and then they will come for Rome." Arthur eyed them both.

"Don't let both our parents lands fall to barbarians." Lourdes touched his arm pleadingly.

He turned leaning on the table silent for a minute. "For now can we just be joyous in your return. " Lourdes looked to Viviane. She nodded and Lourdes went to her brother pulling his arm to turn him towards her.

"Of course, she raised her hand to her cheek. I am here now." She smiled. "I never lost you in my heart. I kept my vow and we never crossed one another in battle."

"That you did, he cupped her cheek. My sister a warrior, a solider." He chuckled.

"It's in her blood" Viviane smiled.

Arthur chuckled." Do you and Kyla win?"

"We never lose" She grinned. "We had great brothers we watched closely."

"Those brothers are now waiting impatiently I would not doubt to see you again."

"Well let's not keep them waiting." She took his hand. He turned to Viviane "My Lady would you like to meet my Knights?" He offered his hand to her.

She tilted her head in a slight bow "I would be honored" She slipped her hand into hers.

They made their way towards the little Tavern of Vanoras and met with Jols on their way.

"Lourdes" He smiled and she hugged him. " It's so good to see you."

Arthur smiled at the two." May I introduce you to the Lady of Avalon, Viviane" Jols bowed his head. "This is Jols our squire"

"We welcome you" Jols said Viviane nodded her head to him.

"Jols would you please make sure that the people of Avalon are tended too, and that they are treated well."

"Yes, I'll see to it" He took off right away to Arthur's task. As they came to the outside area of the tavern the Knights were scattered about each doing their own thing. Their heads turned and quirked up as Arthur came with the two women on his arms. Kyla smiled and rushed to hug Viviane then to Lourdes and stood by her. The knights all stood slowly. They eyed the women Arthur spoke in the silence of the reunion.

"Knights, I would like you to meet Viviane. He looked at her. The Lady of the Lake, High Priestess of Avalon." He smiled at her. The knights looked amazed.

"Oh my…" Vanora exclaimed in a whisper.

Guinevere walked up and bowed to the lady deeply then looked back at her awestruck.

"Guinevere we saved her in this last mission" Arthur looked at Guinevere.

Viviane held her chin in her hand. "Lovely" Guinevere blushed and smiled appreciatively.

"My lady Welcome to Hadrins Wall" Bors held out his hand and took hers holding it in-between his hands and bowing his head.

"Bors" Arthur named him "This is Galahad"

"Your reputation precedes you, My Lady" Galahad now took her hand and kissed it.

"Yet does not hold a candle to the beauty we see before us" Dagonet smiled a whimsical grin at her.

"Bless you child" She wrapped his hands in hers and bowed her head to him as he bowed his.

"That is Dagonet" Arthur continued as they stepped up one by one. "Tristan our Scout"

" It's an Honor" Tristan stood before her Viviane stepped foreword and hugged him pressing her cheek to his. Kyla and Lourdes saw her whisper something to him. When she pulled back Tristan had a gracious smile.

Gawain went to her twitching slightly, nervous. She smiled at him as he bowed his head she placed her hand on it in acknowledgement. "Gawain" Arthur smiled as he walked away still twitching.

Lancelot looked at her as she turned to him. "Lancelot" She said before Arthur could. The others looked at her "My reputation is not the only one that precedes the owner."

Lancelot eyed Lourdes who already wore evil grin "My Lady it is a pleasure" He bowed his head; Viviane grabbed his face though and looked at him. "Why Lourdes he looks nothing like a pig" Viviane grinned at her playfully.

Kyla looked at Lourdes as did Arthur who was holding back a chuckle. The other knights laughing away at him.

"To each their own" Lourdes cocked her head.

"I think he looks more like an ox's ass myself" Bors interjected. Lourdes looked at him with that lopsided grin. He opened his arms wide. Lourdes ran to him and he bear hugged her much like he had Kyla. Dagonet was at his side She turned to him and he enveloped her she thought she could hide in him.

" Hey save some for the rest of us" Galahad and Gawain stood behind her.

"Oh look at you two" She put her hands on Galahad and Gawains cheeks. "Handsome as ever." She hugged them both wrapping an arm around each of their necks. She turned and found Tristan. He looked at her through the hair in his face. She cocked her head down lightly as she gave him playful look.

She pulled him to her and hugged him. "You were sorely missed" He whispered to her. She looked over his face when she pulled away. "As were you" She glanced at Kyla and so did Tristan. She kissed his cheek.

"Saving the best for last" She heard a voice behind her. She looked at Tristan and her eyes narrowed.

"How did you know Tristan was always my favorite?" She turned to Lancelot.

He looked at her, he was anxious to hug her and know she was real. "You would deny me a hug after eight years?"

She eyed him 'Something's never change'. "I would" She agreed.

"Lourdes, it's been eight years. Your feud has not calmed even slightly in that time" Arthur asked. She went to turn her gaze back to Lancelot but he had grabbed her and wrapped his arms tight around her. She returned the hug, after eight years it was wonderful to be with them again. She closed her eyes as his hold tightened.

"I missed you" He whispered to her.

"I wish I could say the same" She replied sadly. He pulled back to look at her. She put on her grin and he narrowed his eyes playfully at her.

"Not even a little?" He asked.

"Not even" She shrugged and walked towards her brother. The knights once again chuckled trying to hold it back as Lancelot stood their watching her walk away. He shook his head.

"Vanora I need more wine, he held up his glass. Seeing as the Lady Lourdes is back and has that sword still in her arse." Kyla erupted into a loud laugh but put her hand over her mouth at Lourdes' glare. Viviane and Arthur turned their faces to mask their amusement as they heard the snort and muffled chuckles of the knights. She whirled on Lancelot.

"Let the games begin" Gawain whispered to Bors.

"I'm sorry if I do not care for men with the morals of a Saxon, Who treat women like commodities, playthings, you are arrogant, conniving, and a pig. Thinking you are a God to women, so handsome and caring that woman piss themselves when they see you." Her voice getting louder with each sentence.

Lancelot turned to her smiling. "Did you really?" He asked mockingly.

Lourdes flared. "No, she stepped forward. When my ladies at Avalon asked of the great Knights and bid me to regal the tales to them, she paused and looked at him. When they wanted to know all about the great Sir Lancelot, the lover, I had to tell them the truth." Everyone looked at her including her brother curiously.

"I told them you were a eunuch; her answer was non-chalant. Why else would you wield two swords but to compensate for your lacking." The knights were turning red from holding in their laughter Bors didn't he let it rip loud and Kyla bit her cheek as Arthur shook his head.

Viviane smiled eyeing the pair. Such animosity, such pride between them. A story she knows well, seeing as she was Lourdes' confidant. She their eyes, she saw the potential.

"If you will excuse me, I am going to see to my warriors." She walked away leaving Lancelot to realize that she was fully back. All the hate, all the evilness of their friendship, if you could call it that. He watched Kyla walk to Tristan as the others were telling him to laugh it off, he knew how Lourdes was. He watched the way they looked at one another; nothing had changed for them either. That secret passionate love they had despite their denial of its existence. He looked at the ground then up to where Arthur stood talking with Guinevere he knew that look was there for them as well. He put down his cup and walked away from the tavern.


	5. Chapter 4

Kyla sat with Tristan as Viviane sat with Arthur and Guinevere at the table in front of them. She laughed gleefully with them as they cheered at one another's jokes and to their freedom. She felt at peace with them around. She brought her glass to her lips to drink and looked at Tristan, that always calm and impassive look on his face. She eyed him.

"Avalon taught you many things I see" He met her gaze.

She squinted her eyes"How do you know?" She questioned curiously.

"Well you called the wolves; you have a stature to you now." His response was absentminded as he watched Gawain once again pick on Galahads baby face.

"All priestess' have the stance of the goddess. Her connection to the wolves I believe was instilled in her before she reached Avalon" Viviane interjected. Tristan looked at her and she smiled at him.

"You my friend seem enchanted by Avalon" Arthur turned to him.

Tristan shrugged slightly drinking his wine. "I admire their carefree spirits and ancient ways."

"It reminds you of home. Of something you can remember. Sarmatia embraces many of our ways and traditions" Viviane added placing her hand on his.

Tristan looked at her and his eyes warmed it shocked everyone to see. His lips quirked and he smiled.

"You are inspirational, My Lady" Arthur looked at her amazed at what she brought out in people.

"Arthur you are just as inspiring to your people, and I do not mean Rome." Her words were gentle to let him know it wasn't a prod for their cause, only true kind words.

"You should visit Avalon Tristan; I believe you would find many things there that you can appreciate." Kyla suggested. Seeing his eyes sparkle with curiosity and intrigue. Yes, something maybe to bring some peace to the battle he fights inside all the time.

He looked up at her for a second contemplating. "I'll consider that"

"You will come to consider a great many things, Viviane spoke. Viviane smiled at Kyla then turned her eyes back to Tristan. Maybe you have already" Tristan looked down at his glass, and Viviane had to restrain a chuckle.

Lourdes walked along the path to the stables, only place she hadn't looked. She didn't know what made her want to do this, but she did. She turned and walked in the stables lit by torches on the wall now. She saw him moving in a corner stable. He was making sure his horse was ready for the journey home tomorrow.

"I expected you to be drinking till dawn in celebration." Her words startled him and he swiveled around quickly. He looked at her. Standing in the middle of the stable, her stature was commanding and powerful, regal even. Like that of the goddess she praised. Kyla had it as well now, to see them so different but still so much the same was odd. Lourdes always held that position of commanding and powerful, yet now she had an output for it and earned it. To see Kyla now so tall and proud made him smile. Avalon had changed them in many ways, yet he still saw so many of the old ones too. Lourdes with this station having a reason to wield it and use it would make her terrifying to some men. Like the Lady Viviane herself. Kylas would grant her what she has always wanted with the strength she now carried.

He stepped out of the stall." It is not dawn yet" he pointed out.

She just eyed him not moving, just looking at him, her face unreadable. "I came to say goodbye"

He looked perplexed " You would not even consent to missing me, why waste the courtesy of goodbye on me then" His words were mocking as he folded his hands in front of him leaning back slightly to await her answer.

She looked at the ground sucking the corners of her mouth that made a clucking sound as it opened to answer "Clearly it was wasted. I should have known better, we are not capable of civil words between us." She turned to go.

"That is not of my doing!" He roared. He undid his hands stepping forward exasperated. "You have had nothing but poisonous words, and a disgusted look for me since the day we met"

She turned back to him that vile look returning to her face. "What else would I have for a man such as you?"

"What have I even done to you?" His eyes widened holding his hands in front of him now gesturing at her.

She stood silent taking a deep breath. Her gaze strong against his yet she could not answer. He leaned his head forward cocking it to the side waiting for the answer. "Do you not have a reason?"

"My reasons are my own, I don't answer to you." Her voice took a low tone. "If you must have one though, she took a step towards him. It is because you treat women like animals, put on this earth for your purposes and nothing else. You are arrogant, self righteous, and pig headed."

"You are just as self righteous and stubborn. Casting your brother aside all these years." He pointed at her then threw his hand out to his side in gesture to Arthur.

"You know nothing" She spat and turned once again to leave.

"What was your real reason for leaving?" She stopped mid stride. He knew he was right, she had left for other reasons. "I know Arthur better than any other, as you do. He would have made peace before you left. Knowing you longed to be with your mothers people. Yet you made sure there was no peace, you made sure you had no reason to return here. Why? He longed for you so badly, praying you would return, his only family."

She just stood there not moving her back to him. He switched his weight to the other leg intolerantly.

"Huh? Why return now when he is to return to Rome, knowing you will stay here. Ripping him apart once again at losing you."

"Once again my reasons are my own; I do not answer to you, or any man." She said over her shoulder then left. Lancelot looked at the stable doorway where she left then at the ground shaking his head lightly before turning away biting his lip angrily. He was leaving tomorrow and he would never have the answers. The mystery of Lourdes, her hate, her stony disposition, her icy words, and vile looks. He would never have reasons. The reasons he longed for to understand. To know why she was the way she was. Her years away had only intensified her contempt it seemed.

Jols ran into the stable. "Lancelot you must come to the wall." He looked panicked. Lancelot furrowed his brow and took off in a quick stride.

Lourdes, Kyla and Viviane watched as Arthur and Guinevere ran up the stairs. Lancelot and the other knights stood across from them. Arthur looked out as did Guinevere. Saxon covered the entire land in front of them. He turned to look at the knights, then the three women of Avalon. He stepped foreword looking at the people in the courtyard, the terrified looks on their faces. He turned back to the others; he looked at Lourdes and Kyla, then Guinevere.

"Knights, my journey with you must end here. May god go with you." He turned and walked away down the stairs. Guinevere looked at the three women as Lancelot looked at her. There Lourdes saw it again the look in his eyes. He took off after Arthur glancing at the three women as he passed. Viviane and the other two women followed. Lourdes stayed listening to Lancelot plead with Arthur and she took a deep breath looking at the Saxon army again. She looked at the other knights, stopping at Tristan. He took off as well going to seek Kyla knowing now why the women had returned. Lourdes turned seeing Guinevere and Kyla listening intently to Lancelot and Arthur. She made her way down the stairs, stopping at Viviane who was at the bottom of them. She saw Arthur leaning close talking to Lancelot then walking away while Lancelot wore a pained expression. He looked up locking eyes with her. She proceeded to walk away.

Lancelot realized as did Tristan as he watched her walk away, and the rage flared in him as he took off after her. Guinevere and Viviane stood together, Kyla had disappeared. He went on his hunt for Lourdes.

Tristan pulled Kyla away from the crowd. "Why?" was all he asked as he pulled her into a quiet corner.

"It is Arthur's choice" He replied sternly. Tristan looked at her his eyes angry and doubtful.

She sighed. "Tristan, you do not understand. This is his destiny. His Rome does not exist all he has now is Lourdes and his people, Briton is his blood."

"This is impossible to win" He shook his head.

"No it isn't we will band together and fight. She looked at him holding his face. You fought all these years for something you did not believe in and you won. We believe in this, and Arthur, we have to believe we will prevail."

He looked into her eyes. "You could die tomorrow."

"I know and it would be worth it, a fight for freedom." Her voice was a whisper. "Take your freedom and live out your life with happiness Tristan, finally find that happiness you have been denied for so long. I know you will be safe that's all that matters. That the danger is over for you." He couldn't take his gaze away. The painful realization that this would be the last time he saw her. He leaned down and captured his lips with hers in a surge of regret. He held her tight as she let the tears run down her cheeks and hugged him to her just as tightly.

She pulled away turning her face away and Tristan looked at her. "Go, please. Let's leave it please" Her voice cracked trying to hold her tears. Tristan wiped one of her cheeks kissed it and walked away. She leaned her head against the wall and let it all out, she would have to go to Arthur and Lourdes very soon, and she wanted to get it out before then.

Lancelot got to her room and barged in Lourdes and another woman was with her and they turned at his abrupt entrance.

"Get out" he snarled at the woman, she trembled looking to Lourdes. "OUT!" He yelled. The woman scurried out and he slammed the door. He turned to Lourdes who just stood their calmly. "So this is why you came, it was a statement more then a question. To take away his freedom and chain him to your cause." His hand rested on his word as the other one clenched into a fist his brow furrowed in anger.

"I chain him to nothing, it was his choice."

"Like he would deny his sister, the last of his blood, the one person he has left." His anger increased.

"These people are his blood! This land is his land" She pointed to her window as she yelled her retort.

"This is not his fight!"

"It is his fight! This will be his land, all of it. He will unite these people! He will rule this land. You all could Lancelot. These people, my people believe in Arthur and you. We do not deny any of you your freedom though. You have earned it; you did your duty to Rome! This is no longer your fight" She pointed at him.

"Only death awaits you, it is hopeless." He threw out his arms trying to make her see.

"I know I can lose tomorrow, I will gladly forfeit my life for the greater good of my kin. For what I believe in." She pointed to herself as she replied. "I have faith Lancelot, unlike you. You fight for nothing but _your_ freedom. You and the others finally have it so go!" She now gestured wildly to the door.

"What would you have me do?" He asked desperately.

"Nothing, but have a safe journey home. Find your family if there is any still alive and enjoy the rest of your days. It is what you have always yearned for. You have it. This is Arthur's choice! He will not perish tomorrow, I will make certain of that. I will give my life for his if need be." Her words firm and commanding as she looked at him.

Lancelot shook his head. "You are your brother's image when it comes to stubbornness and strength." He looked at her. "Arthur would do the same for you."

"I know, as he would for any of you" She turned to ready things for tomorrow's battle.

"So you fight, I only hope your people are as good they claim to be." His tone was sarcastic and she turned to him.

"You have fought Ravens before"

"We always won too" The sarcastic smile now joined to tone.

She advanced on him till only inches apart. "Because you never fought against me, my blade was never at your throat with the opportunity to kill you. I made an oath to Arthur" Her voice was a menacing whisper.

"I always knew you wanted to kill me" He smiled irritating her. Her eyes narrowed and she turned away.

"Goodbye Lancelot" She folded her arms; he eyed her for a minute and sighed leaving the room. She heard the door shut and took a shaky breath "Goodbye" she whispered to no one.


	6. Chapter 5

Authors Note: Okay like I said before I am a monkey doing a math problem when it comes to battle scenes. I cry every time at this scene and had to watch it a millions time to try and get all this right or to seem at least ok LOL. So please bare with me I tried.

Dawn came on them quickly. Arthur stood on the hill as he watched the caravan leave. Viviane next to him on her white steed. She in Avalon battle attire, the black markings on, her black tresses pinned back gracefully. Bors looked at them and left the line and rode to him raising his sword "Artorius! RUS!"

Arthur looked at him and the other knights then held up his sword "RUS!" The knights looked around only seeing Viviane and Arthur.

Kyla and Lourdes watched them from their vantage point. Kyla let silent tears track down her cheeks and took a shaky breath. Lourdes looked at her. "Not now, you need to have your wits about you" She pulled the reigns of her horse and turned him to go check some things as she rode away though she had a single lone tear trek down her cheek her only show of sadness at their departure.

Viviane watched as Arthur talked to the Saxon. Her eyes surveying the battlefield. Today would be history. Her trained eyes picked out where her people were. She watched as Arthur held his sword to the Saxon then rode back in through the gate that closed behind him.

They stood together watching the Saxon army the drums had begun and it made the horses antsy. "My Lady" He caught her attention. She looked at him.

"May our people's freedom reign and we have victory today" He looked at her and she stood straighter. She nodded happily. For first time he thought of Briton as his people it gave her a surge of empowerment. He took her hand, looking at her.

"We will prevail." She squeezed it reassuringly. They watched the Saxon arm themselves and form for battle. As they watched they heard hooves behind them. They turned and as they did Lancelot rode up between them. Arthur looked at him and smiled, as Lancelot nodded and smiled holding his staff. He turned to Viviane and she smiled at him as well nodding her head to him. They heard more horses as the other knights joined them. Arthur and her looked around at them overjoyed, as they all smiled at one another and looked to the field.

Kyla Looked up and saw the knights on the hill. She nudged Lourdes and nodded to the hill with a huge grin. Lourdes looked and she smiled. She nodded her head and they took off for the hill.

The knights looked as Lourdes and Kyla rode up to them. "Knew you couldn't resist a fight" Kyla grinned.

"One of _our_ choosing for something _we_ believe in" Dagonet replied. They took them in. Kyla wore a black top that was sleeveless and cut low to show her Avalon markings of animal claws. It was held together in the front with ties showing the black markings down her chest. She had a Celtic mark on her cheek and bands around her upper arms. Two holders for her daggers much like Bors' crisscrossed so they sat at her sides. She had an axe strapped to a belt on her waist, with leather ties around the waist of her pants.

Lourdes and her both had their adorned with beads and tied back with leather straps form their face. Lourdes wore a leather top wrapping around her breasts it had one long sleeve and was laced in the front holding it together you could still see the chest cavity and the black mark down it. She had a celtic mark next to her right eye and to bands wrapping around her was it joined to a large elements symbol on her back. She had dark bands around her upper arm like Kyla. The dark line that joined the two at her chest was connected to a celtic design across her collar bone. She also had a holder strapped around her shoulder holding her sais to her back. She wore a strap around her pants leg holding a dagger to her thigh. The arm guards for their bows covered markings on the wrist.

"You look positively barbaric" Gawain looked at them.

"Why thank you" Lourdes sneered. She turned to Arthur as the knights looked out. "They are sending a small legion in" Arthur nodded and turned to his knights.

Viviane stopped him with a hand on his arm "Let the Ravens go, it's only a small party, don't waste your strength. He is wanting us to show our plan now, let's not give in to him."

"Viviane—"

She cut him off. " The main army is the battle we need to worry about, the woads and ravens can take care of these ones quickly." She pushed. Arthur looked at Kyla and Lourdes; the knights followed his lead eyeing them.

He nodded Lourdes smiled and met Lancelot's gaze before she turned her horse. She watched the small group of Saxons enter the gate. Kyla looked at Tristan he gave her a smile. The small group saw and started for the knights. Lourdes pulled out one of her Sais as Kyla made her way down the hill to tell the other ravens. Lourdes looked towards the woods and raised her sword; they saw arrows fly and watched as it slayed the small army. Then the Ravens ran through the thick smoke taking out more. Lourdes raised her sais again as Kyla returned to her side. More arrows flew threw the air. Then the Ravens came through again. What was left of them was taking out one another in the smoke. The knights watched they had no idea what the plans were since they had not planned on being here. They watched as one Saxon retreated. They made their way down the smaller hill by the cemetery.

They drums began again the battle cry and the Saxons made their march to the gate. Viviane looked to the hill they had vacated and the Merlin now stood their. She looked to Arthur. "I must go up to help." She turned her hoarse around and went back to the hill.

Arthur turned to his knights. "Knights! The gift of freedom is yours by right. But the home we seek resides not in some distant land; it's in us, and in our actions on this day! If this be our destiny, then so be it. But let history remember, that as free men, we chose to make it so!"

Lourdes and Kyla nodded smiling proudly at their brothers. They looked back out at the field and saw the Saxons splitting up one half heading towards the woods. Arthur looked to the woods. Getting ready, once they all crossed the mark, he threw up Excalibur. They watched the fire arrows fly through the smoky sky. They landed and a fire broke out forming a line down the battlefield. Then the looked up to the main hill. Viviane and Merlin stood there. The knights eyed the large catapults. He raised his arm again. The Merlin yelled out they started hurling enflamed rocks, the knights couldn't tell. Putting holes in the Saxon lines. The waods screamed as they ran from the woods and met the Saxons and the battle began.

Kyla looked at Lourdes. Lourdes nodded and turned to her brother and his friends.

"It's our cue, wait and charge in with the villagers, give them three waves now that we have the knights." Lourdes held her horses reigns tight.

"Three is better then two." Kyla added as the knights eyed their sisters. "You'll need all your strength don't waste it early"

Arthur nodded "Come back safe" He whispered. Lourdes took a deep breath and looked at each of the knights, her eyes lingered on Lancelot. As Kylas gaze held Tristan's.

Lourdes pulled out one of her Sais as Kyla took off blowing a small horn that she had at her waist. Lourdes looked at her brother again. "May the goddess be with you my friends." She jerked on her hoarse and took off down the hill. They trotted foreword to see Kyla riding in with the Ravens and Lourdes was right behind them. All they saw was a mass of bodies.

Their eyes watched carefully trying to keep and eye on the girls but they were lost in the mass quickly. Arthur kicked his horse and they took off down the hill.

Kyla ran on her steed smashing at her sides with the ax. She jumped down hitting the horse in the arse to get it to take off. She made her way towards the wall. She charged her ax down at one saxon and his shield deflected it she spun around catching the unguarded area and took him down. She saw Lourdes making her way in still on her horse. She threw one of her daggers at burley man attacking one of her own. She ran and retrieved it quickly making her way to the wall to help the villagers with their fight.

Lourdes fought her way through before being pulled off her horse to the ground She kicked with a yell at the Saxon and stabbed one of her sais through him when he came back at her. She caught another in the leg before slicing his throat. She saw more waods charge in through the fire where Viviane was. She made her way to help her. As she struggled through fighting her way she saw the knights charge in with the last of the villagers and woads. She jumped back on her horse kicking a Saxon in the face along the way and took off for Viviane and Guinevere.

Kyla saw Bors get knocked off his horse the wind knocked out of him and saw the Saxon running for him. She slung her dagger and caught him in the chest. She ran retrieving it and kept going. Bors grabbed his ax getting up.

Her eyes landed on Lancelot, he got a side wound as he fought on his horse. She was quickly pulled back to fighting again as a Saxon came at her from the side. She swung around out of the way and he pushed at her with his shield. A woad came and axed his back and her arched and she sunk her daggers into him.

Lourdes made it through the fire and jumping off her horse as a an ugly Saxon cleaved one of her ravens with his sword. She kicked him forward and he fell flipping over quickly as she held both her sais ready for it. She had a sinister smirk. She loved to fight, the adrenaline rush. Her gaze caught something over his shoulder and she felt cold all of a sudden. Lancelot crossed the fire and was fighting the Saxon Kings son. Saving Guinevere, defending her, he had purposely sought her out. He had been by Arthur who was on the other side of the field. A pain clenched her and she charged and the Saxon charged She blocked the sword and hit his shield with her other sais then kicked his legs out making him kneel sinking her sais into his neck and taking his head off.

Gawian went down and Arthur went to help him. Dagonet she hadn't seen or Galahad, they must be up by the wall or the other side of the fire. Then she saw Dagonet fighting by the firewall. She spun taking out a Saxon with a blow to his spine. As she spun she saw Tristan fighting the Saxon king across the field. Her eyes widened and she started fighting her way to him. Arthur still fighting not to far off to her side. She fought all she could. She saw Tristan go down holding his ear before being throttled by a saxon. She punched him the dagger slicing his face open and kicked him away. Tristan still held his sword and was up. She continued on her path.

Lourdes made her way furiously through saxons. She had taken a hit to the leg but nothing major. She saw Lancelot still fighting the son. He was giving Lancelot a good fight. She slammed her sais into a saxon helping a man who was being strangled. He whirled on her punching her with the shield she fell. He went to slam his ax in her but she held up her sais and caught it punching the other sais into his gut. She saw Guinevere down the way now fighting. Viviane she caught site of and she was strangling a saxon with a rope as other Raven and woads stabbed at him.

She had almost made her way to Tristan. She saw him on the ground and the Saxon king pick up his sword. She had yet still to get to him yet. She turned "Arthur!" She screamed and Arthur looked and she looked back to Tristan. He looked where she did as he pulled his sword form the throat of a Saxon. Tristan was down, badly. She saw him nod and take off for him as she did. She was to damn far still. She threw her dagger and it landed in the Saxons leg she ran pushing her way through. The Saxon turned away to pull her dagger form his leg. She ran kneeling by Tristan. The Saxon came over her and grabbed her hair to cut her and Arthur appeared catching his side with the sword.

"Get him out of here!" He commanded as Kyla looked him over he looked at her breathing heavily. She looked around Dagonet was now on the other side of the fire fighting with Viviane then she saw Bors. She whistled knowing her horse would come "Bors!" She yelled. He turned and saw Tristan on the ground. He took out a few Saxons making his way to her as her horse arrived. "I need you to get him on the horse" She said quickly Bors lifted him up over his shoulder and cried out as from his back wound. As he lifted him onto the horse Kyla went to get on but was stabbed in the side. She hollered. And swung her arm around catching him in the neck. Bors helped her on the horse as she rode holding Tristan as best she could and the reigns and fighting with the other arm but Bors was helping. He called to Galahad when he saw him. Galahad came over and helped get the horse through to protection. "It's alright Tristan hold on" She whispered.

When Lourdes looked up again she saw Lancelot kick the king's son off him and pick up his swords to begin fighting another Saxon. Lourdes saw the crossbow just as the son did. She went numb, she turned taking of at a sprint dodging everybody she could. She was maybe thirty feet away but in a raging battle like this it could take her and hour to get to him. It seemed like everything went into slow motion. She ran with all her might. Lancelot wasn't looking. The son had the crossbow now. He was setting it right. "No!" She yelled. " Lancelot!" She was almost there. She would never make it to the son she had to make it to Lancelot. As she crossed into the sons view he shot. Lancelot had just pulled his sword out of a Saxon and was turning. She was inches away.

Lancelot turned swearing he heard his name. He saw a streak of black that was Lourdes as he turned. She was inches from him and just as he turned she arched violently with a gasp having the wind knocked out of her. His eyes widened as he saw the tip of the bow sticking out of her chest. She grasped his shoulder and his arms went to support her. He looked at her in shock his mouth open. He saw the arrow sticking out of her back almost going clean through her. Then saw the Saxon son behind her a few feet away. He heard Viviane scream "NO!" And looked up to see her running, Guinevere and Dagonet looking up with her scream. He looked back at Lourdes, everything jumbled together inside of him. He was in shock, he couldn't speak. Lourdes brought up the sais still in her hand weakly and handed it to him. "Finish him" her words were gurgled. He had dropped his swords to catch her. He took it then looked at the son as Lourdes slide down him to her knees, losing her strength. Lancelot flung it with a wild yell and it landed in his chest.

He dropped quickly with Lourdes as she fell sideways and he caught her in his arms. Viviane, Dagonet, and Guinevere were still fighting their way through to them.

"No, he looked at her. Lourdes" He slipped his hand in her hair it had come free in the battle. She had blood coming from the corners of her mouth. Her breathing was labored and she looked at him. "Why?" His brow furrowed. He searched her face as his voice cracked. "Lourdes stay with me" He called to her eyes roaming not being able to focus. Finally they landed on him again.

"You'll be happy to be rid of me" She gave a weak smile. She closed her eyes.

"No, Lourdes, Stay with me. Don't do this." He shook her. He screamed to the sky holding her rocking her. Viviane and Dagonet reached them. Lancelot would not let her go though.

"Lourdes, my child, come back to us now" Vivaine spoke as she and Dagonet looked her over. Guinevere stood by them. She looked wildly at the scene and looked up searching for Arthur.

"She is still breathing it may have missed her heart" Dagonet said eagerly.

"We need to treat her NOW!" Viviane said sternly. Lancelot still wouldn't let her go. He just stared at her and looked at them. Lancelot got up with her, the battle had winded down and he could get through easier.

Guinevere looked desperately for Arthur still. Lancelot carrying her limp body in his arms. He held her close and tears slipped down his cheeks.

"Don't you dare leave, don't you dare, stay with me. Where is your stubbornness?" He whispered the commands sternly. Dagonet and Viviane in close pursuit. Finally Guinevere saw Arthur off to the side by the wall she took of running.

Arthur watched her running towards him. "Arthur!" She yelled and he took off running to meet her. "Arthur" She said out of breath when he reached her. She looked back and saw Lancelot ahead of them already rushing her through the other wall. Arthur looked up and saw his sister's body in Lancelot's arms.

His eyes wide in horror, Guinevere turned his face to look at her. "She saved Lancelot; she took the arrow for him. She is still breathing"

Arthur gazed manically taking in the information then took off after them. He raced through the field littered with bodies. "God be merciful please" He whispered the plea as he made his way through the gates.


	7. Chapter 6

Authors Note: You try to capture and emotion sometimes that just can't be captured. I wanted heartwrenching for Lancelot don't know if it worked but here you go. I am loving writing this story and thank you so much to those of you for reading it. Janell, Readerfreak, Kals Gal, your support is great.

Galahad and Bors carried Tristan into the fort Kyla on their heels as they got him to his room. They began stripping his armor off trying to get to his wounds. Kyla got her satchel with her herbs and supplies in it. A gift Avalon blessed their priestesses with, healing. Tristan took deep labored breaths and groaned as his jacket and shirt were stripped away.

She saw the deep wounds on his next and two deep ones to his chest and side. She got clothes and handed them to Bors and Galahad as they watched.

"Press them to the wounds" She instructed she grabbed a vile of something spreading it over the cloth pressing it to the laceration on his chest. He sucked in his breath and looked at her. She smiled weakly. It was bleeding badly as she pushed on it she grabbed a root of some kind and pulled her hand away pressing the heard to the open flesh. She watched Tristan's face tense and his jaw tighten.

She grabbed a liquid substance Bors and Galahad watched. She pulled back the cloth to see the blood still seeping out but not as badly. She poured it on his would and Tristan grabbed Galahads arm who sat at his other side.

"What is that?" Galahad asked as he watched.

"It is cleansing the wound to help ward of infection." She wiped the substance away pulling the dirt and grass from it. She saw the bleeding was slowing down. She rubbed a salve over it and grabbed a bandage. She grabbed a clean cloth and gestured for Bors to come by her. "Here press this against this to help and try and slow the bleeding down more."

She went through each would one by one. Tristan watched her as she worked, her eyes caught his occasionally. He was tired, the pain and the battle, wore him out. Kyla grabbed her herbs and walked away from the bed for a second. The knights looked at her then back at Tristan.

"I'm fine" He looked at their worried gazes. Gawain came in as she made a drink for Tristan with certain herbs to clam his pain. She had stitched three of the wounds including the harsh one she was worried most about and was tending to his neck injury now. She looked up and Gawain was pale. The other to knights looked at them.

"We won, it's over" He said softly.

"Arthur?" Galahad asked.

Gawain nodded "He is fine, Lancelot as well." Kyla smiled and took a deep breath as Tristan relaxed into the bed, his tension loosening knowing it was over. Gawain looked at Kyla her back turned. Galahad and Bors looked at him and knew something was wrong. Gawain shook his head quickly for them to hold their questions.

Lancelot was ushered quickly by Viviane and Dagonet down the halls till they reached Lourdes room. Dagonet stripped his Armor off, and Viviane looked for Lourdes' satchel. Lancelot laid her on her side on the bed. Viviane sat the satchel on a table next to the bed and climbed on it to get close to her. Dagonet took Lancelot's spot at the side of the bed as he pulled off his armor to help them.

Dagonet looked at the arrow at her back as Viviane looked at the front. She looked at him. "We will have to cut off the tail of the arrow and push it through."

Dagonet sighed and grabbed his dagger as Lancelot watched. "You want to push it through her more?" He yelled.

"It can't go out the way it came in the arrows head will do twice the damage going back through. It isn't even fully out of her. We have to get the arrow out without adding more damage to her." Viviane spoke to him. "Now are you staying or going?" She stood in front of him.

"I'm not leaving her" He retorted looking at her then Dagonet.

"Well come hold her, she'll need the comfort as we work." Dagonet got up. Lancelot took his spot sitting behind her slightly to the side to avoid the arrow. Viviane got cloths and opened the satchel. Lancelot wrapped his arm around her shoulder and saw all the blood covering her and seeping from her wound. He took a deep breath as Dagonet stood behind me and Viviane in front on the other side of the bed. Dagonet took hold of the arrow cutting the end off.

"Hold her tight she can't jerk around, she'll probably wake for this." Viviane caught Lancelot's eyes. He nodded holding around her shoulders and waist giving them room to work. Dagonet took a deep breath and pushed slowly. As Viviane took hold as it came through.

Lourdes' head shot up and she screamed. Lancelot looked at her. He saw the arrow coming through her chest and closed his eyes. He held her tight and she grabbed his leg that sat next to her. She squeezed and her body went stiff as she whimpered through it.

"Shhh, you have to be strong" He whispered in her ear as her head fell back as Dagonet stopped pushing. He grabbed cloths getting ready to put pressure on her wound as Viviane pulled it all the way through.

"It's almost out, hold on precious" He whispered to her. Her breathing was deep. He was just happy to see her breathing. She gripped his leg and screaming again into his neck as Viviane pulled it free from her. Lancelot saw the blood pour from her as he held her in a sitting position. They looked up to see Arthur in the doorway and Gawain behind him both white as snow looking at her.

"Get him out of here Gawain; don't let him see her like this!" Lancelot yelled and Gawain fought to pull Arthur out of the room, he was frozen.

"Arthur, I love you" He heard Lourdes whisper. He looked at her as Dagonet and Viviane examined the now gaping wound.

"Lourdes" He whispered her eyes were closed but her lips were moving.

"Lancelot, she sighed, make sure Lancelot is ok" He looked at her in awe.

"Keep her talking" Viviane urged as she looked at her wound.

"It punctured through her lungs." Dagonet finally said. Viviane grabbed something form the satchel.

"Lourdes I am here, I am fine" He looked at her. She opened her eyes slightly and brought up her hand to his face.

She just looked at him. "See I am fine" He tried to smile as Lourdes winced at something Dagonet did to her back. Then she coughed and when she did he saw the blood.

"She is coughing up blood" He was panicked.

Viviane wiped her mouth and kissed Lourdes forehead. "Be strong Lourdes." Then looked to Lancelot "Try to keep her talking, keep her conscious."

"You have to be stubborn now Lourdes, finally we have use for it" He said. Pick a fight was the only thing he could think of. She would never walk away from a fight with him.

She just looked at him; he saw tears spring to her eyes. "You were helping Guinevere" He just looked at her his brow furrowed. "I saw you ride to her." She moaned as Viviane worked on her. She ran her hand over his cheek. His eyes met hers and he searched her. She was too weak to hide anything at the moment.

"Why did you save me?" He asked he couldn't help but ask.

She didn't answer as her eyes rolled back and she passed out. "No, No! Lourdes wake up. Stay here. Stay with me" Lancelot yelled. Viviane grabbed more things from the satchel and set about making a drink for the pain. Lourdes coughed as Dagonet worked fiercely to get her bleeding to stop. She coughed up more blood.

"Lourdes!" Lancelot shook her slightly. She looked at him as he wiped her face. The blood was all over, all over the three of them.

"Answer me" Lancelot tried making her mad again by demanding her.

The tears once again in her eyes. She blinked and they fell down her cheeks silently. "Let me go" She whispered to him. His eyes went wide as he looked at her, at the sadness in her eyes. So much finally showed on her face right now. "Please, she grabbed his arm as he laid his forehead against hers. He took a shaky breath, the pain he felt was too much for him as she pleaded with him to let her die.

Their foreheads still together he looked her eye to eye. "You're not going anywhere" and he kissed her temple as he buried his face in her hair.

Kyla sat next to Tristan cleaning him up of all the dirt and blood, Bors and Galahad had gone outside with Gawain. She couldn't shake the feeling something wasn't right. She stroked Tristan's hand and he in turn had his thumb stroking her hand.

"Something is wrong" He said. She looked at him. "There is too much whispering going on" Kyla nodded getting the uneasy feeling again this time intensified.

She stood up." I am going to go find the others, rest" She instructed and he nodded his response.

She entered the hall and saw the three knights standing their and they had tears in their eyes. They looked at the ground avoiding her gaze. "What is going on?" Her brow furrowed in fright. Arthur turned the corner at that moment. She saw him and Guinevere approach and they were crying as well.

"How fairs Tristan?" Arthur asked.

"He will be fine he needs rest. We got him out in time. What is going on?" She asked desperately grabbing his hands, the fear choking her almost.

"Kyla--" Arthur swallowed as he tried to talk. He couldn't as Guinevere put her hand on his shoulder.

Bors stepped foreword "Lourdes" He said gently. The color drained from Kyla's face. Her sister, her life long friend. She shook her head the tears quickly came.

"She saved Lancelot; she stepped in and took an arrow for him." Kyla looked at them confused, she searched all their faces.

"Shes gone?" She whispered.

"No, Gawain stepped forward. Viviane and Dagonet are still with her. There hasn't been any word though."

"Lancelot?" She asked.

"He is with her" Guinevere answered. "She was very brave. Nobody would have made it to him in time"

"What happened?" Kyla asked as she held Arthur's hands still and her head lay on his chest as they clung together. The other knights looked intrigued as well.

Guinevere looked at the ground "He was fighting to help me; we were fighting the Saxons son. He came to my aid. Lourdes saw the son go for a crossbow. She took off for him. She ran straight to Lancelot, he was fighting another Saxon and did not see what was happening. She ran trying to shield Lancelot; the bow caught her in the back going almost straight through her." Guinevere's voice wasn't more then a whisper as tears ran down her cheeks. Kyla balled into Arthur's chest. As the knights looked at one another bewildered and sad.

They waited all they could do. They decided not to tell Tristan yet. It was another couple of hours before the door opened. Dagonet came out followed by Viviane. They were covered in blood, trying to clean themselves off. The group looked at them anxiously.

"She is alive" Dagonet gave them their answer and they all visibly relaxed.

"It will be tense till she gains some of her strength back. She could still fail us at any moment. She is unconscious; she'll be out for some time. Her body has shut down needing to heal. She is not out of danger yet." Viviane explained.

"I want to see her" Arthur said gently wanting to see her for himself to quiet his mind. Viviane nodded smiling placing a hand in his.

"Come let us go help on the field there is still many injured." Dagonet said and the group followed except Viviane.

She turned to Arthur as he went for the door. She stopped him. "He refuses to leave her side" was all she said and then she left down the hall following the others.

Arthur entered the room and Lancelot looked up seeing him then turned back to Lourdes. He held her hand stroking it gently. Arthur looked to his sister and she was pale, very pale. He saw her chest rise and fall shallow, but there. He closed his eyes looking to the heavens. Then looked to his friend. He was still covered in her blood now dried. His face was smudged with it, his clothes soaked, his hands red, down his neck. Arthur closed his eyes again. The agony and turmoil on his face to horrible to bare. Lancelot got up not saying a word he walked to Arthur.

"I will go clean up, return later. Let you have time with her." His eyes met his friends warily. He went to walk away and Arthur stopped him. He looked to his friend and Arthur saw his friend crumble before his eyes. The tears flowed down his cheeks.

"Arthur, I am so sorry" His voice pleading and desperate as he held out his hands to his friend.

"My friend, it was her choice to protect you." Arthur's voice was gentle.

"It was meant for me Arthur! Not her, this wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't even know she was there." He paced then looked to the floor. "I held her and watched the life bleed from her. Begging even your god to spare her." He looked at Arthur as he cried out, he needed it. "Why?" Lancelot looked to the heavens himself begging for an answer.

"I went to help Guinevere. The saxon was taking her down. I didn't see him get the crossbow; I didn't see Lourdes till it was too late." He sighed wiping his tears, then turned to Arthur.

"There was nothing you could do but what you did my friend. You got her here and she is still on this earth." Arthur put his hand to his friend's cheek. "I thank all of you for that." Lancelot looked at Lourdes laying there bandaged up.

"She begged me to let her die" His voice so soft he didn't know if Arthur heard him. Arthur gripped his neck now and Lancelot turned to him. "She woke up as they pulled the arrow from her. She thought I was you at first, said she loved you, and said to make sure I was alright." Arthur kept his gaze on him intensely. "She said she saw me ride to aid Guinevere, that I saved her, he looked at the ground and back up to Arthur an anguished expression on his face. Then she began to cry and begged me to let her go, to let her die" Lancelot swallowed hard and looked at the ground. Arthur eyed him then his sister wildly.

"Why would she wish die" Arthur was looking at Lourdes.

Lancelot joined his gaze. "I wonder that as well." Arthur and him hugged as they looked at her and both men wept like children.


	8. Chapter 7

Authors Note: Okay kind of a bland chapter but needed something in there. Anyway I have some pretty cools tuff planned for this story I think. SO Ia m glad your enjoying it.

Janell your inspiration for I am so happy when I get your reviews thank you.

Readerfreak like Mcdonalds I'm lovin you LOL

Dawn you need tell him to quite with the apples LOL

Lancelot stood over Lourdes' bedside staring at her. She was alright; it had been a week now. Her breathing was still shallow, and she hadn't moved really at all. She was still breathing though and that was all that mattered. He had hardly left her side. Food didn't appeal to him, sleep was something that came seldom and when it did was only for small amounts of time.

He couldn't stop staring at her, afraid if he did or if he left she would be gone when he returned. Arthur had come and spent half his days here talking to her and sitting by her side. Kyla, Viviane, all the other knights had come, even Jols and Vanora. Tristan was still recovering confined to his bed, they could only hold of telling him for so much longer. Trying to not worry him as he needed his rest as well.

The questions plagued his mind endlessly as he watched her. Over and over he played the battle in his head. He hadn't even seen her out there. He closed his eyes sighing. He was her worst enemy; he truly believed she had not hated a man on this earth more than him. Her face when she was hit and he caught her. The desperate fear in here eyes. Then watching her barley holding on, the agony as they tried to heal her. Yet the only reason she cried was to beg him to let her go. Let her die. The anguish gripped him again at the image of her so broken and beaten. The strongest woman he had ever known. She was stubborn, strong, sly, and evil when she needed to be. He had seen her put the fear of god into men, Christians and pagans alike. Opinionated, her opinions were always heard loud and clear. She was not a woman who backed down from a fight, he should know that. Yet she was willing to give up so easily, give up herself for him. The 'what if's' and 'whys' plagued him.

His thoughts were interrupted by her door opening. He saw Kyla enter and she walked next him.

"How is she today?" She asked.

"Well she hasn't gotten a fever we can be thankful of that, I don't think she would survive it." He replied not looking away from the lethargic woman on the bed.

"How are you?" Kyla looked at him as she asked, Lancelot glanced at her.

He eyed her and sighed shaking his head lightly. "I am confused, bewildered, I don't understand."

Kyla took a deep breath glancing at Lourdes then put her hand on Lancelot's arm and turned him to her." We cannot begin to understand her; even I do not understand her reasons sometimes. What I do know is she is an enigma Lancelot much you like yourself at times, to much she is like you I think." She gave a soft smile. " You influenced her more then you realize, She jests at you wielding two swords yet does she not wield two herself" She cocked her head.

Lancelot furrowed his brow thinking and a small smile came to his face. "Yes, he shook his head remembering for the first time. Yes she does"

"I know this feud between you two has many years under it's belt, someday you will understand Lancelot." She said gently, trying to convey to him to have patience.

"Do you know something the rest of us do not?" He asked curiously, a slight urgency in his voice.

Kyla looked at Lourdes. "I know her better then any other, as does Viviane. Maybe more so then Arthur I think sometimes. All I do know is that she can't help how she deals with things Lancelot. She deals the only way she knows how. So don't hold it against her so much when she lashes out. That is all she knows. Her trials and the demons she is fighting inside nobody knows but her, hopefully we will someday. I do know she has them, and she has been fighting them for a longtime, and it has made her cold on the inside and darkness haunts her heart." She took a deep breath. "For as loud and boisterous she is about her opinions and feelings on matters. She is mute on others, and when those demons finally become too much to fight alone. She will turn to someone. So if that someone be you one day, be understanding."

Lancelot eyed her perplexed at her words, but they made sense to him. He smiled gently at her and hugged her. "Have you told Tristan yet?" He asked suddenly.

Kyla shook her head "No but we will have to, he is getting worried and antsy, he adores Lourdes."

"We all do" Lancelot corrected.

Kyla raised an eyebrow. "I wonder when it comes to you sometimes."

"Can you blame me; the woman would make the pope swear against his god in anger." He laughed.

Kyla joined him. "She loves to fight, personally I think the adrenaline rush gets her lust flowing" Kyla nudged him playfully. Lancelot looked at her contemplating. "Whether it be battle and killing or a verbal war, she loves to fight, she needs it to live." She laughed harder now as did Lancelot.

Arthur walked into Tristan's room with Bors and Kyla. He looked up sitting up. He was tired of being bed ridden if anything the knights were never good patients. They were like babies.

"Arthur" Tristan greeted "Bors." Kyla came and sat next to him. He looked at her by their faces he knew something was wrong. He had asked Kyla to go get Lourdes; he hadn't seen her since before the battle. She looked tense when he mentioned it but she left to get her now she returned with his commander and fellow knight and friend. He knew instantly.

"Is she dead?" He asked.

Arthur and Bors sighed "No, she took a very bad wound though, almost cost her her life."

Tristan closed his eyes sighing. Kyla took his hand. "She is still doing okay, she hasn't woken up yet but she seems to be healing well."

"How?" Tristan looked to his friends.

"She took a bow for Lancelot" Bors replied. Tristan eyed his friends then Kyla.

"She saw he was going to be hit and he was fighting, she protected him and took the bow, punctured her lungs just missing her heart." Arthur's voice was soft misty.

Tristan looked down where Kyla held his hand. "Trust me, we are all confused, I don't expect her to give us answers when she wake sup either." Bors chuckled.

"No she wouldn't" Tristan shook his head. "Can I see her?" Arthur nodded and Kyla helped him up. Bors and Kyla helped walk him down the hall, his sutures were still healing.

They walked into her room, and Dagonet and Galahad were there. They looked up from visiting. Everybody kept trying to talk to her and get her to wake up. Tristan looked at his friend, and sister in the bed and he winced. She was still pale indicating a large blood loss. Her chest was bandaged up he could see a discolored spot where he wound was though, her chest rising and falling gently. She looked peaceful at least. Dagonet got up from the chair next to her bed and let Tristan sit. They all left letting Tristan have some time with her.

He looked at her face, and he ran his fingers over her cheek. "What did you do to yourself" he asked silently. She stayed motionless.

"You are needed here. We just got you back." He took her hand. " I need you here, who else but you can help me figure out Kyla" He smiled sadly.


	9. Chapter 8

Lucan walked down the dark hallway to her room. He saw the constant worried looks and tension among the knights. Dagonet would give him a sad smile when he came out of the room. The Lady Lourdes from Avalon had been gravely injured. Two weeks had passed and still she had not awoken. He had seen her once during that period. Dagonet had taken him to see her. He liked the ladies of Avalon. Kyla would sit and tell him stories each evening as they all sat at the roundtable for supper. He remembered Lady Lourdes, her smile as she looked at him. He was so afraid before the battle when the knights decided to return. The evening before they left, he had seen her as he looked out at the Saxons on the wall. She had come to stand next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

He did not understand war, or why things were the way they were, the Roman men were leaving why would there still be battles. He had looked up at her

_Lourdes looked down at him and a gentle smile came to her face. "Do not fear my child; you are going home with Dagonet. You won't be in harms way"_

_He had glanced out over the camp fires outside the wall. "Lady Lourdes, he looked at her and she glanced down to him. Why do they wish to harm us?"_

_She took his hand "It's not that they wish to single us out. In life and times such as these, people become greedy; they care not for other people's homes, or lives. They wish to claim this isle as their own." She brushed a stray hair form his face. "We have to fight cause this is our home, the land our forefathers were born to. We have no other home to go too."_

"_Why do they wish to have this land, do they not have a land to call home?" He asked curiously._

"_Yes they do, but they want this one too." She crouched down to his level now. Lucan had looked bewildered._

"_Lucan, someday you will understand that we fight tomorrow for more then just land. We fight for the right to choose our own future. For freedom to live in our land in peace. There cannot always be peace. But maybe one day cause we fought for this freedom others will see freedom is possible and the lands will begin to cover with peace. So we have to hold onto hope. Hold on to something you love and believe in" She smiled and Lucan smiled back at her and he hugged her tight._

He pushed his way into her room. He saw her laying still on the bed a gauzy curtain surrounding the bed. He walked to the side of the bed and pulled it back. He looked her over; he traced the tattoo she had on her arm. It was pretty; he did not know what it meant. He looked at the bandages surrounding her whole chest. He touched her hand and finally put his hand in hers. He looked at her "Lady Lourdes, you have to come back. Everyone misses you." He remembered her words '_we have to hold onto hope, hold on to something you love and believe in'_

"They don't know to hold on, I do I remember." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I believe in you" He whispered to her. He pulled back and let go of her hand and began to walk away.

"Lucan?" It was such a low whisper, he heard it though. He turned and she looked exactly the same. He watched her closely and walked to her bedside again.

"Lady Lourdes" He looked at her face searching. Suddenly he saw her brow furrow slightly. Her head turned towards his voice gently.

She opened her hand "Lucan?" He put his hand in hers and smiled. She turned her head and opened her eyes slowly.

His smile widened as she looked at him and gave him a weak smile in return. His face lit up. "Stay awake, I shall return." Lucan ran, ran as fast as he could to the roundtable room. He burst in and the occupants spun their heads to look at him. Lucan raced to Dagonet. He was out of breath but grabbed his hand and began to pull.

"Lucan what is it my boy?" Dagonet looked perplexed as everyone watched wondering what had gotten into him.

"You have to come, he yelled happily, she is awake hurry!" He raced out of the room. They all looked around then realized what he meant; they all raced for the door running to Lourdes' room.

Everybody filed into the room and they saw Lucan holding her hand. She was not moving and looked the same. They scrutinized her to see any change and it didn't look to be so. Arthur sighed and walked to Lucan's side.

"She will wake, we all are longing for her too as well. She hasn't yet though." He put a hand on Lucan's shoulder. Everyone's sad gleam returning to their eyes when it was joyous a few moments ago.

"Arthur…." They heard a whisper and everyone's eyes went to Lourdes who was moving. Arthur looked at her stunned and sat by her side on the bed quickly.

"Lourdes, I am here" He held her hand. Her eyes opened and everyone grinned happily to one another.

They saw her smile weakly like she had with Lucan and looked at her brother. "My brother" Arthur's tears fell down his cheeks in joy as did everyone else's in the room. Viviane went to grab more drink for her to ease the pain, they wanted to try and keep her awake. She looked around as Kyla came up next to the other side of her bed.

Lourdes looked at her. Then looked to Viviane who came over with her drink, she flinched almost violently when she went to move up. Arthur and Viviane helped her up sit up slightly to take the drink. When she looked back up her eyes met, Guinevere's, and she flipped her eyes and they landed on Lancelot. Who to her shock was crying with a relieved smile.

Lourdes lost her smile and the battle came back to her in fast forward she closed her eyes and saw it all. Lancelot fighting the son, he rode to Guinevere, the son getting the crossbow and her running to protect him. Him telling her not to go-- crying, the agony of the arrow being pulled out, all the blood, begging Lancelot to let her die. She opened them and looked to Kyla. A desperate look in her eyes.

"How do you feel?" Bors asked.

Lourdes met his eyes and smiled. "I feel like what you look like" The occupants laughed.

"Yeah she's going to be fine" Bors gave her a sideways smile. Viviane moved so Lancelot could come next to her bedside. Lourdes looked up at him and couldn't do it. She turned her head away from him. The occupants of the room's couldn't believe it.

"Lourdes" Arthur looked at her shocked.

"Get him out of here" She whispered to her brother.

"Lourdes what—"He began.

"Get him out of here!" She yelled her voice hoarse from not using it; she groaned at the pain it caused her lungs. She coughed a little. Viviane came to her side.

"You can be worked up like this" Kyla reprimanded her.

She turned a narrowed gaze to her "Then get him out of here." Her gaze then turned to Guinevere, and the burning fire of that gaze made her flinch.

"Be reasonable Lourdes" Arthur pushed hair from her eyes.

"No, Arthur I will go" Lancelot said gently to his friend. He looked at Lourdes, his face was set to an expression everyone saw, he was hurt beyond belief. Lourdes couldn't even look at him, her eyes still holding Guinevere's gaze. She saw him move from the room in the corner of her eye.


	10. Chapter 9

Lourdes stared at the walls in her room. It had been brimming with people all day wanting to come see her. All of them holding that same look. Confusion, sadness, amazement, she had survived, also though the gleam of her harsh words to Lancelot. She closed her eyes. The questions would continue, and curious wondering till she dispelled them. She needed too. Her reason for saving him—

Well those were her own. She had a reason that she would give them. It even annoyed her all the whispers and glances. All cause she saved her enemy. She went to move herself, and she winced. It was going to take time before she was fully well. That grated her patience as well. She wasn't a person who took illness easy. She despised not being able to be self sufficient.

She looked down to the bandages around her chest. She thought for sure she was going to die. That did not bother her. She didn't even fear it. She feared when she thought she would live. She would now bare the scar visibly and another not so visibly from that battle. Now her brother was going to take a wife, Guinevere. She sneered the pure irony was fascinating.

She heard the door open and she turned to see a person she did not expect, Guinevere stood there. Lourdes eyed her narrowly as Guinevere met her eyes. She walked in with a large basin and cloths.

"You need to bathe and clean your wound" Guinevere told her setting down the basin.

"You know very well I can't do that myself" Lourdes replied sarcastically turning her head away from her.

Guinevere ignored her clipped and displeased tone. It bothered Lourdes she was used to people reacting. Guinevere held nothing but a small smile though.

"I know that's, why Viviane sent me, I will fill the large basin and you will get in that one, and soak to help your sore muscles and clean out the wound" Guinevere informed her not waiting for a reply she set about filling the large metal tub.

Lourdes rolled her eyes slightly gritting her teeth as she cursed Viviane and her meddling ways. She listened to the sounds and watched the water be brought in then Dagonet entered.

Lourdes smiled as Dagonet came to her and kissed her cheek. "I am here to help, sit up we need to get this bandage off. He helped Lourdes sit up and Guinevere set about unwrapping it. Dagonet handed her a longer cloth to hold over herself as her bandaging came away and her breasts became bare. She smiled appreciatively. He looked at the wound it was healing well so far. He wrapped the sheet around her and lifted her into his arms gently avoiding her sutures. He carried her to the large basin behind the curtain, Guinevere close behind. Dagonet stood her into it and left Guinevere to help her with the rest. Guinevere went to take the sheet, and Lourdes held it.

"We are both ladies Lourdes, you have to get in, that's what I am here for is to help." Lourdes gave her a defiant look but let go of the sheet and Guinevere helped her ease down to a sitting position. She then picked up a cloth and began to bath her.

"I can do it myself "Lourdes grabbed for the cloth feeling uncomfortable with Guinevere taking care of her and seeing her for the entire woman she was.

"No you can't, if you hit the wound wrong and it opens you could bleed out in this basin and nobody would know." Lourdes scowled and pulled herself further into the water. Guinevere looked intrigued as she wiped off her face and neck.

"You have your brother's eyes" She said suddenly and Lourdes just looked at her. "As much as he is handsome you are beautiful."

Lourdes sighed and turned her head away. "You don't take compliments well." Guinevere added as more of a statement then a question.

"Nothing well about them, except empty courtesy." The blonde woman replied.

"Has Avalon made you so cold? Or were you always like this?" Guinevere asked bravely and Lourdes' head snapped to gaze at her, at her boldness.

"You may have won my brother over, but not me Guinevere." Guinevere just nodded.

She washed over Lourdes' back and was silent for a few moments"Someday I wish to understand your reasoning's; I believe we could be friends."

Lourdes did not answer. "I have come to understand, you have your own ways, for whatever reason you have not taken a likening to me. I will tell you, you always have my love and support. In a few days you will be my sister as well, and I have no animosity for you" Lourdes gritted her teeth she would not reply, this naive girl thinking she knew her at all. As she got out with Guinevere's help she wrapped her self up and Dagonet came in to redress her wound.

The day before there wedding came and Lourdes was sick of being tied to bed. She couldn't take it anymore. She rose and had a waiting woman help her dress; it was evening and supper time or close to it. She would go and sit with her brothers. She was slightly nervous she knew the questions that would play across their faces, and she would see Lancelot she hadn't seen him since the day she had awoken, almost a week passed now. She made her way slowly breathing hurt her still and weighed on her injured lung.

Bors rounded a corner and saw her making her way in the direction of the roundtable.

"Lourdes what are you doing out of bed?" He demanded as he walked quickly to support her as she leaned on the wall for support.

"I couldn't take being tied to my bed anymore; I could not look at my room anymore." She took his arm leaning on him and he put his other arm around her waist.

"Yes but you need your rest" He her reprimanded.

"I need air" She smiled, Bors shook his head and helped her, he opened the door and the room went silent almost as she entered with him.

"My sister what are you doing out of bed" Arthur went to her quickly at seeing her as the others stood up apprehensively watching her.

"I could not take my room anymore, I needed out." He guided her to a seat by Kyla and him at her other side. She eyed the room's patrons and they landed on Lancelot, he met hers but then moved his gaze away to his wine glass.

Guinevere handed her wine and she took it without even acknowledging her.

"You always were stubborn like your brother" Galahad chuckled.

Arthur looked at his sister and they exchanged smiles. The room was uneasily quiet and Kyla looked at her, with a sad grin. Lourdes rolled her eyes as people tried to avoid the questions.

"Really enough is enough, if you all have something to say then say it." She put her wine glass down roughly.

They all looked at one another wondering who would speak, it was Arthur. "They just wonder why you save his life, if you hate him so. You almost gave your life for his and yet you shunned him the moment you awoke." He looked at Lancelot who took a deep breath but would not look at them.

"Do you really think me that kind of monster? She asked angrily. To let your best friend die when I could prevent it. As much as I do not like it, he is your best friend, confidant, brother, that will not change despite what my feelings are towards him." She shook her head, her rage flaring.

"Kyla saved Tristan I don't see you all up in arms questioning that" She flung her arms towards Tristan and Kyla in gesture.

"Kyla does not loathe Tristan" Lancelot replied giving her a sideways look from where he sat.

Lourdes stood. "If roles were reversed and I had protected Tristan and Kyla protected Lancelot there would be none of these questions. What I did I did out of love and duty to my brother. I would not have him mourn any of his knights that day" She leaned on the table for support. "He worked so long for your freedom; I would not have the burden of him mourning you when you should not have been fighting that day, having the guilt plague his heart for the rest of his days. Next time I will save the trouble of an injury and let him take it himself. You are correct in assuming I want nothing more then to gut him myself." The occupants eyes went wide as Lancelot just gazed at her intensely she saw his jaw clench.

"My duty to my brother is worth more then my disgust for Lancelot, She turned to Guinevere. She got an evil sneer. If your future wife had not chosen battles she knows she cannot win, Lancelot wouldn't have needed to feel that surge of protection, to help our so fair Guinevere."

Arthur looked at his sister bewildered and stunned. Vivaine stood up "Lourdes she is to be Queen, she fought for the rest of us that day."

"She is no Queen of mine" Lourdes spat and Arthur stood up. "I love you my brother and I will respect your decisions, it doesn't mean I have to like them" She said to him.

Kyla closed her eyes mournfully. Returning to the wall may have been far more grievous for Lourdes then her injury. She watched as she made her way slowly from the room. Lancelot held his wine staring into it. As Guinevere took Arthur's hand as he tried to follow her. "Arthur leave her, let her calm down." She pleaded gently. Arthur looked at her then to the door his sister had left through Tristan went to help her. His eyes sad, and pained at what was happening to his sister.


	11. Chapter 10

Authors Note: I am totally loving writing this story, my friends I hate to tell you, you won't find out about Lourdes' problems for a little while still. I have a lot planned for this, so I hope you keep reading and enjoy.

Janell: Thank is all I can say your reviews make me want to write more and sooner )

Reader freak: You short but funny messages give me a chuckle, you're too funny.

P.S. I love reviews, I am a junkie just like everyone else, they make want to write so send me your opinions. I only got two reviews a chapter for the last 4 chapters, and they were Janell, and Readerfreak love u guys!

That's it I usually only get you two that review. Ok so are ready…are you sure?... okay on with it then..

She sat in a chair in her room staring out the window. She couldn't bear to be back in her bed. She heard a knock and then her door opened it was Bors. She smiled as he did.

"How are you feeling?" He asked coming to stand in front of her.

"Tired, I won't be bothered with going back to that bed though." She waved away at her bed.

Bors chuckled. "You must rest." She shrugged. "So what was that load of horse shit back at the roundtable?" He asked suddenly. Lourdes swung her head to look at him.

He smiled at the apprehensive panic on her face. "Some of us know you better then that Lourdes. We don't know what's going on we know something is eating away at you though."

Lourdes looked at him refusing to look away and clarify his claims. "Bors I am one to voice my opinions clearly and I did." She struggled to get up and he stopped her by placing a hand on her shoulder.

He looked at her with defeated look "Your losing this battle sweet girl, your demons are winning."

Tristan walked over to Kyla as he saw her standing off by the woods visiting the graves of their fallen brothers. Some she never got to say goodbye too.

"They missed you too" He startled her and she swung around to face him. She smiled at him.

"At least I was here to help you and the others that day" She exhaled slowly fingering one of the swords in the grave in front of her.

"I am grateful for that" He replied.

"So what now?" Kyla looked at him. "After Arthur's wedding tomorrow shall you all be leaving?"

Tristan shook his head eyeing her "We have decided to stay"

"Stay!" She exclaimed shocked at this revelation.

"This is our home; we have laid more then enough blood in its honor to claim it with Arthur. We will stand and aid him for his reign as king." Kyla nodded as he spoke taking the information.

"Arthur will be honored I am sure."

"What of you? Will you stay?" He asked taking a step closer to her.

Her eyes lingered over his face before looking out over the hill to the wall. "I will, I have missed it greatly. I missed all of you and Arthur. Guinevere will need more ladies around here." She gave a rue grin to him and she saw his lips quirk.

He looked out over the hill for a second before responding. "I believe we can have happiness on this island finally. We are free to do as we choose, we will stay and fight beside Arthur and rule with him. He will marry, and maybe even Vanora and Bors will as well." He chuckled.

"I hope so before they decide to have number 12" Kyla joined his chuckle.

"Lourdes and I were happy at Avalon, we always longed for the wall though. To watch you ride in through the gate, and to have this family around us. You knights were our family." She closed her eyes as a breeze washed over them.

"It was never the same; we knew it would never feel the same again once you two decided to go to Avalon." The sad tone made her look at him.

"I had dreamed of visiting Avalon, of being a High Priestess. Lourdes is more the stature for it. I was home sick very quickly. She would never consider returning to the wall though." She picked up her dress walking over the grass to stand next to him.

"There is a mystery that will be revealed someday. Like the mystery of other people" His eyes intensely probed her and she couldn't help but fidget.

"What do you mean?" She played a fool to his insinuation.

"Don't be coy, He smiled. The night before the battle, when our plans were still to return to Sarmatia. That connection was there so strong. I felt—"

"Tristan, she looked at him holding her hand up to him, in a plea to stop. Emotions were high we were walking into an uncertain fate. People do odd things when situations like that arise." She smiled softly; he noted the sadness in her eyes. "Lets leave it as it is" She kissed his cheek and turned and began down the hill to the fort. Tristan watched her, a sad longing gripping him. He was not devoid of emotions; he never learned to express them well was all.

Lourdes made her way down the hall to her brother's room. She knocked and entered seeing him at his desk. He looked up surprised; he bid her to close the door leaning back in his chair. She stood before him clasping her hands together, and at that moment she was the exact image of their mother.

"I will leave with Viviane the morning after your union with Guinevere." It was a statement more then anything. One she knew her brother and friends would not take well.

Arthur leaned forward dumbstruck by her revelations. "Why? You have just returned to us."

"It is better for all people in this matter. I am better off in Avalon." She explained.

Arthur stood offering her a seat as he watched her try and breathe easier her wound bothering her. He looked at her. "That is not true, you are not even fully healed, you cannot travel in your condition."

"I will" Her tone was stern.

Arthur exhaled flustered. "You are my sister, will you not tell me what is bearing on your mind, your soul. You have become so cold, and it pains me to see." He held her hand.

"I am respecting your decisions, I will bless you tomorrow at your wedding, I will witness, and give you my love, and then I will leave. Please I am doing what I have too." She pleaded.

Arthur's eyes narrowed. "I have heard these words from you before." Lourdes looked at the floor. "Lourdes I need you by my side, my sister, you are such a strong, beautiful woman, whatever is ailing you is ripping you apart. You have become a Priestess, you are powerful, inspiring. You left me once saying this was what your heart wanted. You have gained it and returned to tell me that you will leave me again when you have no more reasons too."

"Kyla will be here at your court, brother you shall be king. You will be a much loved man, and rule wonderfully. You will, she swallowed as if the words she had to say hurt her. You will have your wife to rule with you. You have no uses for me here." She tried reasoning.

"Kyla will stay?" He asked curiously.

"Her heart and home is where he is you know this as well as I do, she only followed me cause of our friendship, and we are like sisters. Her life will be much more worthwhile here. Viviane grows old, when she passes from this world to the next; I am to take her spot. Avalon is my home." Arthur squeezed her hand. Then pushed it away standing.

"I am your home, I am your blood. You are a Briton as well, you will rule by my side just as my knights." He gestured wildly.

She stood with some difficulty Arthur was to angry to go to her. "No Arthur. I leave with Viviane" She made her way to the door and walked out of the room. Arthur looked to the door with tears running down his face. He has lost his sister somewhere in this life, he cannot begin to imagine what has claimed her. Something that she cannot fight, or maybe perhaps she is fighting she is just not capable of winning.


	12. Chapter 11

Authors Note: Now Now Janell be nice LOL NO nobody can have Lance LOLreaderfreak I am working on it but it will be a few chapters before you find out about Lourdes. Saxons are on the horizon plus some other things before that happens. I am not trying to make her a toddler really I ma trying not too. Just to let you know I hate wedding scenes, mush isn't my thing LOL. SO if it's boring sorry. There is still more to come of this party the night snot over yet, you got Lourdes Lancelot animosity, possibly drunk women, Tristan following Kyla, yeah some stuff is gonna happen in the next chapter. MWuah!

P.S. Sarahnater me sorry me forgot you, big huggles! Keep reviewing I love your guys opinions.

The day dawned beautiful. Patrons of the fort were bustling around busily readying for Arthur and Guinevere's wedding. Lourdes helped Kyla dress Her gown was a mauve colored satin the shoulders were a slight puff and black sheer fabric adorned the cuffs of the short sleeves trailing down her arm a slight half way through it to let the fabric move from her arm as needed. If her arms were at her sides they reached the floor. It was an empire waist and at the waist line there was a black ribbon weaved to for a tie around her the waist. A black sheer train trailed behind her that began at the back of her gown. She was beautiful, her red hair setting off the color and intricately done with silver and black beads half pulled from her face. After she was ready she went to help Guinevere.

Lourdes also helped Viviane get into her pearl white gown, braiding her hair for her. The silver detail around her neckline and skirt edge the only detailing. Viviane was regal enough to make rags royal garbs. Lourdes went to the task of pulling her gown on.

Viviane smiled, she had picked out the women's gowns and with reason. Ladies of Avalon held a title to uphold. At least that was the excuse she gave them.

The knights waited in the hall for Arthur as to make their way towards the ceremony site. Vanora rounded up the children to make their way up as well, as Arthur appeared in front of them in his full Roman cavalry uniform, they smiled at him. The preparations for the feast and celebration afterwards had been in full swing since the evening before. Smell of food, wine, and flowers clung to every corner of the court.

Dagonet, Tristan, and Arthur stopped at the begging of the trail to the cliff edge. They waited for their ladies of Avalon. The other knights went up the trail to where the crowd of Britons had begun. Merlin stood on a small podium at the edge of the cliff, a line of Briton men behind him.

Lancelot saw Dagonet awestruck as he walked to Lady Viviane to her spot beside the podium. He smiled as he blushed when Viviane kissed his cheek. Next Tristan and Kyla were seen coming up the hill. She was stunning, and he could tell Tristan knew it. Only time he saw true happiness in the mans eyes was when he looked at her. Sometimes fate can be a wonderful thing. Next was Arthur with Lourdes. Lancelot held his breath as he watched her walk up the hill. Women of Avalon were truly beautiful. Her gown was pale blue a heart shaped neck line. She had thin straps going over her shoulders then long sleeves hugging the side soft her shoulders leaving the corners bare. The sleeves went all the way down forming a v shape over her hand the tip wrapped around her middle fingers. An intricate design embroidered along the neckline and hem of her skirt that was iridescent color and lightweight. A gold chain wrapped around her waist and tied over her abdomen letting the tail trail into her skirt. The back she had iridescent sheer fabric attached to the back and flowed down and attached to her fingers. When she held out her arms she looked like she had wings. He eyed her; he would never deny that she was a stunning woman.

She watched as she kissed Arthur's cheek, and took her place on the podium to bless them with the Goddess on their union. Arthur waited till Guinevere came up with Jols and the beaming smiles on their faces made everyone happy.

They never took their eyes off one another through the ceremony. Their love spilling over into everyone. Lourdes smiled as her brother made his speech, and smiled even at Guinevere. She watched the sad look Tristan gave Kyla and couldn't hold back her sad grin at Kyla. She picked up her skirt and began to make her way down the hill with all the others. She stood to lean against a tree as her lungs burned. This wound was being a huge nuisance.

She felt someone grab her arm and looked up to see her brother. She looked back and Guinevere smiled at them as she accepted Gawain's hand to help her down the hill. Lourdes watched them leave.

"You have had enough excitement, you're still not well." He lifted her in his arms and started down the hill.

"Didn't think you were going to speak to me" She held tight around his neck. Arthur made his way across the field.

"That can never happen; I will not lose you again." His eyes met hers as her set her down on a rock by the cemetery. He crouched down in front of her. "I will beg you to stay by my side." She held his hand then looked to the ground and Arthur lifted her chin.

"Lourdes, please, don't leave us, we can all live happily here now, free, no Rome, the knights by my side. You will be a princess here. You will have the power of my court and Avalon. Teach children the ways of the goddess, marry have your own children" He grasped at her.

She closed her eyes against the tears; nobody had ever seen her cry she would not have it change now. "Will you tell me what burdens you?" He pleaded.

She looked at him, putting a hand on his cheek. The hope in his eyes, that he could have her by him again. She sighed and he saw the gloss of unshed tears in her eyes it shocked him. Never had he seen his sister cry. She stared at those eyes that were her protector and strength, she could not deny those eyes. "Someday my brother, I will tell you everything. If you wish for me to stay I will, I could never deny you." He smiled despite the pain in her eyes. He kissed her forehead and picked her up to carry her to the festivities. She couldn't help but give into a smile at the huge grin on his face. Arthur was going to have all he ever wanted. She would deny him nothing if it was in her ability.

Kyla watched Lourdes laugh with Bors, and Vanora, as Guinevere danced with Dagonet. Arthur was in a lively conversation with Gawain and Jols as Galahad sat whispering with Lancelot. Viviane stood with Tristan by the doors. She looked as a baby continued to fuss, Vanora and Bors latest addition.

"I have been here nearly a month and still haven't held that baby, give him here." Lourdes held out her arms Bors and Vanora smiled.

Vanora got up and walked over to her as he began to scream louder before she placed him in Lourdes' arms. Kyla and Viviane watched as she smiled at the baby. "He is getting his teeth he is grouchy." Vanora apologized.

The baby screamed more and Lourdes looked in his mouth then turned to Kyla. "Run and get my satchel" Kyla got up and ran to Lourdes' room. She hugged the baby to her, cooing to him gently. A few moments later Kyla returned and Lourdes opened it and grabbed a vial of something purple. Viviane turned to watch as it caught every ones attention. Vanora and Bors watched her closely. She bit the top off the vial and turned it over to get some on her finger. She set it on the table and clucked her tongue at the baby to sooth him as he screamed again Lourdes rubbed the substance over his gums. The baby got an odd face halting his crying into whimpers. Lourdes smiled at him clucking her tongue and the baby smiled suddenly fine. Bors and Vanora looked at one another as the others watched impressed and smiled.

"What did you give him?" Bors asked. As Lourdes got more comfortable to hold him better.

She handed the vial to Vanora. "Anytime he fusses put it on his gums, it numbs them easing the pain till the teeth break the surface." Then turned back to the baby enjoying him.

"We must have her around when we have children" Guinevere smiled to her new husband, Arthur chuckled patting her hand.

"She has agreed to stay it will be nice to have all of my family around again" He nodded to the rooms occupants. Guinevere squeezed his hand and looked at their friends.

"Do you think they will want to settle down?" She eyed Kyla and Lourdes.

Arthur joined her in looking at them. "I think Kyla will, with one of our knights" He grinned and glanced towards Tristan. "If her stubbornness and his wear out like I think it will."

"I noticed the looks as well. Have they always felt this way?"

"For as long as we can remember" Gawain rolled his eyes. The three chuckled.

"What of Lourdes?" Guinevere asked watching her with the baby. "She adores children that much is apparent."

"She just doesn't like the men; she needs one to have a child. That's the part she doesn't like" Gawain smiled, and Arthur let out a hearty laugh as Guinevere smiled slyly.


	13. Chapter 12

Authors Note: Hope you enjoy it. If not me sorry. Things will start getting tangle soon, Oh what a tangle web we weave. Anyway onward, I am tired me going to sleep…….Mwuah Night

Sarahnater I not forget, keep reviewing.

Readerfreak No, Lancelot has no son. Gawain I think deserves a women though want him ! LOL

Janell: Your hilarious, I am not trying to make her whiney either LOL. I think you will like their interaction here. Review soon.

The celebration continued the feast had finished everyone full sat in the hall laughing and having a grand time together. All the children had long since left for bed. Tristan sat across the table talking with Galahad and Bors. Arthur crowded with Lancelot, Gawain and Dagonet. The women were huddled together at the other end of the table laughing and carrying on.

Arthur and his group made their way over the other men. "Gentlemen, I believe the women are feeling their wine" Arthur said calling the men's attention to the women. They looked up and at seeing them all looking at them they huddled closer together laughing.

"How are you doing girls?" Bors asked they all looked at them sucking their cheeks to hold back the laughter.

Guinevere stood up with a little effort to do it gracefully she still stumbled slightly. "We are fine"

The women erupted in more laughter. The men all smiled and exchanged amused looks. "I fear your wedding night may not be what you hoped Arthur" Lancelot grinned at him.

Arthur eyed him playfully. "Could be interesting"

"Nah, they get wild when they drink too much, he is still in the running for a good evening" Bors clasped Arthur on the back. The knights all chuckled.

"What you say we have some fun with them" Lancelot prodded. Arthur looked at them and began to make his way over.

"I am retiring before this display gets any worse." Dagonet laughed and left.

"Come Galahad, lets head to the Tavern, let them deal with the women" Gawain tapped his arm and drug him out of there.

Viviane got up as the men approached. "I am going to my room, play nice" She smiled and left as well.

Kyla looked up chuckled and seeing the four men coming over to them. She smiled. "I am sober still, I am just mediator"

"Come I'll walk you to your room, let them have their fun" Tristan gave sly smile to his three comrades.

Kyla hesitated looking at Lourdes but then got up taking Tristan's arm and leaving the room. Guinevere looked around seeing only Vanora, Lourdes, and the three knights behind them. "Traitors, they left us"

"My Queen, are you sure you're feeling well?" Arthur asked her. Guinevere turned around as did Vanora, and Lourdes.

"When did they come over here?" Vanora asked confused, Lourdes and Guinevere just held back snickers.

"Yes my love I am fine." She met his eyes with a coy glance.

"Lets go to bed" Bors leaned towards Vanora.

"Yes I am tired" She got up with Bors helping.

"He said bed, nothing was mentioned of sleep" Lourdes pointed out. Vanora stopped and eyed Bors suspiciously, and Bors glared at Lourdes causing more snickering from her and Guinevere. Bors nudged Vanora form the room.

"Don't make number 12 yet" Lourdes called out and Guinevere fell over laughing.

"I think we should retire as well my Queen" Arthur smiled. Guinevere put her hand in his with playful grin.

"Yes lets" She stood and Arthur put a hand on her waist to guide her.

Arthur turned to Lancelot who was still looking at Lourdes in amusement. "Please make sure she gets to bed." He told his friend.

"Don't tell him that, say make sure I get to sleep, or else he will consider it and invitation." She corrected her brother. Lancelot grinned and nodded to Arthur who was holding a now laughing Guinevere as well.

Lourdes turned back to her wine. Lancelot leaned on the back of her chair her back to him. "Why do you always consider me to only think of one thing?" He asked. She turned to him and reared back stunned at how close he was.

"Well it's the truth is it not?" She asked challengingly.

He shrugged non-chalantley "If you say so."

"I would gladly except that you don't, it would improve my opinion of you. I will prove my point though when we go to the tavern again." She pointed at him taking a drink of her wine.

His brow furrowed. "Why at the tavern?"

"Well when you are near women again" Her tone was plain as if it needed no explaining.

"Are you not a woman?" He asked confused.

She stood up from her chair leaning a hand on the table to steady herself. "When you are in the presence of a woman you would want to bed Lancelot" Her tone sarcastic.

Lancelot moved his hands from the chair moving it and leaning them on the table trapping her in-between him self and the table. "What makes you think your not?" He face was inches from hers and she stared into those intense brown eyes. She refused to be give in.

She leaned foreword till there was only a hair between them. "Cause you hate me, as much as I loathe you." She pushed at his arm but it wouldn't budge and she met his eyes again and they stood still intensely taking her in.

"Never have I uttered words of hate for you" He whispered.

She gave him a rue smile. "Yes that answers all my prayers, please bed me Lancelot, forget my name in the morning and shun me for the rest of our days." She clutched her heart in a dramatic gesture.

He looked to the ground then back up at her. "Your only interest in me would be that I don't give into you, your charm" She sneered.

"Tease" He crinkled his nose playfully at her.

"Not a tease, a constant reminder, she pushed a curl off his forehead. Of what you can't have. The challenge is all you love Lancelot." She crinkled her nose playfully back at him. He smiled in spite of himself, she was fun drunk.

She had that cocky smirk on her face, and it ate at him. He looked down at her gown from her toes all the way to her face he took her in. "You look beautiful"

Lourdes rolled her eyes and snorted lightly. "Try another one, your going to have to work harder then that."

"So you admit there is a part of you that wants me" He waggled his eyebrow's impishly.

She smiled at him. "No, shall we test the theory?" She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully as his narrowed perplexed. She leaned foreword capturing his lips with hers. His eyes widened then instinctively closed as his hands went to her waist pulling her closer. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder as her other hand went into his hair. She opened her mouth receiving his hungrily. When she pulled away, he looked at her stunned. She looked up squinting her eyes as if thinking then looked at him. "Nope not a sliver, nothing" She said matter-of-factley. She pushed easily through him as he stood there with a stunned agape face.

"Wait a minute—"He started after her.

"Lancelot honestly, it was a test, you failed. Not even a flutter" She shook her head with mock sadness, then smiled and walked out of the room. Lancelot stood there with an astounded gape smile he held his finger out to the door she had just left through. He shook his finger at it going over what she had done, he shook his head and chuckled.

"I will get back for that" He shook his head, she had won that round.

Tristan guided Kyla down the halls to her room. He opened the door for her and went in after her. He sighed as she turned to hug him goodnight. She looked at him bewildered by his demeanor.

"What is wrong Tristan?" Her question made him look to the ground.

"Nothing" He gave her a weak smile and hugged her.

"You are not a man of many words I learned to read your face many years ago, something is weighing on you." She looked him in the eye holding his face so he could not look away.

He reached up and rubbed her arm, and took his touch away suddenly as if he was burned. His eyes went to the ground again.

"My friend, you must talk to me." She pleaded.

"There is nothing to say Kyla, you have said your peace." He went to turn away.

She pulled him back"Don't run from me."

"I am trying to do as you wish" His reply was stern as he clenched his jaw from saying more.

She sighed letting him go turning around. "Tristan what would have from me?" She was flustered. He didn't say anything for a moment then took her arm and spun her around. His lips met hers passionately. She gasped and his mouth swallowed it seeking hers. Her lips obeyed his and opened to him. Her hands moving to his shoulders as he wrapped her in his arms pulling her flush against him.

When she broke away she panted lightly "This can't happen" Her eyes were closed as to try avoiding looking at him.

"You know I am not a man of many words, let my actions speak for me tonight" His soft pleas brought tears to her eyes. She longed for him for so long to have him say those words made her body hum. She could not deny him, no matter what the morning brought. She opened her eyes and met his, the hope, the warmth there. She searched out his lips again.

He kissed across her jaw to her neck as she leaned her head back her eyes closed reveling in the sensation her mouth hung open slightly as she sighed. Her fingers went to the belt for his jacket unfastening it and pushing it off. He put his hands on her cheeks to pull her lips back to his. They trailed down her neck sending a chill down her spine. His hands moved around her shoulders pulling the lacing at the back of her gown to loosen it. She met his eyes an intense fire reflected in them both, as he slowly pushed the sleeves off her shoulders. He kept her gaze as it fell loosely away from her to pool on the floor. He ran his fingers over the ivory skin of her collarbone looking at her.

She was enchanting. Her skin bright against the flames of the candles lighting the room. Made an aura glow around her like she was an angel. It made his breath hitch. He pulled her to him pressing her against him as he ravaged her mouth passionately her arms went to his shirt and lifted it pulling it over his head before their lips returned to one another. The hair covering his chest tickled her as she pressed her chest against his. She heard a soft groan emanate from him. He guided her back towards the side of the bed while working on the belt of his pants. Their lips still sealed together. She sat down on the side of her bed and looked up at him. He ran his fingers over her cheek as she pushed the pants off his hips.

He leaned over her kicking the pants off as he joined her on the bed. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he kissed down her neck. He made his way down nipping at her collarbone before making his way to her breasts running his tongue over one experimentally, he watched as she moaned lacing her free hand in his hair. He closed his lips around it suckling as his other hand squeezed the other gently. Her hand ran down his back feeling the battle scars tracing them gently. Every woman with a warrior did, it was a sign of appreciation they believed. He made a trail down her stomach kissing over her abdomen his hands running over her legs as he reached her thighs she hooked a leg around his back watching him as his hand ran to the apex of her legs. He ran his fingers over her eliciting another moan as he caressed her.

Her body soared, that it wasn't a dream it really was him touching her finally. She pulled his arm pulling him up to her. She wrapped her leg around his and turned him slightly on his side as her hand splayed over his chest running over his abdomen she bit lightly at his neck her other arm still wrapped around his shoulder. She gripped him and Tristan closed his eyes with a groan his head fell back loosely against her arm as support. She wrapped her leg tighter around him pulling herself closer. She guided him and watched his face as they melded together. A fire shot through her at the feeling. She sighed heavily with a groan of her own and Tristan wrapped her in his arm tighter placing searing kisses to her chest as his other arm held her leg around him securely, as he began to rock their bodies together. Her other arm laced under his and around the other shoulder as she cried out tilting her head back for better access.

Her hips swayed with his, gently and smoothly at first. As their pants and cries filtered through the room. The heat level rose as their breathing made their air between them damp and their skin sticky. She leaned her head foreword to rest on his shoulder. Gripping his harder as the waves rolled over her.

Tristan pushed up with his arm pushing her to her back so he hovered over her now. Her heel dug into his back as she urged him on. He laid his head to her shoulder kissing it and sucking gently, as his motions became more erratic. Her nails dug into his shoulder, needing him closer when it wasn't possible. She wanted him to melt into her. Her motions joined his as an erotic battle began. Their hips battled for speed and dominance.

She bit her lip as he became more forceful and finally couldn't hold it as she cried out. "Tristan please…" He trembling voice begged. He met her eyes as he wrapped her other leg around him she looked them there and pushed up to meet him recklessly. He watched her, his eyes hooded, her face was flushed, a blush came across her chest as he leaned down capturing her breasts with his mouth and she arched with another cry. He slide his arm under her. The angle hitting its desired target, she moaned loudly as she gripped his back roughly as her body trembled. Her release was what set of his right after. He bit at her shoulder as he joined her moan and finally let himself lay to her side.

They both cuddled together letting the air of the room cool their heated skin. Both flustered and warm. He laid his forehead against hers, their eyes met and he kissed her forehead, neither saying a word. He knew he would leave before she woke, he had told her _'for tonight'_. As much as he wanted to, he wouldn't plague her with more. Sadly he watched her fatigue set in as her caressed her back and watched her eyes close to slumber.

He watched her sleep for hours, never sleeping himself even though his body was demanding it of him. He kissed her cheek, willing the pain in his heart to subside as he rose form her bed a few hours before dawn dressing quietly. He looked at her and covered her and left her room, not being able to look at her again or he would not leave.


	14. Chapter 13

Authors Note: Don't ask me where this came form I needed a scene where she showed Lancelot proving her point and it got carried away LOL.

Janell: glad to see you enjoy drunken women as much as Lance does.

Readerfreak: Be careful Gawain might not be at the Tavern LOL

Mwuah to all of you now go read! Oh and review!

The following morning Kyla and Lourdes bid Viviane to have a safe voyage home. Lourdes had watched longingly as the caravan passed through the gates then went to the wall to watch the warriors leave. Their home was Avalon; they would come if there was need of them. Her look somber, she knew she would not be leaving her brothers court if ever she returned. He would beg her to stay and she could not resist him. The wall would be her home, her place now beside Arthur with Guinevere and his knights. Her personal hell, as her gaze crawled along its length. No more Romans or signs of their claims to it. Arthur's, all Arthur's that brought peace to her.

The legions of Britons peoples came to the wedding and now would begin meetings with their new King. To discuss the lands future, vowing alliances, and giving gifts. She turned from her spot on the wall looking out into all the people. She should be with her brother, no he had Guinevere he had no need of her opinions in politics anymore. She sighed picking up her gown to descend the stairs of the wall. Her head ached form the previous evening still, she would rest.

Kyla watched Lourdes go to the wall, the sad painful gleam in her eye. This place would destroy her. Her reasons for running all those years ago had not changed. She glanced as the Knights followed Arthur to the roundtable, to begin meetings and politics of its people. The next few days would be long. Her eyes caught Tristan's; she could not manage a smile at the despair written his eyes. He had done exactly what she wished. One night, he was gone when she woke. She caused that look, she caused that pain. That hurt more then pushing him the distance he needed to be from her.

They would never work; she dared not try and lose his friendship. She knew he would never speak of it again. He was a silent man, and held many secrets, and she added another to burden him. Her nervousness only increased at the thought that she destroyed their friendship in her attempt to hold onto it. Woman of the court knew these men were no marrying type; they did not wed, bare sons, and live happily. They waged war for a living, killed at leisure, and died in abundance. None of which they would burden a woman they loved with. Peace, the peace they hoped had now come was their dream that these were things they could finally have, families, love, happiness. Peace never lasted; it would always need to be protected by more war. Hypocrisy at it's finest. Yet now the peace would outweigh the battles, so hope would not die.

The next month was a flurry as plans were made for the walls keep was to be expanded and built larger. Arthur would stay at the wall, building his court there. He said it was a sign that he belonged to both sides of Briton he untied them. As assembly began to expand the Knights and Arthur would ride out to meet with the different high ranking families and meeting the tribes of woads. Arthur even talked of wanting to travel to Avalon. He met with the Irish king whose land was neighbor to their shores, talking of aid if either land needed. The lands were peaceful, and the people lived harmonious.

Kyla and Lourdes took up talking and teaching little things of Avalon. Guinevere spoke of and taught woad traditions and ways. Britons and Avalon both living together at the court with the Sarmation knights, who had villages of people on the horizon coming to build small homes with Arthur. The Britons happy to share their land with the people of the knight's country. They were quiet people, happy to live with there legendary men.

It brought a smile to the knight's faces. Their cultures blending not by servitude that was demanded, but an allegiance that was wanted. Briton was part of their lives, and Sarmatia wanted to embrace that. Arthur earning the Sarmations treaty as well if ever needed. All people welcome to come to Arthur's court whenever needed or wanted.

Lourdes had never seen her brother so happy. He would wear that huge grin and she couldn't help but smile as his joy spilled over to her. He loved Guinevere; he loved his land, his brothers in arms, and his people. It overjoyed her to know that he had peace finally within himself. His battle had been long; he struggled so after their mother died. It was the only thing that brought happiness to her at his court. She had noticed a change in Kylas demeanor as well. Something Kyla wasn't saying. She would fess up eventually, not long off was Beltane, and they would travel home to Avalon. May Day or Beltane was a ritual at Avalon and the priestess's were to be in attendance.

Lancelot had been caught up in everything with Arthur, the building going on, audiences with everyone in the land and surrounding countries. Their rides out to meet people. Time had flown so quickly, it had already been a month two months since Badon Hill. Dagonet had taken in the boy Lucan, and he was learning combat from the knights. Giving them a good chuckle every so often. Vanora and Bors now planed to marry. He was still amazed at how the ladies talked Vanora into marrying him. He had not forgotten his vow to settle the scores between him and Lourdes either.

He walked into the Tavern and sat down with Gawain and Galahad as they talked of women, the usual conversation piece. As new women had come to court, woads wanting to be with Guinevere. Not many, enough to catch the notice of the men though.

"When you get under all that blue paint, there are some beautiful women there" Galahad grinned as they watched the ladies around the Tavern.

"The paint becomes some of them, that barbaric appeal" Gawain retorted then turned his attention to his wine.

"What about you Lancelot? Women flock to you, or have you not had the pleasure…._yet_?" Galahad chuckled slyly. Lancelot grinned as a barmaid came to him bringing him a wine. He pointed at Galahad, showing his point of the 'yet' then turned his attention to the bar maid. She smiled down at him as he pulled her to his lap. She giggled, an irritating screech to other women's ears.

"Woads or Romans, even Avalon, women are women." He said as he quirked his eyebrow at his two companions. Gawain and Galahad nodded their agreement. Then eyed the person who approached behind him.

Lancelot did not notice and the person took a chair across from him. He was whispering to the barmaid who was giggling again.

"Do you think myself or Guinevere would stand for such degradation of our fellow kinswomen, we have warned them of the wolf you are." Lourdes asked with a sarcastic curiosity. Lancelot spun his head to her upon hearing her voice. He eyed her challengingly. She looked to the barmaid. "Get me a wine" She demanded softly nodding her head for her to leave. Gawain and Galahad bit their lips to suppress the grins and turned their heads to the side. Lancelot looked to the girl who hesitated nervously then back to Lourdes a furtive smirk played his lips.

Lourdes eyed the girl when she still did not move. "Did I not say it clearly?" She asked with a stern face.

"Y-yes My Lady" She scatted away quickly. She looked to Lancelot "Three an not even a week has passed, proving my point gloriously." She grinned at him. Gawain and Galahad sat silently watching the interaction.

"Jealous?" He leaned his arm on the table cocking his head to the side.

She chuckled. "Not if you were the last piece of horse shit on this earth." She shook her head shrewdly. Gawain and Galahad burst into laughter. She took the wine from the scared girl who could not meet her eyes then she quickly retreated to the tavern. "You were the one who pointed to the fact that I had you wrong" She added pointing to him figuratively before drinking her wine.

"Come now Lourdes, he isn't the only one who enjoys their women." Gawain defended looking at her.

"Yes, but you treat them with respect, he treats them like bitches in heat to do his bidding." Her retort was sly as she eyed Gawain. "He is an arrogant cocky ox, you are sweet and lovable Gawain" She put her hand on his cheek. "There are differences."

"Maybe you should try him and tell us what all the fuss is about" Galahad laughed. Lourdes smiled at him.

She leaned back in her chair "I would rather give myself up to the Saxons" She snorted with a roll of her eyes.

"Don't blame me for your insecurity as a man" Lancelot protested sweetly.

"They have no problems, showing they are men, she turned to Gawain. Believe me if you weren't like a brother to me." She leaned in and shocked both Lancelot and Galahad, as they watched wide eyed as she teasingly kissed Gawain, who seemed mesmerized. She pulled back and looked at him with an impish twinkle to her smile. "Oh the possibilities" She let her eyes roam over Gawain then got up leaving the table. Gawain stared after her with an awestruck face. Galahad looked at him intrigued. Lancelot's faced twisted to an amused leer after her.

Kyla and Guinevere chuckled watching the display as Lourdes left the table and made her way over to them. She looked to her friend as she took a seat at their table.

Kyla gave her and exasperated look" Are you done teasing the men for the night?" She snapped playfully.

She shook her head "Never" She declared proudly. The three ladies laughed.


	15. Chapter 14

Authors Note: Hope you guys enjoy and if you get to read this please review and or e-mail and let me know cause is screwing around and it doesn't show my story updated even though it is and is messing with my stats showing nobody ahs read the chapter. So let me know what you think of that chapter if you will please.

Lancelot watched her as she laughed at something Kyla said before Kyla took off out the gate, she was going for a ride with Guinevere. He had been hoping to speak with her, he never managed the right moment or his remarks would get the best of him and before he could say what he intended a verbal battle had begun. He watched the two leave form his spot on the wall, and when he turned saw Lourdes heading for her room.

He made his way down and through the people to catch her. He got to her door as her waiting woman was coming out he slipped in the door as she left. Lourdes' back was to him as she pulled up the shoulders of her dress, she had been changing.

"Marjorie can you lace this up for me" She asked over her shoulder. Lancelot eyed the lacings to the back of her dress and walked foreword. She had not noticed that he had entered or that Marjorie had left. He silently began to work the lacings together. An impish smile about his face. Lourdes fidgeted as she adjusted the dress here and there. He had to bit his lip as the amusement increased.

"I must say your actions towards a brother, intrigues my interest to see what your lovers receive." He commented on her actions of the previous night. Lourdes whirled around so fast, her eyes wide.

"What the hell are you doing!" The lacings he had been working on coming loose. She moved away from him putting a hand to her chest to make sure her dress didn't shift at all.

"I came to speak with you and Marjorie was leaving. You needed help, he nodded to her dress. I was merely replying to your request." She narrowed her eyes at him angrily. "You going to stand like that or are you going to let me finish?" He gestured and took a step foreword and she leaned away from her, her wooden table behind her blocking anymore of a retreat. Lancelot stopped cocking his head to the side along with his grin.

"Quite being a prude" He took her arm and turned her around continuing in lacing her gown. He saw her stiffen and that disturbed him.

She turned her head "I was to believe you only knew how to unlace them" She threw the remark over her shoulder at him bitterly.

"Much the same as they come undone they are done up am I not correct?" She turned her head back foreword flinching when his hand brushed her back. "You never answered my question" He shook it off concentrating on the lacing.

"What question?" She sighed turning her head to talk to him again.

"What do your lovers receive if you show such displays with your brothers?" He repeated his snide statement.

She sighed heavily "It was meant as a jest. Only you would be foul enough to think I would bed someone I consider a brother." She snapped nastily. She turned her head foreword again as he finished. He patted her waist to show he was done and she put distance between them quickly. She turned to face him. "As for lovers, not that it's your business, but I have none. They are a waste of time. Men are a waste of time." Her tone was condescending and stern.

His brow furrowed looking at her. "Maybe that's your problem _princess_" He drew out the last word mockingly.

She rolled her eyes "Did you come with a purpose or just to be a nosey nuisance about the activities of my bed" She was aggravated and flustered. She had reddened slightly, and he noticed. The reaction peaked his curiosity but he let it go.

"Yes I did, I have been wanting to tell you thank you" His voice had gone soft and gentle, a call for truce.

Her brow furrowed perplexed. "Thank you? For what?" Shakeing her head not understanding.

"Badon Hill…" Was the only reply he gave her as he now leaned against the table folding his arms across his chest. Slowly her face relaxed, and she looked away from him. "I never had the opportunity to thank you. We nearly lost you, because you were protecting me. I felt I had to at least let you know I appreciated it greatly."

She looked to him for a second shrugging it off. "I did what I had too, there wasn't enough time, and I was the only on close enough to reach you." She turned avoiding his gaze and busying herself with things in the room.

"Lourdes you nearly died that day, because of me." He pushed off the table; she was taking this too lightly.

Her face went hard and her jaw tensed. "No I nearly died because you had to play hero to my brother's wife" The last word was snarled.

"Why do you hate her?" He asked bewildered at the ill will Lourdes had for Guinevere.

Lourdes turned away, she hesitated. Something she rarely did. "I don't like any woman taking my place with my brother. He doesn't need me anymore. He has his wife, you knights. Why he bid me to stay I don't know. I was set to return home, to Avalon" She tried to harden her voice but instead it came out an unsure waver.

"This is your home, not Avalon!" He snapped, she whirled around at his tone. "He wanted you near him, especially with the realization that at any moment we could have lost you. He has been without you for eight years; he needs you here, with him." Lancelot's voice rose as he became angrier. "I was here in this room; saw his face when he saw you bleeding to death as they pulled that arrow out of you. I was the one who was holding you, covered in your blood, trying to keep you conscious." His arms gestured wildly to the room and the bed.

"I carried you off that battlefield. I never left your side." He was right in her face now a menacing whisper as he glared at her. "Do you remember what you said as they worked to heal you! I do, clearly. You begged me to let you die."

Her gaze met his she refused to look away. "Now you tell me why he would not let you leave, when you pleaded to die for a man you hate" His rage displayed in a venomous growl.

"You know nothing" He eyes were furious fire. "I was in pain, I didn't want to suffer. Arthur does not need me anymore; he has his land, his people, his knights, and his wife." Her voice now matched his. "You talk of me, yet your hypocrisy is evident." His jaw tensed meeting her gaze fiercely. "That's right, she sneered. You say I was willing to die for a man I hate, your right. You were willing to die for something you can never have, and that kills you. Lancelot finally has been taken down, you lost!" His eyes took her in he was completely confused.

"Seeing you be torn down to your true level is the most blessed thing I will ever see." It was an ominous contemptible whisper. She gave him a crude smile before grabbing her skirt up off the floor and walking to her door and slamming it behind her. Lancelot stood there his jaw tense as he breathed heavily in his anger and frustration. She had him completely confused. There was so much she wasn't saying, and nobody knew or would know till she spoke of it. He hollered furiously as he slammed his fist into her table before turning to leave the room himself.

Kyla and Guinevere rode in the canopy of the woods. There were scattered patches of sun filtering in; the fresh green tree left a pleasant scent in the air, as their horses strided through the brush. The peace and quiet with just the sounds of wind, and wildlife. Guinevere looked over at Kyla

"I can't help but wonder why you enjoy my company when your friend who you consider a sister, can't stand the sight of me" Guinevere asked inquisitively.

Kyla pursed her lips "Lourdes is stubborn, and not always do we share opinions of issues, or people" Her face wore irritation.

"Have you two had a disagreement?" Guinevere asked.

"Lourdes has a disagreement with everybody" She retorted rolling her eyes.

"I have noticed that, Guinevere chuckled. She is very lively. No fear. I respect that."

"How can you respect her? She treats you horribly for no reason" Kyla was flabbergasted.

"I know as you do I will find out someday why she feels so towards me. She has her reasons for things. We don't understand them, Guinevere shook her head lightly looking down at her horse. Arthur worries about her so much. She refuses to open up to him though."

Kyla sighed sadly. "She opens up to nobody. You were not the beginning of all this. She has carried this darkness for many years."

"She does not speak of it to anyone? Do you not have a hint of what it could be?" Guinevere longed to help her new sister; she was a difficult cause though.

Kyla looked up to the trees thinking for a second. "I have my suspicions; she would sooner kill me then tell me though. We just pray she doesn't let it destroy her completely."

Guinevere reached over grabbing her hand reassuringly. "No fear, she is a strong woman." Kyla gave her a smile.

"She will come around; she can hold a grudge long. Ask Lancelot. She laughed. You are her brother's wife though; she would do anything for Arthur" Guinevere nodded in agreement. Then watched Kyla turned her gaze to the surrounding tree as if distracted. She became silent as well, she was wallowing something.

"You seem distracted as of late Kyla, what burdens you?" Guinevere prodded ready to help with anything she needed. She had her suspicions it was to do with Tristan, she had caught the saddened desolate glances he had been giving her, and they hardly spoke.

Kylas shoulders sagged more. "I will be fine, just so much happening so soon. Your marriage to Arthur, his king making, the peoples coming together, visitors form foreign lands. Some of the Sarmation tribes coming to Briton, now Bors and Vanoras wedding. It leaves you to ask what next?" She chuckled lightly.

Guinevere knew she was trying to change the subject, she avoiding whatever it was. She eyed her and decided to let it go. "I understand your meaning, so much has happened and there is still so much more to come." Guinevere smiled as she hit a ray of sun and it heated her face.

"You love Arthur do you not?" Kyla asked suddenly.

Guinevere started at her in shock. "Yes, I love him deeply. He is my life."

Kyla looked slightly relieved. "Why would you ask such a question?" Guinevere's brow furrowed, slightly defensive.

Kyla met her gaze "I just needed to know for certain. Some noticed the interactions between you an Lancelot at your arrival here"

Guinevere couldn't help but chuckle. "Lancelot? That is incredulous. Never, we are just friends. Like I am with all the other knights." Kyla nodded turning back to her horse. "You love Tristan do you not?"

Kyla spun astounded at her bold question. "You asked a personal question I answered, am I not allowed to ask one in turn" Guinevere held an amused smile not deterred by the narrow of Kylas eyes.

"It is not as simple as that" Kyla snapped jerking her horse a little more forcefully.

"You love him, and he clearly loves you, what is more simple then that?" The Queen said plainly.

Kyla sighed irritated. "There are more factors. We have been friends for years. He is a very dear friend."

"Friendship turns into a beautiful love" Was the gentle reply she gave her riding companion.

Kyla seemed to contemplate it then eyed Guinevere. "You do not understand" Her voice quivered, so the Queen let it go once again taking her hand, to give her comfort.


	16. Chapter 15

Bors and Vanoras wedding was a few weeks later. Till the wee hours the court was littered with guests and music. Viviane traveled from Avalon, as well as the Irish King. The silence between Kyla and Tristan had become more intense. Lancelot and Lourdes had not spoken or should we say fought since the day he went to talk to her about Badon Hill.

Rumors had begun about rebel woads who were against Arthur. They were seceding from their tribes and banding together. They did not trust him for so many years he had fought against them, plus he was Roman. They feared and hated Rome and felt Arthur would betray them. They had not been hostile yet, the knights and Arthur were waiting though. Incase they decided to attack against him. His army was growing. Even some Romans stayed by his side. Alecto came to visit Arthur had become a huge influence on him and his paths.

Arthur made his way to the cemetery he was going to visit his father. He liked to go and just talk believing his father would be an advisor even in spirit. He walked through the graves and saw Lancelot standing on the ridge not far off to his right. He walked over to him. Lancelot had his back to him as he stood on the edge. He was looking out at the land before the fort. Arthur looked out and saw what he looked at. He smiled slightly and looked to his friend. Lourdes was walking across the land with Lucan holding his hand and they were talking and laughing enjoying the beautiful evening. He watched as Dagonet joined them and they laughed at something Lucan said. Lancelot's stare was intense, warm, longing, as the sad smile graced his lips. His gaze fixated on her, unmoving, nothing fazed him.

"If she could see the way you look at her, I wonder if it would not melt some of the ice around her." Lancelot was startled by his friend's voice and looked at him panicked. Arthur just stared at him.

"Nothing melts her; she is cold and devious. She hates men, me especially. She cares for no man but her brother." Lancelot had plastered on his smug grin and cocky eyebrows.

Arthur eyed him amused. "You can't play a fool with me Lancelot. You look at her, as I look at my wife"

"Arthur, he cocked his head to the side in a questioning way. Come now, me and her are sparring partners. That is the extent of our relationship"

"I notice that you take on defeat willingly when it concerns my sister, Arthur stepped closer to him looking out at Lourdes with Lucan and Dagonet as they made their way towards the fort. She is always the one to end the argument between you two. You never go after her. I think you have found something you have always wanted and always feared." Arthur challenged him as Lancelot's face went stiff his jaw clenched as he looked to the ground then to his friend again.

Arthur looked at his sister. "She is beautiful, head strong, a warrior, a healer, opinionated, unafraid, powerful, a priestess, the list goes on. She has no reservations of attacking you or anyone else at any moment. You never wanted a damsel in distress, my friend. Yet any women holding many of your own traits scares you. Because you love control, you love being their companion and lover, their protector. She needs none of those things." He began to walk away then he stopped turning back to his friend. "Or maybe she does." He turned and continued walking away from Lancelot.

Lancelot sighed watching his friend go to the grave of his father then looked out again and saw Lourdes walk with Lucan and Dagonet back into the fort. He exhaled heavily then began to walk back himself.

Lourdes sat in Lucan's room; he had pleaded sweetly for her tot ell him a story before he went to sleep. She smiled wiling to appease him. She enjoyed spending time with him and the other children. Bors and Vanoras children were always clamoring for her or Kyla. She was nearly to the end of her story when the door to Lucans room burst open.

Gawain stood there out of breath he had clearly run and his looked panicked. "You have to come quick, something has happened to Kyla."

Lourdes' eyes widened in fear. "Stay with Lucan" She got up and hurried away to Kylas room. She reached the hallway and saw the knights standing in the hallway with stricken faces. She ran down the corridor quickly pushing her way into the room. She saw Guinevere and Arthur standing on either side of her bed.

Lourdes went to her bedside quickly. Kyla had a sweat across her brow; her face was scrunched in pain as she groaned holding her stomach. She looked down and saw all the blood on her skirt. "What happened?" She asked quickly eyeing them both.

"We were taking our evening ride, she complained of not feeling well. Then suddenly she toppled off the horse, clutching her stomach she was pale, and I noticed her bleeding. What is wrong with her?" Guinevere was alarmed holding Kylas hand.

"Out! Both of you! Get me Vanora and Dagonet!" She harshly commanded. As she began to look Kyla over. She left no room for argument as they rushed form the room to do as she commanded. She wiped Kylas brow as she breathed heavily through the pain.

"Shhh, I am here" She kissed her brow soothing her. Lourdes looked her over, peeling the dress off her thinking she was having a bad bought of her course. She looked her over and began to notice the signs. "Kyla have you been ill lately?" She asked her. Kyla nodded. "Dizzy?" Kyla nodded again. She knew she had to get this bleeding to stop and quickly.

Vanora and Dagonet rushed in and Vanora went to Lourdes' side immediately. Lourdes gave a leveled look. "She is pregnant" Was all she said and Vanoras eyes went wide looking at her. Understanding washing over he face. "We need to stop her bleeding quickly" Lourdes looked at the blood as did Vanora.

"She hasn't passed the child yet. There is still hope, if we can stop the blood flow." Vanora told her.

Lourdes turned to Dagonet "Fill the large basin with cold water we need to get her in cold water quickly." He began to get up and Lourdes grabbed his arm. "Don't speak a word to them" She commanded. He nodded understandingly. She heard him leave and told all the knights to grab pales of cold water, to try and fill it quicker.

"Elevate her legs" Vanora said sticking pillows under her legs to elevate them above her heart.

"Kyla did you know?" Lourdes asked her. Kyla looked at her hysterically.

She shook her head wildly. "No, I didn't"

Lourdes got closer to her to catch her gaze and gently asked with just one word. "Tristan?" She whispered.

Kyla stared at her then nodded. Lourdes closed her eyes and sighed. Dagonet and Vanora took the buckets with the knights help they were able to fill it quickly, Lourdes demanded they stay out though. Dagonet picked her up and put her in the large basin still in the sheet. She was chattering within a few minutes. Vanora tried to keep her calm and prayed the bleeding stopped before the chill set into her.

It was about half an hour before the bleeding stopped, Lourdes just smiled relieved at Vanora. "She didn't pass the baby. She will have to be sedate for awhile. Till the child is stronger." Dagonet got her out of the basin while Vanora and Lourdes dressed her and put her under blankets to sleep.

"You stay with her I am going to clean up and talk to someone" Lourdes' jaw was tense, as she curtly said the words. Vanora nodded and Dagonet stayed as well.

Lourdes went into the corridor and the knights all stood off the wall to look at her. She purposely avoided Tristan's gaze. "She is fine. She needs rest though. She needs to gain strength." The knights all looked relieved. "Now go you can see her later" Her eyes met Tristan's. "Can I talk to you?" He nodded as the other knights took leave down the corridor. She nodded to her room down the hall, and began to walk Tristan followed. They entered and she shut the door behind her.

"She's pregnant" was all she said. Tristan's realization washed over his face in tidal waves. "About three months almost, so if I do my calculations correctly, around Arthur's wedding, am I right?" She looked at him. Tristan met her gaze, before looking to the floor. The only response she needed.

"Tristan you must speak with me." She pleaded.

He sighed heavily running a hand over his face "We haven't spoken a word of it, since it happened." He whispered. He turned to look at her, he looked defeated.

"I know not what to tell you. Tristan this is something between the two of you. I tell you this though." She walked over to him." She loves you. She is terrified of losing you" She held his face gently; the sadness and grief in his eyes broke her heart. Tristan was a close friend. She hated to see him hurt like this. "Do you love her?"

"More then I ever thought I could love anything" His response was instant and it made her smile.

"Then do what you need to do, don't let her run from you. She could have bled to death tonight; she kept the baby though, by some blessing. She will need your strength." Tristan smiled to her and took her hand squeezing it as a warm thank you. Then he took off for Kylas room.


	17. Chapter 16

Tristan stayed by her side all night. He held her hand staring at her brushing the hair from her face. He kept glancing to her stomach. She would not show for at least another month or two. He gave into his impulse after a few hours. He ran his hand over her abdomen. It brought tears to his eyes. He closed them concentrating on the warmth of her stomach, knowing his child lay in there. Their child. He looked to her peaceful face and a tear slide down his cheek. The entire situation had him in awe. He looked at her, then to his hand as it rubbed her stomach. The emotions he felt were something that had died to him so long ago. To want something as badly as he did, when he had never thought of having love or children .He nodded his head as if making up his mind. He got up he had something to take care off.

Lourdes made her way to Arthur's room. She got there and knocked and entered at her brother's voice. She saw Bors and Guinevere there as she entered. She eyed them. "Please I need to speak with my brother" She gestured to the door. Arthur nodded and the two other occupants left.

Arthur watched his sister as she seemed anxious. "What is wrong?" Then fear gripped him. "Is Kyla alright?" He asked urgently.

"She is fine, Lourdes answered softly. She looked to the floor then to her brother. "Arthur she is pregnant."

Arthur's brow furrowed as he thought on that news. His eyes wandered over the fire in the hearth behind where she stood. Then his eyes snapped to her suddenly in realization. Lourdes gave him a knowing look. "It's Tristan's child" She voiced his thoughts.

Arthur sank back in his chair some, bringing his hand to his mouth his elbow resting on the chair, as he let the information sink in. "Have you given him the news?" He asked without looking back up to her.

She nodded" Yes, he told me he loved her." That brought a smile to Arthur's face.

"Tristan having a child." Arthur whispered to more himself.

"It will be beautiful, she is beautiful, and he is a good-looking man." Lourdes' smile widened as she exchanged it with Arthur. "Nobody else knows, I only told you cause you are his commander and friend. I thought it his and Kyla's place to tell the others."

He nodded his head slowly agreeing." What do you think he will do?" He asked suddenly a curious grin on his face.

"If we know Tristan and we know nobody does, she chuckled.All I can say for sure is make her happy." Arthur laughed as she continued to make her way from the room after kissing her brothers forehead.

Kyla awoke the next afternoon. The sun was set far in the sky as she stirred. As she did she felt someone take her hand. She opened her eyes and saw Tristan at her bedside. She sighed closing her eyes against tears. She knew he had heard the news. He reached his free hand foreword cupping her cheek. She opened her eyes back to look at him.

"You will have to rest." He told her softly. She looked to their intertwined hands. " The baby will be fine. Lourdes has made you a drink, the herbs in it will give you both strength" He reached over grabbing the cup and she sat up slightly to drink it.

"Are you angry?" She asked quietly as she laid back down turning her attention to the hem of her blanket.

He gave her a reassuring smile. "What purpose would I have to be angry?"

"Well, I am pregnant—"

Tristan put a finger to her lips silencing her. "You are carrying my child. A gift I never thought I would receive." Kyla bit her lip to hold back the tears. "I love you more for it, when I thought it wasn't possible to love you more." His hand stroked her cheek as Kyla couldn't hold back the tears.

"You only say such things cause I carry your child" She protested sadly.

Tristan closed his eyes reining his frustration. "I have always loved you Kyla, he said forcefully. You always denied me."

"I only tried to keep our friendship intact. I did not want to lose you." Her reproach cut at him and he sighed lightly.

"I want more. I have the chance to have something I never thought I could. Never fathomed I would be able to feel how I do for you. I want you, our child" He nodded slightly to her stomach running his hand over it comfortingly.

"Tristan—"She began again.

"Marry me" His blunt statement caused Kylas words to stop abruptly.

Her eyes went wide. "What?" She started unwillingly to believe she heard him correctly.

Tristan couldn't help but give up a smile at her surprised expression. "Marry me" He said again with a lighthearted tone.

Her gaze became weary as she he looked at him. "I will not marry for the sake of a child." Her firm reply hardening her face.

"No marry for the sake of my heart, cause I never want to live without you" He whispered in her ear. Her tension gave way as she turned to him; he was so close to her. Her grief over the situation worn clearly on her face. She struggled to make sense of it all, and Tristan watched every emotion play across her eyes.

"Do you love me?" He whispered the question catching her gaze.

She opened her mouth to retort and he shook his head. "Do you love me? Simple yes or no"

Her chin quivered as she tried to keep the tears in. "You know I do" her voice faltered. She looked to the bed and the tears fell down her cheeks. "I have always loved you"

He lifted her chin and kissed her fervently "Then marry me, promise to make me happy, bare my children, and yell at me when I am wrong and even when I am not" He grinned. Kyla couldn't help but laugh through her tears. "Do you want to marry me?"

Kyla grinned gleefully and nodded excitedly. "Yes"

Tristan's genuine smile came through and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. He went to his pocket and pulled out the ring it was a gold band maybe half and inch wide. Small sapphire triangles alternated on the top and bottom of the ring and on the front on the center was a huge oval sapphire. Kylas mouth fell open as she looked at it.

"It reminded me of your eyes" Tristan whispered almost afraid to break the moment. Kyla was hesitant to take it. Tristan grabbed her hand and began to put the ring on her finger.

Kyla looked at her hand happily. She hugged him to her fastening his lips to hers. Tristan chucked as she pulled him to her and she laid down pulling him out of the chair and he put his arms out to support himself as he hovered over her. "You are supposed to be resting." He chided her playfully.

"I want to go tell everyone. I promise I will rest after dinner." She begged him softly.

He smiled and nodded for her to get up." I will hold you to that vow. You must have rest. I do want another incident like yesterday"

She nodded with a smile, as he called for Vanora to come help her get ready for dinner with as little stress as possible.


	18. Chapter 17

It was evening and everyone was making their way to the roundtable for supper. As they were all getting seated Kyla walked in with Tristan. The room looked to the two of them.

"Why are you out of bed, you need rest" Lourdes chided her right away looking concerned.

"I am fine I have been resting all day." Kyla smiled.

"You are feeling better then?" Galahad asked. Kyla nodded as she took a seat next to Tristan.

"I actually wanted to tell you the news" She tried so hard to hold back her smile. She glanced at Tristan. The men seated around the table looked curious as Guinevere just waited apprehensively.

"What news?" Gawain asked.

Kyla looked to Tristan. Tristan smiled and turned to his companions. "Kyla is pregnant" The silence hung as the shocked faces of the knights just looked at them.

"That's wonderful" Guinevere stated gleefully.

The knights all looked confused, and Kyla was holding back a grin as well, as the other three who knew. Tristan was toying with them. Bors looked to Lancelot who sat next to him, in a silent question, Lancelot shrugged quite lost as well.

Arthur and the two women had to bit their cheeks from laughing out loud. "But whose child is it?" Dagonet asked in his gentle voice.

"This child is mine" Tristan looked at the men. The wine Lancelot had been drinking spurted out as he chocked as he heard the statement. Gawain patted his back roughly with a chuckle. The knights stared at him.

"Yours?" Bors asked with a sly grin.

Tristan nodded with a side glance to Kyla. "Tristan is breeding" Bors called out cheerfully amused.

"Finally someone besides you is" Gawain rolled his eyes. The other occupants began to laugh.

"There's more" Kyla glanced at Lourdes and Guinevere impishly. She held out her hand. "We are getting married." Now it was Lourdes who choked and Arthur patted her back chuckling at her.

"This is fabulous" Vanora clapped her hands.

"Married?" Lourdes asked astounded. She got up from her seat as Kyla nodded excitedly, the other knights exchanged grins. "Let me see that" Lourdes made her way to Kyla. She took her hand as Guinevere and Vanora joined her. The men had to chuckle as they formed a little huddle chattering away to one another.

"Marriage, children, and jewelry it'll keep them occupied for hours" Bors chuckled as he whispered to the nights.

Vanora poked her head form the huddled narrowing her eyes threateningly at him letting him know she heard that. Bors shut up trying to subside his mirth. The other knights laughed heartily though.

As they returned to their seats as the supper was brought in chatting was heard all over the room as everyone began their own conversations. Guinevere and Vanora asking Kyla a million questions and making plans already. The knights talking to Tristan and joking over their meals. Lourdes poked at her supper not really hungry. Arthur noticed she wasn't eating or talking, just smiling happily and answering when needed.

He leaned over to whisper to her over the noise of the room. "Are you feeling alright?" Lourdes nodded without meeting his gaze. Arthur tried to get her to look at him she just continued to stare at her plate, concentrating on something.

"Lourdes?" Arthur asked.

She sighed irritated, then turned to look at him. "I am fine" She stated firmly through a tight smile. She got up and went to Kyla. She smiled and whispered something to her and kissed her cheek, and then she left the room. Arthur's brow furrowed slightly bothered by her reaction.

Kyla watched her leave and glanced to Arthur and Guinevere who had seen the whole thing as well. Kyla wore a sympathetic face. This was going to be so hard on her. She knew Lourdes was happy for her. She was alone though. Out of the four women three will have been married in a four month span. Lourdes was the last one of them. She had no suitors, no lover, just Arthur. Her brother was the only man she ever let herself care about. As much as she tried to hide it, being alone hurt, more then she ever thought it would. Kyla knew there was more to it. She sighed, so much more.

Guinevere made her way out of the hall after supper to begin searching for Lourdes. Her company was the last she would want more then likely but she needed a friend right now. It is what she appeared to need. She longed to be her friend, they had so much in common, and they could have been close sisters. She turned and saw her standing on the wall. Her eyes closed letting the cool evening brush over her. Guinevere made her way up the stairs.

"You looked like you could use a drink" She said catching Lourdes' attention, Lourdes turned and eyed her maliciously, then gave in and took the cup from Guinevere's hands.

Lourdes took a healthy chug. Guinevere walked to stand next to her leaning on the wall facing her. "You will age far too quickly at this rate" she stated looking at her sister.

Lourdes responded with a side ways glare. Guinevere sighed. "I do not expect you to confide in me." She watched her for a reaction for a second, nothing. "You must cast out these demons though. Please Arthur is worried for you. I beg you of you at least speak with him." Her tone turned to a plea.

Lourdes Growled as she whirled to face Guinevere. "Why can no one in this fort keep their noses to themselves? My burdens are my own. You all have your happy little lives, live them and let me be" She snapped irritated.

"We care for you. Destroying yourself over this problem, whatever it be. Is not something we want to see" Guinevere grew angry raising her voice slightly.

Lourdes stepped closer as well "I am breathing." She said plainly shrugging sarcastically.

Guinevere eyed her perplexed and astonished. "Is this what you want?" Her brow furrowed. "Just like at Badon Hill…." Guinevere trailed off. "You weren't planning to come out of the battle alive. This was your purpose? Why you chose to become a warrior." Guinevere took in her stony gaze and challenging face. Arthur's words floated though her mind '_it's a family tradition_'

"Is it truly that horrible? You would risk life and limb to get away from it?" Guinevere asked inquisitively.

Lourdes took a deep breath rolling her eyes "Do not pretend you know me. You know nothing of my causes, thoughts, or problems." Lourdes turned her gaze back out to the grounds outside the wall. "No one wishes for death, it is to easily achieve."

"Your wish then?" Guinevere asked firmly.

Lourdes turned to her with a wry grin" Being how I am has served me well for years. Why should I change now? You do not know me; don't pretend to bond with me. You will never know me"

"No one will" Guinevere said boldly. "That's what you are wanting though isn't it?" She did not need a reply she turned and left. It was pointless; she would not speak to her about any issue.


	19. Chapter 18

Okay beat me with a wet noodle I have been slacking… I have been tweaking my storyline though and helping a friend write her story. I am here though and will continue to write, got lots more coming folks so hold onto your panties…. A mess of worms will be opened soon…. Mwauh

The knights rode out that morning to meet Viviane's caravan while Lourdes and Guinevere stayed with Kyla. A month had passed quickly and a small rise had started in her belly. She was beaming constantly Tristan and her were to be wed and she was carrying his child. She had never been happier. She had gained strength and her stress was gone. Her and the baby were healthy. She and Tristan had decided to wed at Beltane. They would ride out with Viviane back to Avalon when she departed along with Lourdes.

Lourdes had kept a low profile in the past month. Nobody had really seen her much or talked to her. She was quiet. Arthur knew it was a lot to do with Kyla. Her best friend was leaving her in a way. She was losing her to Tristan and the baby. The last person she held close to her. Viviane was in Avalon, Arthur was married and king, now Kyla was pregnant and soon to be married. Lourdes kept to the sidelines away from view and lines of questions. All the knights had noticed though along with the other three women. Vanora and Kyla tried to talk to her, Lourdes just waved them off with a laugh.

Jols came to announce Viviane and the knights return. Lourdes, Kyla, Guinevere, and Vanora all headed for the gate. As they entered after the coach came in they saw the knights and Arthur lined up on their horses against the side wall, Jols tending to the horses already as the knights began to dismount. Viviane stepped off the coach with a hand from Arthur.

She turned and saw the four women standing in a line towards the back of the coach. Kyla grinned as she walked to her quickly and hugged her tightly. Viviane smiled when she pulled back and put her hands at the sides of her stomach and smiled at the small rise of it. She looked to Kyla kissing her forehead. "I am so joyous for you." She shook her head lightly. She looked to Tristan and waved him over. Tristan came foreword out of the line of knights. Viviane put a hand on his cheek. "Thank you, for making her so happy" She kissed his cheek. "We have much planning to do for your binding at the fires." Excitement laced her voice.

The other knights began to step foreword to greet her as well. Guinevere went with Vanora and hugged her graciously. Lourdes stayed outside the crowd and Viviane met her gaze. Lourdes came foreword her smile plastered on her face. Viviane looked over her sadly putting a stay hair behind her ear and hugged her "You hide nothing from me child" She whispered to her. Lourdes met her eyes and just continued to smile as they all made their way into the hall.

Wine was passed around and chatter began as plans for the wedding and discussions of other things began around the room. Till Arthur and Viviane were discussing something quietly when Lourdes asked. "When shall we be departing for Avalon?"

Viviane looked to her and Arthur. "We aren't I will remain here now till after Kyla has her child" She said simply.

Lourdes looked at her confused "What of Beltane? We have to have the Beltane rites"

"You will, Arthur chimed in and nodded to the room. Here"

"Here!" Lourdes exclaimed.

Viviane nodded "Yes the woads and Avalon share the same customs we should celebrate together. The knights share much of our customs; some of their tribes celebrate the fires. Arthur feels his people should celebrate together their customs and beliefs"

"Viviane really-"Lourdes began incredulously.

"Lourdes why is this such and issue? Anyone who chooses may take part in the Beltane Fires you know this. What difference would it make where they are held?" She prodded. Lourdes sat back in her chair taking a deep breath irritated.

"Would you not share your culture and beliefs with me?" Arthur asked her. "Guinevere longs to learn of Avalon"

Lourdes' eyes narrowed "Why not take that as well, she has taken everything else." Lourdes snarled as she got up from her chair. "Give her my place in the rites, I have no use for it, I shall not be attending." She left the room angrily.

Arthur looked at Viviane then Guinevere putting his hand in hers with a smile as he saw the pained expression on her face. Viviane met Kylas gaze with a sad sigh. Viviane got up form her chair and left to follow as everyone watched from the tense tones from a moment before.

Viviane went to her quarters and walked right in shutting the door firmly behind her. Eyeing her sternly as if a mother to a child. Lourdes looked at her determinedly.

"Are you angry cause Guinevere will attend or is it that I took your hopes of fleeing to Avalon away?" She asked firmly. Lourdes's gaze narrowed on her. "Don't take me for a fool Lourdes. You may confuse the others, I know you." Viviane's voice lowered with her eyes as they narrowed at her.

Lourdes snarled slightly but stood firm in her silence. Viviane walked over closer to her at the end of the bed. "You will take your place in the ceremonies; you will stop this and be the priestess you are." Viviane commanded at her.

Lourdes looked at her violently. "I am a priestess, I need no place at the rites to prove that" She replied lowly.

"You WILL be at the fires; Kyla is to be wed there. Would you deny her happiness by being callus and childish and not showing in her honor?" Viviane asked quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Of coarse not! I am not being childish" Lourdes spat back.

Viviane gave her a rue smile. "Yes you are a brat! You have been taught better then this, your animosity towards Guinevere will end. You have no justifiable excuse for it."

"You know nothing of my reasons behind what I do!" Lourdes growled to her standing taller in defiance.

"I am no fool!" Viviane advanced on her quickly caused Lourdes to step back started at her sudden tone. "I hide you for eight years, I made you the woman you are and taught you, nurtured you, and I know you! Now it is time you faced up to it."

Lourdes' eyes went wide at her a flicker of panic washing over her face draining of color. Viviane shook her head slowly putting a hand to her cheek. "No my child your secrets are safe with me. They will be revealed though" She sighed looking at the girl before her sadly. The beautiful powerful cold woman. Viviane brushed the hair form her forehead "I often wondered what you were like as a happy vibrant carefree child. Before you were tainted with this hate, this darkness inside of you. When you came to Avalon you wanted to help yourself from becoming this…" Viviane's gaze washed over her despair written in her eyes. "Avalon gave you no refuge, you could not make yourself forget and it turned you bitter. I wonder sometimes if you're not your own worst demon."

Lourdes eyed her refusing to let anything show as her jaw clenched. She felt the ache of tears at hearing the words but pushed them back, refusing them. "I am a strong, independent woman. I went to Avalon to be a priestess. It was my destiny. What just because I don't prance around giggling and weepy I am not a woman. I have no patience for ninnies and their sniveling" She scowled angrily.

Viviane pursed her lips. "You are going to lose Lourdes. This war you have waged will end and everything will come out and you will have lost. You are a strong woman; you are also a terrified little girl on other matters." Viviane turned making her way to the door before turning back to her. "You will take your place at Beltane." then walked out shutting the door behind her.


	20. Chapter 19

The few weeks leading up to Beltane became increasingly busy as woads and others from across the land came to celebrate Beltane with their king. Avalon's priest's and Priestess' arrived 3 days before the rites were to begin. Woads slowly came out of the woods to help with preparations. Viviane, Kyla, and Lourdes running back and forth with Arthur and Guinevere making sure everything was ready and right. Seeing as also there would be a wedding. Feast preparations, things needed for the ceremonies, gifts were flowing in for the knight and his bride-to-be. It was abuzz and crawling with people. The knights were happy to participate and help.

They sat around in a huddle helping bring in the fires woods, seeing as specific woods were needed. Beltane began that evening, so it was very busy. Arthur was with Lourdes and Kyla over seeing everything and the others were all scattered. Tracking them down to sit still had been nearly impossible for a week now.

Galahad looked around at all the people with their tasks. "Can anyone explain to me what Beltane is exactly?" He asked confused as to what the holiday truly was or meant.

Dagonet looked up at him smiling as he lifted another bale of wood. "The fires are tradition. It's spring. The celebration and blessings for a fertile season."

"All this for that?" Gawian asked.

The men chuckled. " Hell it's a party with wine and food. I'm willing for that." Bors grinned.

"It's much more then that" A voice spoke form behind them as Viviane and Arthur walked up to them.

"Please tell us my lady" Lancelot grinned at her.

Viviane returned his grin. "Beltane is a celebration as Dagonet said for fertility. Blessing the earth and the crops, also the women." That statement caught all the men's attention.

"The women?" Galahad asked curiously.

Arthur smiled at Viviane as she glanced at him. "Avalon and Britons among other pagan societies depend on the fertility of their women to keep their tribes growing. So yes it's blessing their women's fertility as well."

"What exactly goes on at these rites?" Bors asked inquisitively.

"Dancing around fires, singing, merrymaking with food and wine, blessings of the animals, earth, and women." Guinevere's voice chimed in as she walked up to the group.

"Blessings? How?" Lancelot asked.

The three held back smiles. "Well, Viviane began. With prayers of the goddess and the god, herbs, woods of certain importance. She gestured to the piles of wood. Also the goddess and the god becoming one."

The men looked around at one another confused. "Maidens at the fires go with men who chose them and they bless the earth with fertility by making love outside on the earth coming together as a sign of the god and the goddess uniting for fertility and love."

The knights eyes all went slightly wide glancing at one another then back to the three standing before them. "Outside?" Gawain asked.

"Just random women?" Galahad added perplexed gesturing his hand out in question.

Guinevere chuckled as Viviane and Arthur smiled. "It's about sexuality, celebrating life. Women's sexual right and gift of baring children and giving thanks for it. You don't have to participate in the fires; you are not required to take part in that festivity if you chose not too." Guinevere chuckled more.

"I will assume you will though, you are men" Lourdes startled them as she walked up behind the group. She eyed them slyly.

"Arthur, you being a Christian you are fine with this?" Lancelot asked eyeing him.

Arthur gave a side glance to Guinevere and then looked to Lourdes. " My sister and wife's beliefs are as much as my own. They are free to worship their religion as they so choose. The lands people celebrate and worship in this and I support them." He nodded to his friend. Lancelot grinned.

"You knights are more then welcome to join our rites. Most of your tribes in Sarmatia hold their own fires." Viviane smiled amused.

Lourdes eyed the group of men before looking at Lancelot who was looking at her and it startled her. She sneered walking over to stand by Viviane. "Yes by all means, she nodded her head to the side. With Lancelot in attendance I am sure we will have no Maidens left to return to Avalon." She pursed her lips with a sarcastic smirk before turning to leave. She caught his narrowed glare as she turned and left quickly. The other knights chuckling, Viviane watched her leave as did Guinevere.

Lourdes went with Kyla to check the preparations of the food and wine. Seeing as Beltane wine was specially made and certain foods were eaten. Kyla was all smiling and Lourdes couldn't help but catch it and smile brightly at her friend's happiness. Kyla looked at her as she tasted the wine and even through her smile she saw the despair and sadness. Kyla brushed her hair from her shoulders giving her a warm look. "It is to be a happy time Lourdes."

Lourdes glanced at her smiling. "I am happy"

Kyla gave her a rue grin. "I believe that is not the truth."

Lourdes rolled her eyes slightly looking to the vat of wine. "What you believe is not the truth" She retorted.

"Is having the celebration here that much a bother?" Kyla asked exasperated.

Lourdes sighed lightly before motioning for a kitchen hand to tend to the wine and turning to Kyla. "No it is not that much of a bother. I just longed to see Avalon. I miss it." She shrugged and began to pass her.

Kyla grabbed her arm stopping her. "I do not think you miss it as much as you long for refuge from the wall." Lourdes met her gaze sternly before pulling her arm away and leaving the kitchens.

That evening woads dispersed to all the room and put out the hearths. They needed to be filled with Beltane woods and relit close to dawn. All across the country the fires were being put out to be replaced with the sacred woods of Beltane and relit. As the fires were relit just before dawn many people rose from bed to begin preparations for the day for it was Beltane. The celebration and feast would begin at day break. There were Kitchen hands pouring out of the kitchen preparing all the food. Wine was being dispersed to the taverns, and set up of the table holding Arthur, the knights, and ladies of Avalon had begun. The women were quickly making their way into the woods picking flowers to give as decorations for festivity. As they returned with baskets of wild flowers and they were divided as decorations and the other half for the women themselves to wear seeing as their hair was usually adorned and their cloths. Viviane went with the Merlin to see that everything for Kylas binding with Tristan was set and ready.

Around midday the fort began to empty of the women and the knights went looking for Arthur. He was standing with Viviane and the Merlin at the courtyard.

"Arthur where have all the women disappeared too?" Gawain asked looking around.

Viviane smiled at him with a small chuckle. "They have gone to bath in the stream outside the wall. May Day waters are purifying. So all the women go and bath in the waters."

The men looking around their interests peeked. "You mean there are a couple hundred naked women in the stream in the woods" Bors pointed towards the woods on the other side of the wall astounded.

Arthur laughed. "Yes that's right Bors. Including your wife" Arthur leaned over to him slightly.

Bors eyes widened and Tristan looked to Arthur. "Yes Tristan Kyla as well, my wife is with them as well along with my sister."

The men were flabbergasted. Bors brow furrowed strained and bewildered. "You're really positive a bunch of naked women are bathing together out there?" He continued to point. The knights all began to laugh.

Lancelot patted his shoulder chuckling. "Don't worry Bors, it'll be okay."

Gawain looked to Viviane. "That's why the gate is closed" He laughed lightly.

Viviane nodded. "The ladies need their privacy."

The knights all whipped around to look at the gate their shoulders slouching in disappointment. Arthur just broke out laughing.

As daybreak came everyone made their way out of the fort to the grand setup over the land just inside the wall. Woads, Avalon, Sarmations from the tribes now scattered across Briton, and the patrons of the Arthur's castle at the wall mingled together. As they formed around the site of the wedding ceremony anticipating seeing the knight marry.

"So many people happy and awed to see Tristan marry." Gawain chuckled.

"Yeah, only time this reaction would be seen again is if Lancelot married." Bors chuckled and the knights burst into laughter.

"That day shall never come" Galahad shook his head amused.

"Even if he found a woman who could capture his heart, she would probably kill him before having the patience to deal with him." Gawain guffawed. Lancelot rolled his eyes and laughed. Their words hurt though. They didn't have that intention but it hurt. That even his friends thought him incapable of love, of finding a woman willing to except him as a husband and not just a lover or companion. A woman who would do more then just bow at his feet and heed to his every command and need. He didn't want that. He didn't want obedience cause they feared losing him. He eyed his friends then everyone's gaze turned to Kyla and Tristan as they came in. As his gaze turned he saw Lourdes standing next to Viviane by the altar. She had her hair up and was smiling at Viviane as she said something to her. She had on an off the shoulder light green gown it laced down the bodice in the front under her chest. Her sleeves were sheer colored the same as they reached almost the floor as her arms sat at her sides. The flowing skirts at her waist a small V form at the front. She had flowers adorned in her hair and silver jewelry to match the silver trimming of her gown. All the women wore flowers as the make of Beltane. His gaze then worked over Tristan and Kyla as they walked along the procession of people towards the altar where the Merlin was.

Kyla looked radiant her hair decorated with flowers half of it flowing over her shoulders as the sun bounced off the red. She was an ivory gown the fabric was easy moving and iridescent almost pearl like. She had very little sleeves on it and a sweetheart neckline. A floral applicant covered the chest sleeves, shoulder across her shoulder blades and upper back to the high neck at the back of the gown. It was in different subtle colors across it. The waist was high starting a few inches under her bust allowing room for her expanding waistline yet hiding it slightly. It was beautiful and Viviane and Lourdes smiled at her. Tristan kept glancing at her as they walked to a stop finally in front of the four at the altar.

Everyone watched as they were wed smiles gracing their faces the entire time. Lourdes took a deep breath. She was it, the last of the girls to not be married. She though Kyla would hold out and be by her side forever. She should know better. Her love for Tristan was something that could not be denied. They were a wonderful pairing. She glanced out over the crowd slightly and saw the knights smiling happily for their comrade. Gawain and Galahad would marry soon too, Gawain longed to settle down and Galahad followed his friend's footsteps. Dagonet she was sure would marry to as soon as he found the right woman; Dagonet was the kind of man that needed to share his compassion and love. Her eyes rested on Lancelot, she had to restrain a scoff. Him marry was the most humorous thing she had ever though of. He would remain a bachelor for the rest of his days. He enjoyed his women to much and his freedom to do as he chose. Lourdes turned as she heard everyone start to clap and began to clap as well presenting them as the happy knew couple. Tristan placed a hand over her stomach warmly as he leaned over and kissed cheek. Lourdes refused to cry, she never thought she had ever seen Kyla so happy. Something she has never experienced, she hung her head slightly. She never would either. She would never have children, or marry; she would always be by herself. She took a deep breath; she accepted that fate long ago...

"Come it is almost nightfall, we must prepare for the ritual" Viviane grabbed her gently. Lourdes nodded and followed her kissing Kyla on the cheek and telling her she would see her soon as she was done.


	21. Chapter 20

People quickly changed as they headed back down to the field the head table that stretched in front of the large bails of would that would be the Beltane fires was filled quickly with knights and the ladies of Avalon. The head spots saved for the Merlin and Viviane who would light the fires. Kyla took a seat beside Tristan as Arthur and Guinevere sat side by side next to the Merlin's spot. A spot next to Viviane left open for Lourdes and Bors and Vanora took a spot next to them. Gawain and Galahad ended the table on Viviane's end as Lancelot and Dagonet finished the table on Merlin's end.

Kyla left with Tristan to take their place in the procession leading in as well as Arthur. The knights watched as music began and the procession of maidens emerged form the gates. Merlin in front with Viviane behind them was Arthur escorting Lourdes on his arm as a high priestess of Avalon. She wore a black top that wrapped tight around her bust just enough to cover her showing the tops of her breasts bountifully a thin strap started under her right arm coming over her collarbone and wrapping around her back to meet where it began the top asymmetrically cut revealed most of her stomach. She had a matching black flowing skirt on that reached the ground it was cut up the right side though and held on by lacings over her hip showing an intricate Celt marking over her hip and down over her thigh the skirt sitting snuggly on her hips. She wore an arm band on her upper arm that was silver with the head and tail of a dragon. She had heavy dark makeup around her eyes giving her eyes a smoldering appearance the green shining like green lights in the darkness of the night. A curling Celt mark at her right eye, at a side glance you could see the elements symbol on the expanse of her lower back. The knights eyed her awed. Kyla trailed behind her with Tristan in a black simple gown sleeveless her waistline began under her bust once again and laced up her bust showing the beginning of her growing chest due to her pregnancy. It flowed down her body fluidly and bore a slit that reached thigh you could see her Celt design over her shin and calf as she walked along with another over her left arm and shoulder. The knights watched the women as they made there way to the bales behind Merlin and Viviane. Arthur glancing at his sister occasionally as Lourdes tried to hold back a grin. Tristan openly ogled Kyla.

Merlin and Viviane walked to the bales of woods reciting a prayer before lighting them and the crowd of people around the ceremony cheered and laughed and celebrated. Viviane took Merlin's offered arm and headed towards the table. Followed by Kyla who lopped her arm through Arthur's and Tristan's and proceeded to the table taking their spots. As they did the knights looked to see Lourdes in a huge circle with all the maidens all joined hands as they said a blessing.

"What's going on?" Bors leaned over whispering.

Viviane nodded to the maidens. "It's the maidens blessing and dance. Lourdes will lead the dance acting as the goddess. Kyla usually does it but seeing she is with child she isn't able too."

"What do mean she is acting as the goddess?" Arthur looked confused.

Merlin answered his question for Viviane. "She is acting as the symbol of the goddess, enticing the gods with dance of maidens. Displaying themselves so the gods will except the goddess and bless with fertility." He gestured to the maidens.

"You mean to entice the men to choose them?" Galahad asked slyly.

Viviane nodded with a grin. "Except Lourdes, she doesn't partake in the fires."

That caught everyone's attention. "Really?" Guinevere asked.

Viviane nodded taking a drink of her wine. "Yes, she and Kyla both never took part in the fires, they celebrated and took their place in the rituals and is all."

Lancelot found that information intriguing. He looked out as he saw her take a stop in between the two fires as silence filled the air. Avalon priests sat off to the side playing drums and pipes. The Maidens on a huge circle around the two large fires. As Lourdes' body began to move with the music. The knights watched as the maidens danced as well in a circle around the fires. Lourdes had her eyes closed as her limbs flowed to the music in an erotic fashion her skirt slipped back as her right leg came out bare sleek as she danced.

Lancelot couldn't move his eyes off her, which was probably the point it seemed no man could take their eyes off the women as they danced. Her body gyrated softly and her eyes met his. Like she could feel him watching her and she wore a cocky grin throwing her head back staring back at him. Showing the challenge in her eyes. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she raised her hands and the fires rose higher, surprising everyone. Her hand whirled around her head lightly and a strong wind picked up and Viviane smiled at her as well as Kyla.

"It's so openly wanton" Gawain stated staring.

"Nothing wrong with women expressing their sensuality." Dagonet clapped his shoulder.

"Indeed" Lancelot whispered to himself with a cunning grin as he watched Lourdes. As her head tossed around lightly as she turned around her sun colored hair flowing over her shoulders freely as she glanced at all the men surrounding the fires.

"First time Avalon powers have been shown" Guinevere said smiling excitedly.

"We don't to use them to prove we have them" Kyla smiled at her.

She whipped back around as the tempo picked up slightly and her body flowed to the music. Lancelot like any other man surprised at such open taunting and lustful gestures of her hips. Women were not known for expressing their sexuality, Avalon was the power of women. Then there was nothing but drums as all the maidens began to gyrate with lustful leers at the men. It stirred every man in the crowd. His eyes still never left Lourdes and he knew she could feel his stare. She glanced at him again a defiant sneer as the music ended and she stopped dancing shaking her head lightly as more music started and people started crowding the fires.

Lourdes made her way up to the table taking her seat next to Viviane taking a long gulp of wine. The crowds began dancing and celebrating. She sat talking with Gawain and Galahad who had her in a deep discussion learning more of what the rituals were about. Merlin discussing some issues with Arthur with interjected comments from Viviane. There had been mock battles set up for those who were not partaking in the rites of the fires. They were soon to start as Kyla came over to speak with Lourdes.

"I am surprised Lourdes, you not partaking in the battlements." Kyla taunted her.

Lourdes looked up at her with a small smirk. "I don't see the need of such barbarism at Beltane."

Arthur smiled at her "It is for amusement Lourdes. Not everyone will be in the woods" He chuckled lightly.

"Most though" She chuckled into her wine glass.

"I would love to see her fight." Bors taunted her glancing at her.

Lourdes rolled her eyes lightly "Will you for us, Guinevere is taking part in the games" Gawain pleaded gently.

"Who shall I be matched with?" She quirked her eyebrow at Arthur curiously.

"Well must make it worth your while if you join…" He turned and Lancelot met his gaze.

"I'll be her match" Lancelot cocked his head lightly with an impish grin.

Lourdes snapped her head around as did everyone as Arthur stared at him. Lourdes eyed him before letting her smirk spread. "I shall accept that match; everyone looked at one another apprehensively. One provision, she held up her finger and the gazes returned to her as Lancelot waited for the term. We use real weapons." She eyed him challengingly.

"Lourdes I mus-"Arthur started but Lancelot chuckled cutting him off.

"As you wish princess" He nodded his head to her his smirk still playing across his lips.

"Lancelot I must protest" Arthur reeled at him displeased.

Lancelot smiled to his friend. "No blood shed my friend, she is a woman" Lancelot prodded deviously at her.

"Please do not go easy on me seeing as I am a woman. You don't on any other lady, I wish to be no exception" She narrowed her eyes as she rose from her chair. Lancelot's eyes narrowed ruefully. "If you will excuse me I will go change and ready for my match"

As she walked away Lancelot called to her" By all means fight in your current dress, it should be….interesting" Lourdes halted her steps for a second before continuing.

It was nearly an hour before she reappeared as her and Lancelot's match was next. Lancelot took his swords from Tristan who went down to get him ready. He has taken off the leather vest he usually wore and was in his pants and a long-sleeved shirt as to what they wore under their armor. He turned twisting his swords in her hands as he caught sight of her. She wore leather pants as well they laced over her hips showing the skin beneath and a simple top that began a few inches below her bust a simple curved neckline and it laced up the front the long sleeves covering the markings she wore earlier. Her hair twisted up into a sloppy knot on the back her head. Draped in black colors again. Lancelot nodded his head grinning. "You actually came"

She smiled as Kyla brought her her Sais giving her a panicked look. Lourdes eyed her amused "Fear not his chivalry is his weakness" Lourdes nodded confidently. The weapons were covered in blue paint to show as the wounds since it was a no blood match.

Jols stood to the side of the two as they eyed one another excitedly. "The rule is first person to inflict a mortal wound takes the victory. They nodded eyeing one another. The occupants of the table watching eyes wide in apprehension.

Lourdes and Lancelot held one another's gaze as they slowly circled one another small smirks on their lips. Lancelot nodded chuckling lightly looking at his sword before lunging with it at her. She brought her Sais up blocking his sword and punching him with the other hand clutching her other Sais. Lancelot stumble slightly looking shocked for only a split second before standing up straight smiling at her. He shook his head impressed. "We going to be that way?" He cocked an eyebrow.

She sneered tilting her head "I told you no chivalry in battle Lancelot"

He raised his eyebrows agreeing with a shake of his head "Dually noted" He lunged again and as she went to block he made a slash across her ribs leaving a blue mark. She looked down stepping back her eyes narrowing. Lancelot just smiled at her. She ran for him bringing her Sais up at him. He raised his swords catching them and she kneed him in the ribs knocking the wind out of him. He hunched slightly gaining his breath as she twisted around to bring her Sais down on his chest. He twisted her arm up wrenching her shoulder as she dodged the blade in his free arm with her Sais then head butted backwards. She heard his nose crack. He let her go putting a hand to his nose and seeing the blood.

"I believe that's blood" She scrunched her nose sarcastically as Lancelot eyed her still smiling.

"True, yet I still don't have a real wound. Can you not fight men?" He coaxed her. Lourdes flared lunging for him as he rose to block her again. He chuckled making her angrier "Temper, Temper" He shook his head clucking his tongue. She wrenched away from him. She threw one arm up at him, as he blocked it she turned and made a slash across his shoulder and collarbone leaving a blue streak. She smiled as Lancelot looked at it then back to her. "That all you got" he snarled playfully.

She growled as she ran at him both throwing up her Sais at him as they raced to block one another as he backed up on her advance. He twisted slashing a blue mark across her back. Lourdes took a deep angry breath. As she spun around to catch him in the abdomen Lancelot came up and punched her. She was startled as her hand came to her lip tasting the coppery blood in her mouth. She saw it on her hand.

She saw Arthur rise suddenly along with the others. Viviane and Kyla bid them to sit down. Lancelot gestured to her lip with his sword as he took deep breaths. "I believe that's blood" He cocked his head. He ran for her and she spun slashing across his ribs not matching hers. Her other hand coming up as she purposely cut across his upper arm.

Lancelot stopped looking at the slash and his bleeding arm. "My mistake" She smirked evilly at him. Lancelot took a serious face as his jaw clenched as they ran for each other pounding their weapons blocking and lunging gritted teeth growls and yells as they tried to get to the other. Lourdes' rage increasing with every lunge as throw. Lancelot caught her thigh and she flinched as she looked where she now bled. Her breathing increased furiously as she charged him bringing her arms up to his swords twisting her Sais so they caught his hands and they sliced slightly into the flesh and on instinct the dropped the swords." I loathe you" She spat before she kicked his legs out form underneath him and he fell shocked at her sudden speed. She threw her Sais down picking up his swords as he kneeled and she snarled as she crossed them holding them to his throat. Her breath in furious pants her face snarled as she eyed him with a vile look.

The occupants of the table stood quickly. " LOURDES!" Arthur called to her shocked and agitated. Lancelot held out his hand to his friend as his gaze met hers head on. He held a serious calm gaze as he watched her. The blades of his own swords pressed to his throat. His gaze turned stony, "Do it" he snarled in a whisper tauntingly. Lourdes stared at him her gaze unmoving. "Come on Lourdes, you have wanted to for years, he prodded her contemptuously. What are you waiting for?" He watched as her jaw tightened the blade cutting slightly into his skin as her body shook in tension, her hands tensing around the handles of his swords. She closed her eyes breathing heavily through her nose and her hands flew open stiffly and let the swords fall. He looked at him a fiery rage in the green depths of her eyes. She turned and walked brusquely away.

Lancelot stood quickly his hand moving to his neck that stung from the slight cut he had. He took after her quickly his stride determined as he reached her. "Lourdes!" He grabbed her arm forcefully as he spun her around though she caught his jaw with a heavy stern right hook. Lancelot's body flew to the ground at the sheer force behind it. He looked up to her putting his hand to his jaw checking it and adjusting if needed. His dark stare met hers.

"Stay away from me" Her tone was menacingly and distraught. She turned and quickly finished her walk to the fort. Lancelot intense stare never left her the entire way.


	22. Chapter 21

Authors Note: Okay ladies, she isn't wacko I promise you and yes there is a bunch of stuff fixing to go down. This story is being split in two though I am thinking. So this one will end and then I will write the Sequel or else I'll have like a 75 chapter story….Some stuff coming around the corner to throw you for a loop maybe LOL. But anyway enjoy…..Go on…. Go read…..

Tension lingered across the fort now for a week since Beltane. Nobody really spoke of what happened. Arthur was distressed as more word came in of rebel attacks starting with the stress of his sister and his best friend. Lourdes hadn't come out of her room barely at all. When she did she was cold and rigid and nobody dared say a word to her with the stony glare she wore. Lancelot walked around with angry despair snapping way too easily at people.

A little over a week had passed when Merlin road in with one of his scouts. Arthur summoned his knights to the meeting Merlin had come for. At the Merlin's and Viviane's request Guinevere, Kyla, and Lourdes were bid to appear as well.

Kyla walked to Lourdes' room. She walked right in to see Lourdes leaning at the window frame staring out over the fort.

"Merlin is here he calls for a meeting and wishes for our attendance" Kyla said softly Lourdes held her stance turning her head slightly towards her friend. After a second she leaned up to follow Kyla out without a word. They made their way down the corridors silently. Kyla looked to her friend and slipped her hand into hers. Lourdes snapped her head to look at their hands entwined then to Kyla. Kyla gave her a small warming reassuring smile. Lourdes gave her a slight smile making Kyla smile wider. Kyla squeezed her hand comfortingly as they were about to enter the hall then let it go. They walked in to see everyone already there.

Lourdes glanced at them all her eyes moving quickly to rest on Lancelot. He kept his eyes from her refusing to acknowledge her. Lourdes took a seat next Viviane.

"Merlin please what news do you have?" Arthur nodded now that everyone was seated.

"Rogues are moving closer to the wall. They attacked a village not two days past not to far north of here. They must not reach across the wall and venture south." Merlin looked around the table as apprehensive and angry glances were exchanged. "My men are losing control of the north also rumors of Saxons not far off the shores." Everyone looked quickly to one another with a look of panic. Arthur looked to the table in though, mulling it all over.

"They are calling to discuss matters and settle things. They will not speak with you though." Viviane interjected as uneasiness settled into the room.

Arthur looked up confused shaking his head lightly. " What can be settled if they will not speak with me?"

Viviane sighed with a slight nod. "Our concern right now if word is true of Saxons coming to our shores again, that we make what peace we can with them."

"We must not have them treaty with the Saxons against you Arthur." The Merlin looked to him.

Arthur sighed his brow furrowed in concentration. "Who do they wish to speak with?"

"The rebels trust only their own blood. Guinevere and Lourdes are High Priestess and Queen. They will listen to authority they respect." Viviane replied looking at the two women who listened intently sharing a small glance to one another.

Arthur shook his head lightly as did the knights. "I will not put my loved ones in danger"

"We have no alternative," Guinevere sighed putting her hand on his arm reassuringly. Arthur turned to look at her.

"They are right Arthur. We cannot afford to have enemy's banning together. We just received our peace let us enjoy it still. I will go." Lourdes gave a sympathetic glance to her brother.

Arthur glanced between the two women then looked to his knights. "I don't like it," Bors shook his head before turning his gaze to the table as he leaned on it.

"I can go as well," Kyla chimed in.

"No!" Tristan replied with a shake of his head determinedly. Kyla looked at him as everyone joined his stern look.

"Kyla you must think of your child," Viviane smiled at her patting her hand.

"It is better if you stayed," Guinevere said reassuringly. Kyla sighed nodding in understanding as Tristan laced his fingers with hers squeezing it gently.

Arthur shut his eyes holding Guinevere's hand. "What if we road out to them?" Dagonet asked desperately. A hopeful look in his eye as he nodded to his fellow knights.

Merlin shook his head sadly. "They do not trust you either, from your years of service to Rome and your loyalty to Arthur."

"Do they think his sister and wife have no loyalty to him," Lancelot asked snidely angry at the situation they were now facing.

"It's not their loyalty to him, but their loyalty to this land they trust. Having fought along side some of the rogues before this all started. We have to have peace in Briton." Viviane finished sternly. The knights and Arthur all held anxious concerned looks as they though over what had to be done.

"We are warriors, we will be fine." Lourdes smiled to her brother as she rose and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Arthur pressed his hand over hers looking up to her. She then turned her gaze to Guinevere. "Prepare, we leave at first light. I will tell some of the Ravens they are to accompany us." Guinevere met her gaze and nodded with a small twitch of a grin. Lourdes turned and left the room. Everyone dispersing, the knights first, not happy about the women leaving to deal with these matters on their own.

The next morning uneasiness was high as Lourdes mounted her horse as the knights came in to see them off. Kyla, Merlin, and Viviane in tow, the Ravens Lourdes had gathered outside the stables mounted and ready. Out of their gowns, both women and warriors in their fighting attire weapons strapped on. The two women wore straight faces trying to show no concern to help ease their friends disquiet. Kyla came over to Lourdes' horse as Guinevere spoke with Merlin. She wore a cold stony face Kyla saw the concern in her eyes though.

"Be safe sister," Kyla gripped her hand tightly. Lourdes squeezed his back with a forced smile trying to show no worry.

"Take care of my niece or nephew," She nodded to her quietly. Tristan came up at her side placing his hand over their intertwined ones. He too gave her a smile to ease her Lourdes placed her other hand over theirs.

Arthur walked up as they left a sad look in his eye. "You must not fear. We are trained for this." She shared a loving gaze with him. "Father would not have feared." Arthur patted her leg bidding her off the horse and hugged her lightly. She let him go and with a kiss to her cheek he made his way to Guinevere. Viviane came over kissed her cheek resting her hand on the other, needing no words.

"Lourdes!" They heard someone call out. The occupants of the barn turned and saw Lucan running in. He ran up to her as Lourdes looked at him surprised. "Lady Lourdes," He said as he reached her slightly out of breath. He put something in her hand. She looked at it confused. "It was my mothers. She said as long as I wore it I would be safe. It was her love; her love would always protect me. I give it to you now. Wear it our love will protect you." Lourdes smiled widely, touched at the gesture. She looked at him and fought back tears. As the occupants of the barn looked at one another with sympathetic, sad gazes.

She crouched down to his level and kissed his cheek running her hand over the other. She and Lucan had become close. Like a surrogate mother to him. It was not easy for her. "Would you put it on for me?" She asked holding it out to him. He nodded taking it and she bowed her head for him to put it on her. She looked at it holding the trinket in her fingers before looking back at him. "When I return I will give you that riding lesson alright?" He smiled softly at her nodding and Lourdes couldn't help but return the smile and hugged him tight then he made his way over to Dagonet. He nodded to her gently with a warm look. She grabbed her horse and remounted it looking at Guinevere do the same as Arthur stood by her horse's side. She felt a warm hand slip over hers on her reigns. She turned her head to see Lancelot. She eyed him intensely her jaw tightened. His eyes full of nervousness and worry.

"Return quickly and in good health," His thumb rubbed over her hand as a relaxing gesture.

She held his gaze before pulling her hand away. "I am none of _your_ concern." She turned her head away from him before he grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"You will always be a concern, no matter what you think of me." He shook his head lightly. "I will always consider you a friend." Lourdes looked at him astounded by the comment. She jerked her reigns on her horse and turned him taking her gaze away form him. She looked to Guinevere who nodded.

"You are a few days ride, they set the gathering location. Stay in open land, deter form the woods if possible." The women nodded then Lourdes jerked her horse starting for the barn entrance.

"Ravens!" She called out as she rode out. Guinevere glanced at them all again before she to jerked her horse around and followed Lourdes and the Ravens.

They all walked out towards the wall to watch them ride out. Lucan running ahead of everyone else racing up the stairs. Jols was waving the flag to open the gate as Dagonet came up the stairs with everyone and placed a hand comfortingly on Lucan's shoulder. They all watched till the riders were lost over the distant hill.

Stress did not ease at the fort over the coming days, waiting for any word about or from Lourdes and Guinevere. Tristan did his best to keep Kyla calm and relaxed as she didn't work herself into bed rest. Four days had passed and Merlin waited for word from any of his scouts in the North. None came. They should have arrived two days prior and sent word of their arrival. Anxiousness rose as everyone's minds tried to ease with simple mundane tasks. It was evening on the fourth day that they heard Jols screaming to open the gate. Arthur and the knights ran quickly out to the gate and were met as one of the raven warriors rode in. She was dirty and bloody not a good sign at all.

"Simara," Viviane asked quickly walking towards her. She dismounted with Gawain's help. She was out of breath and tired. She shook her head in despair. "They surprised us a half days journey from the meeting point. Lourdes and Guinevere had me lag behind just in case. The Rogues ambushed them. There was to many-"She stopped for breath. As they all listening wide eyed. "They took Guinevere and Lourdes. They fought so hard," Simara's chin trembled

"Took them?" Arthur grasped her arm urgently for the remaining information. Gawain still letting her lean on him for support, as she had a wound on her leg.

"It was trickery; the Saxons have already come ashore. They have treaties with them. I followed them to a Saxon camp. It was just a small one. I don't believe the army has arrived yet just the king." She looked up at Arthur and the others. "They have banned against Arthur. Saxons have promised the Rogues the North Country if they help them claim victory over Arthur. That's why they called for a meeting." The knights and others looked panicked and confused.

"Why?" Viviane urged her.

Simara looked up stricken horror written in her eyes. "To lure out Lourdes and Guinevere…."Her voice was low. She grabbed Arthur's arm desperately. "They gave Lourdes and Guinevere to the Saxons" Color drained form all their faces as Kyla gasped, bringing her hand to cover her mouth. Lancelot's jaw clenched as she shook his head, a raw rage rising in the knights.

"They gave them as part of the bargain, to have ransom over you. I barely rode out alive, a few Saxon scouts saw me as I rode to get back to you." Arthur swallowed her as his emotions ran wild.

"You say the main Saxon army has not come to land yet?" Merlin asked.

Simara shook her head agreeing "No, it was just a small legion."

"If you take the woads, Ravens, and your army," Viviane said as Merlin nodded.

"We can clear them all out before the main army arrives," Dagonet ended understanding their thinking, as Bors paces next him with a disturbing look across his face.

"Get Guinevere and Lourdes back here and surprise the army when it arrives," Tristan added, with a comforting arm around Kyla who was holding back tears.

Arthur nodded and looked to Jols, Viviane, and Merlin. "Ready every warrior we have, tell them we ride at sunrise." His voice strict but wavered. They nodded and took off. "They have had them for three days; I want them out of there as soon as possible." The knights all took off quickly to go prepare as Arthur shook his head with a snarl.


	23. Chapter 22

Guinevere squeezed Lourdes' hand in hers comfortingly as they sat on the ground back to back their hands bound behind them. Their eyes surveyed the army of savages around them. The Saxons jostled around the tents and fires of the camp. The two women trying to keep abreast of what was going on. They kept straight faces not speaking to draw attention to themselves. The Saxon king sat not far away with his second in command talking watching the flames of the fire. Lourdes' returned Guinevere's squeeze as the second in command got up eyeing the two of them and heading their way. They both raised their chins defiantly unmoving their gazes form his.

"Which one of you is the king's wife?" He asked looking down at them his hand grasping his sword at his side. They looked at him not answering. He smiled before backhanding Lourdes suddenly.

Guinevere gasped." I am!" She yelled at him looking as Lourdes brought her head up her eyes narrowed at the Saxon.

The Saxon eyed her as he walked over to her crouching in front of her, taking her chin in his hand looking her over before Guinevere's jaw tightened and she jerked it away from him grasp.

"Pretty little things aren't they" His eyes wandered over to Lourdes, as the Saxon king chuckled behind him. The two girls just eyed him disgusted. Lourdes glared at him before moving to look at the ground in front of him and her eyes gazed intensely before it suddenly had a large burst of flames straight in front of him knocking him on his back as he looked shocked as the fire disappeared just as quickly as it mysteriously appeared. The men that were near by and the Saxon king stared wide eyed.

"Which one of you did that?" The King asked slowly as he rose to stand and walked towards them. He eyed the two of them as they still refused to answer.

The man on the ground looked to Lourdes. "She did it, the other one" He pointed towards Lourdes a fearful look in his eyes as they landed on her. Lourdes raised her head slightly a menacing look crossed her face.

The King eyed her with a curious gaze." I heard a rumor his sister was a witch" He spoke softly mostly to himself. He grabbed her bound arm jerking her as Lourdes jerked back and he grasped her arm tighter and ripped the sleeve of her top and her Avalon mark rested on her shoulder.

"She is one of those…" The second in command whispered as Lourdes snarled glaring at the King. "She is a sorceress, she has powers" He continued softly.

Lourdes jerked at his grasp. "I am a priestess of Avalon" She corrected indigently.

"Avalon…" A Saxon form the crowd stepped foreword. " I have heard of that place…..the isle of fays…no man returns with their sanity of those that have ventured there unwelcome…if they returned at all"

The King eyed his solider then looked to Lourdes." She could come to be very useful" His eyes roamed her. "Her offspring could lace power into our blood that others don't have" Lourdes' eyes narrowed at him before she spit right in his face.

The king smiled at her ruefully and jerked her arm to bring her up to stand but Lourdes fought him snarling with a growl. Guinevere yelled kicking her legs at the King before she was dragged away from the struggling King and Lourdes. Guinevere hauled herself foreward before she was pushed down as the kings aid pushed her down and kicked her over. Guinevere kicked her legs up catching him in the gut. The second in command looked at her angrily as he pushed himself up as she staggered up to get to Lourdes. "Leave her alone!" Guinevere screamed.

The King turned her and with a nod of his head stabbed her in the abdomen. Lourdes' eyes went wide as she looked at Guinevere as she fell to the ground. The blood soaking through her cloths quickly. Lourdes was dragged along as her face drained of color in shock as she watched her sister, her brothers love writhe in pain, and she had been trying to protect her.

"No!" Lourdes yelled suddenly fighting to get to Guinevere.

"Make sure you clean her up" The king called to his aid. "She is ransom we need her alive" He scoffed at Guinevere as the aid went to look at her wound. Lourdes fought violently kicking and screaming till she was lifted off the ground the king wrapping his arm around her waist and hoisting her up quickly hauling her towards his tent.

"You will learn manners and give me power" He whispered huskily in her ear. Lourdes' eyes widened in panic as he made his way into the tent. "NO!" She screamed as she kicked him hard and he dropped her. She made to move quickly away as Guinevere looked at her trying to say something to her to do something. The King grabbed Lourdes by the hair and she yelped growling kicking still as the Saxon King dragged her across the ground roughly towards the tent.

"Stop! NO!" Guinevere gasped a yell at the fearful look in Lourdes' eyes as they caught hers before she was dragged into the tent. Then you heard the smacking as The Saxon king beat her as he unbound her hands to keep her from running, Lourdes' struggle to fight him back. Then the screams filtered through the night air, the pleading screams of agony before they subsided into sobs still strangling to scream. Guinevere's face scrunched painfully as she had to listen now laid up with her wound that was fixed to stop the bleeding. The pain throbbing through her stomach still. She pinched her eyes against tears as they slid out as Lourdes' scream began again.

As the knights rode out the massive army behind them following out the gate to the lands north of the wall. A liquid rage ran through them adrenaline pumping them onward as the women stood on the wall watching. Kyla and Vanora watched as the dust kicked up as the three armies combined rode through the gates. The size of it a quick realization that battle was on them again, far too soon as well. Viviane rode with Arthur and the Knights as the Merlin left the night before to go and scout out the Saxon encampment.

The tense stony faces of the hundreds of warriors as they rode hard not even stopping to camp to get there as soon as possible. The horses pounded underneath them as they tested their strength being pushed to the limits.

They made it in half the time it would have taken in normal circumstances. It was still dark as the knights rode ahead leaving the army back a little ways as to not draw any possible attention. They met Merlin in the road with five of his men.

"We were able to take out their scouts. The Rogues crawl these woods wild though. So we must be careful, we out number them greatly though. I could see the camp in the distance, I was not able to get close enough to search for Guinevere or Lourdes though." Merlin shook his head somberly.

Arthur looked up around the woods." I'll have the men spread out a quick surprise attack being out best chance. Have them clear the woods as they go as quietly as possible." Merlin nodded agreeing. Arthur jerked his horse around and the knights headed back to the army that waited anxiously.


	24. Chapter 23

It was a sweep attack, the nights and the army spread in a circle around the encampment silently taking everyone at out they went through the woods towards the fires of the Saxon camp. Till they covered the camp suddenly killing as many as could quickly.

"Find Guinevere and Lourdes!" Arthur yelled to his knights as they fought a path through the camp.

Gawain and Tristan found Guinevere not far from the camp she was injured, how bad they couldn't tell. Arthur rushed over looking at her. Guinevere looked relieved and pained. "Arthur" Her voice was a whisper. Arthur picked her up in his arms carrying her toward the caravan quickly. Viviane waiting to help the injured and to take care of Guinevere and Lourdes.

Arthur turned a panicked look. "Find my sister!" He yelled at the knights.

The Saxon king's tent was in the middle of the camp and Lancelot and Bors had been going from tent to tent searching. Bors guarded the tent as Lancelot entered. Most Saxons and rogues were dead except for those who ran for cover in the woods and were being picked off by Ravens and Woads. Lancelot entered the tent and looked at the dimly lit space. He couldn't see anything. A slight movement from the far dark corner of the tent caught his attention. He held his swords out and walked slow, cautiously towards the corner squinting to see better. "Lourdes" He asked gently towards the corner.

Lourdes curled into herself the sheet wrapped around her as she pushed herself farther into the corner closing her eyes afraid.

Lancelot approached the corner and as he got closer saw her outline her face hidden under the curtain of her hair as she held a sheet around her. Bruises visible on every patch of skin visible almost. She was curling a ball holding the sheet in her fists that were by her face. As he came closer she backed into the corner more and he could see her shaking in fear….something he had never seen her do ever. He sheathed his swords quickly and leaned in to crouch down his throat constricting in emotion as he looked at this strong vibrant woman he knew cowering like a scared child in the corner. He looked at her and finally realized she was naked under the sheet, and closed his eyes again his jaw tensing knowing what that meant with the bruises over her. The Saxon King had ravaged her, brutally. He reached his hand out. "Lourdes, I am going to take you home, it's Lancelot" He said as gently as possible.

As she saw the figure approach and crouch down she began to panic as his hand reached out to her and she shook her head and a gentle sob wretched from her lungs pushing farther away as far as possible. " No…no" She sobbed gently " Get away!" She yelled at the figure.

Lancelot swallowed hard. To see her like this was unbearable. He didn't even know her; she looked like a hollow shell a ghost of who she was. He reached out moving towards her. "Lourdes, you know me, I am not going to hurt you" He said.

Lourdes began to swing her arms to push him away terrified. " No…don't.. please" She sobbed. "Go away! Please!" She begged crying.

Lancelot grabbed her arms the sheet still covering her barley as she swung wildly. "Lourdes, he called to her firmly. It's Lancelot, Arthur is here as well. We aren't going to hurt you!" He said firmly trying to get her to look at him recognize him.

She brought her head up and looked at him tears running down her cheeks fresh glossing over her eyes. Her eye and cheek were bruised. She had bruises around her wrists and upper arms. Lancelot could so the fingers prints, she had been held down and tied down from the looks of it. Her legs were covered in gashes and bruises as they showed from under the sheet. Across her collarbone, Lancelot bit the inside of his lip in pure rage at what they had done to this beautiful woman he knew. She looked at him and as she did wide-eyed the recognition played across her features and her shoulders sagged in relief as she broke down sobbing and leaned closer to him laying her head on his shoulder.

He took a deep breath wrapping his arms around her tightly closing his eyes against his own emotions welling up in him. The second time he had held her as she cried in a dire situation. He resting his lips on her hair and rocked her slightly. "Shh, it's alright, they won't hurt you now. I swear it. It's alright" He whispered to her comfortingly, to reassure her of her safety now.

Lourdes cried, heart wrenching sobs as she clung to him. She had never been too relieved to see Lancelot in her life. She felt safe finally as his arms enveloped her, her hands gripped his armor pulling herself as close as possible to him. "Oh gods, she cried. She clung to him. Make it stop" She cried into his chest.

Lancelot took a shaky breath against tears that threatened to fall. "Come one, I am taking you home" He said shifting and made sure the sheet was wrapped tight around her and swept her up in his arms and carried her out of the tent.

-+2


	25. Chapter 24

A week had passed since they brought Lourdes and Guinevere back to the fort. Guinevere was healing still since she had a fever when she was found but was doing better. Lourdes after Viviane looked her over and got her settled in her room. Lourdes locked herself in. She hadn't eaten, responded to anyone, or come out or let anyone in for a week now.

Her door opened finally after the week and she stepped out and made her way towards Guinevere's room. It was later at night so the hallways were empty and she stopped at the door looking at it for a moment in contemplation before opening the door. Her eyes scanned the room and saw Guinevere turn towards the door and Arthur sat next to the bed holding her hand and he looked up his eyes widening as well as he stood slowly ."Lourdes" His voice was stunned from seeing her finally.

His sister inhaled deeply then shook her head. "I will talk about it later." She glanced to the floor then back to her brother, her eyes moving to Guinevere then back to her brother. "May I have a little time with her please?"

Arthur looked to Guinevere who smiled gently nodding then back to his sister. "Yes alright, I will leave you two alone." He let go of his wife's hand moving towards the door topping to kiss Lourdes forehead and she flinched from him at him being so close. Arthur pulled back looking at her. Lourdes held her head in shame. Men's sudden movements scared her now. A fear she couldn't get rid of cause of what happened and it pained her. She pursed her lips lightly to stop her tears of shame looking t him sadly.

Arthur seemed to realize as his face relaxed and his shoulders slouched before moving past her and out of the room. Lourdes looked to Guinevere and moved over to take the spot Arthur had vacated a few moments earlier and sat down. Her hand reaching for Guinevere's hesitantly, finally Guinevere looked at her gently and took Lourdes' hand in hers. Lourdes' chin began to quiver.

It was to much, this woman she had been horrible to, had stood up for her, fought for her, and tried to protect her. In turn she ended up with this injury. Viviane had told her after finding her. Guinevere would never have children between the fever and the wound where it had been inflicted damaged her, she could not conceive or carry a child to term. No heir to her brother's kingdom and it was all her fault. This beautiful forgiving vibrant woman had never done anything to her but be a light threat to something she had always denied.

She looked to her sister in law and broke down in sobs leaning her head down to press it to the back of Guinevere's hand. "I am so sorry. It's my fault. I am so sorry"

Guinevere shook her head placing her other hand on Lourdes hair running her hand over it trying to calm him her "Shh, it is not your fault. Lourdes nobody blames you, there is no need to you are not to blame for any of this." Her voice was gentle and slightly strained from seeing her husband's sister like this.

"I did, Lourdes shuddered a deep breath. I had no right to treat you as I did. I didn't…I am so sorry" Lourdes sobbed and kissed he back of Guinevere's hand.

Guinevere ran his hand over Lourdes' cheek. "Why do you resent me so? Is it really because of Arthur?" She asked looking down at the woman sobbing into her hand.

Lourdes stopped sniffling lightly, and slowly raised her head to look at her sister through water soaked eyes. Then Guinevere knew it was not Arthur. "What is it Lourdes, talk to me. Tell me of this demon that has turned you so cold and bitter" Guinevere pleaded softly with sympathetic warm eyes.

Lourdes took in a deep shuddery breath before fresh tear sprang to her eyes afraid to tell her, but she owed it to her after all this. But to speak it gives it such power, she pinched her eyes closed in turmoil. "Please Lourdes, let me help you, do something for you if even only an open ear to listen too"

Lourdes looked down at Guinevere's hand rubbing her fingers over it and licked her lips nervously. She took a deep breath unable to meet Guinevere's eyes. There was no going back once she said it she acknowledged it…all her hard would be blown. She felt Guinevere's hand squeeze hers reassuringly. She closed her eyes pulling strength from her and looked up at her tearfully. "I love him"

Guinevere's brow furrowed as she heard Lourdes gentle admission. "Arthur, of coarse you do"

Lourdes began to shake her head lightly. "I'm not speaking of Arthur." Lourdes looked at her. "L-, she swallowed hard getting up the nerve to say his name as painful as it was. Lancelot. From the moment I saw him." Her voice finally spoke in a hoarse whisper.

Guinevere her eyes going wide slightly and she sat up in bed propping herself up against the pillows as the full blunt of what she said hit her. "Lancelot….cause he road to save me on that battlefield." She looked at Lourdes and her sister's gaze fell to the bed.

"He loves you, Guinevere" Lourdes said inhaling to steady herself. "I have been fighting and hiding all this for 16 years, sixteen" Lourdes brow furrowed. "That's a longtime. I have worked very hard to build this wall against him."

"But why?" Guinevere asked flabbergasted by the revelation and the need of an explanation, as her brow furrowed. Lourdes sighed heavily. "Because he is the unattainable, the man you can't have. He is a womanizer, he respects no woman, and it loyal to know woman. Plus I am Arthur's sister. He would laugh in my face. I don't want his flirtatious manner directed at him, or his friendship, it would only make it harder." Lourdes' chin quivered slightly. "If I make him hate me, then maybe I can hate him return, make the pain stop, the images of him leave and the sounds of his voice fade away." Lourdes met her gaze and for once it wasn't cold, bitter, or hard. It was sad and tortured. Her mind, body and soul had been ravaged by this for years and it overwhelmed Guinevere she leaned over wrapping her arms around the women beside her as Lourdes just sobbed. "Enduring seeing him everyday has broken me more and more. I can't deal with it, wishing for death. Then he will never know and I will never need worry." She whispered tearfully into Guinevere's chest.

"By the Gods Lourdes, Guinevere kissed her hair. You can't deal with this alone. It has consumed you. It's ripping your very soul apart. Lourdes, that's why you left Arthur for Avalon isn't it, to be away from Lancelot?" She asked softly.

Lourdes' head nodded. "Yes, cause then once he left I could be with Arthur again, once her and the others knights left for home, I would be by Arthur's side again. Then the Saxon battle happened and they stayed. I wished for death so hard that day, because I threw myself in front of that arrow to save him, he would have died and I couldn't bare it." Lourdes arms went around Guinevere's waist hugging her gently to not aggravate her wound.

"Shhh, it's alright. I am here for you. Shh, it will be alright." Guinevere brushed away a few hairs from her face.

Lourdes pulled back looking at her firmly panicked. "You can't breathe a word of this, please, promise me Guinevere." Lourdes gripped her arms desperately. 'Swear Guinevere, you have to, you can't." Lourdes shook her head frantically.

"Lourdes, it's alright, Guinevere pressed her hand to her cheek wiping away tears. I promise, never will I utter a word to anyone." She said reassuringly. Lourdes let out a relieved breathe nodding her head before Guinevere pulled her back into her embrace laying her cheek on her head. She couldn't begin to imagine the hell she had been through all these years with this. She married Arthur, her true love. His sister had remarkable strength to hold on this long and fight like this. To endure the pain of loving someone like this and not telling a soul or showing it in years.


	26. Chapter 25

Lourdes some hours later exited the room pulling the door shut behind her with a sigh she looked up to see Lancelot exit his room and her grip tightened on the door handle as he turned to see her there.

"Lourdes?" He asked his face lighting up to see her there, see her up and about again. It gave him a wave of relief. He advanced towards her, but Lourdes quickly pressed herself back against the wall stiffening afraid, her grip going white in its hold on the door still.

Lancelot stopped in his tracks his face falling sadly looking at her. The woman he had known her strength, pride, and self worth bruised and battered. He sighed looking to the floor with a sarcastic sad chuckle. She feared him, she feared them all, men she had known her whole life, she feared. It hurt; he looked back up to her.

"I would never hurt you Lourdes." He said gently shaking his head.

Lourdes gave a sad smile her frustration at her fears showing in the lines on her face." That knowledge does not stop the reaction." She said in a slow strained voice. She lowered her head a gestured Lourdes never did. She never showed defeat and she turned walking away leaving him there in the hall.

Lancelot watched angry and saddened by her reaction. To see the beautiful vibrant, mind numbing stubborn woman, she used to be. Even if she hated him. So see Arthur's sister nothing but a crumbled shell disturbed him. He sighed wanting to go after her but didn't, not knowing what to say, if anything possible to try and ease her at all. He headed to see Guinevere entering the room lightly knocking he saw Guinevere staring off out the window before turning to see him and the odd look she wore worried him. He advanced to her quickly her brow creased slightly.

"Are you alright? Whats wrong?" He asked taking her hand gently. Guinevere looked at him almost searching him like she had never seen him before.

"Do you love me?" She whispered in a even tone a serious one.

Lancelot's head reared back lightly. "As a friend, as family, yes." He replied gently. " Nothing more though. Why would you ask me such a question, I have never treated you as a lover" He questioned lightly.

"There are those who are under the impression you do feel for me like that. I wanted it clarified." Guinevere said simply, sternly squeezing his hand lightly. She left no more room for the discussion even though Lancelot opened his mouth to reaply she cut him off though. " Lourdes," She said gently. " She needs a friend, a man. She needs to beat this along with many other things. Please Lancelot, you found her, rescued her. She almost died saveing you. She needs you" Guineveres eyes met his in an almost deadly serious gaze.

Lancelot's brow furrowed deeply, she was acting so odd, and these things she said. He shook his head lightly. "What are you talking about Gwen? Lourdes despises me, the last thing she needs in her state is me around pressing her-"

"That's exactly what she needs right now. Please have faith in me. In all these years you never gave up on her please don't now. Dig, mend, and bend, deep inside her. Break her down. For all of our sakes. You're the only man here with the strength to deal with her. Even if you don't like her." The Queen sighed looking to the bed. "You can be her savior, she is finally opening up to me, and all I can tell you is trust my instincts. She needs you" Her gaze returned to his.

The knight's bewilderment was more then apparent as his eyes narrowed scrutinizing the queen, to try and decipher and understand. She knew something, she knew many things, and she wasn't sharing but sending cryptic messages. "What are you talking about Gwen?" He pressed her more squeezing her hand gently.

"Trust me" Was all she said in reply looking at him trying to impress the importance of her words on him." Please" She added in a pleading tone. Lancelot just nodded lightly. Not understanding her, knowing she knew things, she wasn't talking though. Knowing she was trying to tell him something but she couldn't. He sighed and nodded kissing the back of her hand. "You know I will do whatever you ask Gwen. Anything to help Lourdes as well, no matter her feelings on me she has always been a friend in my book" He reassured her gently smiling lightly and kissed her forehead before leaving the room to let her rest.


	27. Chapter 26

Lourdes closed her eyes feeling her sais in her hands gripping them and loosening her hold rhythmically. As she attacked the stick in the yard with growls and grunts. She charged on and on fighting, the eyes of the Saxons flashing in front of her eyes. Trying to fight them out of her, this hold they held on her. To fight the demons from her to be who she was again closing her eyes till instead of wood her sais hit metal and her eyes flew open.

_Lancelot._

He stood there his swords out and held up blocking her hit and her eyes met his as her chest heaved with heavy breathes from her workout.

"Should nerver spar alone it's like drinking alone. It's bad for moral" He said as they held their position.

Lourdes swallowed looking at him. "Saving me spares little for you in my eyes. Your bravery is not what causes you such shame in my eyes. I still hold nothing for you." She spoke coldly pushing away from him gripping her sais before lunging at him, and Lancelot's eyes wounded as he blocked her attack and her words.

"Tell me then Lourdes what does your cold heart spare. For you hold feeling for everyone here but me. Have I not earned any respect from you yet? Even when I delivered you from the hell of being savagely beaten and raped by Saxons." He growled spinning but Lourdes spun the other way blocking him. Her eyes narrowed evilly as she felt a surge, the adrenaline of who she was, without the shadow of what had happened but her old façade for Lancelot.

"You are a foolish womanizer, who will die alone and limp..I pray at least" She snapped before a growl emanated and she slashed at him narrowly missing him.

His brow furrowed lurching out of her way. Wondering what Guinevere spoke of, he had saved her always been there with warmth and yet she still hated him. "What have I ever done to you? Tell me so I can make it right. I will" He said as he blocked her onslaught.

"You can't, never. You will never understand. NEVER!" She yelled till Lancelot surprised her in her rage wrenching the sais from her hands and kicked her legs out crossing the blades as she had done to him at Beltane. His eyes bore into hers, searching her but that ice cold wall only stood there.

Her head raised exposing her throat to him. "Go ahead," She coaxed defiantly. "Go on do it. Be rid of me, I have begged for death for years. It would be fitting" Her tone full of malice and contempt.

Lancelot shook his head and pulled the blades away offering his hand to her to help her. Lourdes swallowed her face tenseing before she spit on his hand angrily, as tears filled her eyes. She was far to emotional for her own good now a days. " I don't need your help if you can't even do the one thing I ask." Her face was a mask of some odd rage as she glared up at him. Willing the one man to ever claim her heart and ultimately ruin her to end her just as he had claimed her all those years ago without knowing.

Lancelot looked at her clenching his fist, at the infuriating stubborn woman wipeing it on his pants. "You claim my reputation as your security blanket for your hate, yet isn't your hate just as bad as my reputation, when it is so reckless towards me. I surrender….I will not fight you anymore Lourdes…" He said and threw his swords down infront of her and turned walking away the tears filling her eyes still on her knees looking to the ground as her chin quivered looking to his swords grasping them and pulling them clutching them to her as she let the tears silently slide down her face. Kyla had seen the exchange and rushed over kneeling next to her friend.

"Lourdes?" Kyla wrapped an arm around her pulling her head to rest against her shoulder looking up but Lancelot was gone. The agony washed through Lourdes as she gripped her friend.

"Please make it end already. I don't want to suffer anymore. I have done my duties. I want to go home to Avalon, or far away any where as long as it is far from him." Lourdes sobbed gently into Kylas shoulder. The first signs of opening up in years admitting her problems were with Lancelot. Kyla watched as she seemed to compose herself though, watched the transition with fascination watching Lourdes change to cold hearted bitch with the blink of an eye. Lourdes' eyes met her friends.

"Lourdes, please open up to me. To him, anyone." Kyla pleaded gently. Arthurs sisters eyes slid closed and she shook her head.

"Never" She whispered firmly getting up and leaving in the opposite directions Lancelot had. Kyla stared after her in shock; her friend was dying, becoming this cold hateful, evil being to protect herself. She looked towards the way Lancelot had left. He tried to be her friend, despite everything. Would there ever be a common ground for them to meet without compromising their pride.

Lancelot punched the wall frustrated. Feeling the cracking in his hand and growled out a painful groan looking at his hand. The woman was infuriating, what was Gwen talking about; Lourdes despised him, and always would despite his efforts to fix things with them. She would have nothing to do with him, her rage and shame fueled her even more now after the Saxon incident. She truly felt like there was nothing left to lose now. She wanted to be gone from this world. Alls he had been through Lancelot didn't blame her. He knew better though, he knew her strength and defiance. She would never lose a battle not even this demonic war she had waged ion herself over whatever had turned her so bitter and hateful.

He foot kicked the dirt. He promised Gwen not to give up, he promised himself not to give up when he saw her looking that way, huddled in the corner battered, bruised and broken. He swore never to see her that way again. What seeded the hate so deep in her for him? He didn't understand it, he didn't think he ever would. She resented him for over a decade. He was determined to find out, one way or another someday, he cared about her, wanted to clear his name with her, it had become a pertinent agenda a long time ago to do so.

"You won't win this one luv" He muttered darkly to himself before moving towards his quarters, he needed ale and a willing woman to take his frustrations out on.


	28. Chapter 27

Time passed slowly at the fort, tensions seemed to mount Lourdes had become more tense and introverted. She spoke little; her smiles had faded into memory. She grew worse much to her brothers, Vivianes, and Kylas dismay. She seemed to speak only to Guinevere; oddly enough they seemed to have grown close. Which seemed odd to all, but then they had been through something very traumatic together. Kyla seemed saddened by it though. Her closeness to Lourdes seemed to have been slipping away since her marriage to Tristan.

Lourdes slipped more into her hell; those close to her began to wonder if she would ever be able to get out again. Arthur became stressed from the obvious discontent between her and Lancelot ore so then in all their years of arguments. But the buzz seemed to only full under the tension of Kylas impending delivery. Her due date was any day, and Tristan had taken to becoming a permanent fixture on her side. She wanted Lourdes and even though Lourdes was there she wasn't just the same even though she tried to fool everyone.

It was dinner they all sat chatting and eating at the roundtable. Kyla dropped her glass by the sudden pain shooting through her back and she whimpered. All eyes fixated on her.

"Kyla hunny?" Tristan asked leaning closer to her as everyone waited anxiously.

She looked to Tristan with wide eyes." I think it's time" She strained out as she felt her water break. Tristan nodded as Viviane, Guinevere, and Lourdes all got up quickly leaving the room following as Tristan cradled Kyla carrying her to their room and she groaned as another pain ripped through her. The three women carried in herbs, hot water, and clothes.

Viviane grabbed Tristan and ushered him out of the room in a flurry into the hands of his friends who had scattered into the hall already and shut the door.

Bors let out a chuckle" Come my friend lets have a drink in your honor your about to be a father a day I never thought I would see." Bors clapped his shoulder as all the knights agreed and drug him to the roundtable as Tristan wanted to stay by the room.

"Babies take hours don't worry." Bors chuckled.

It did takes hours and agonizing screams later before the women emerged well Guinevere and Viviane did. Lourdes did not and they cleaned there hands as they entered the roundtable. The knights all stood and they moved as Lourdes entered with a beaming smile cradleing the infant in her arms. A genuine smile the first in a longtime and the infant gurgled inbher arms and all the knights surrounded her to look at Tristan came foreward in aw with Guinever and Viviane beaming next to Lourdes.

"Say hello to your daughter Kieran Tristan" Lourdes grinned handing the baby over into his arms and Tristan smiled his eyes wider as he gazed at the infant, the truest thing he had ever done. This little bit of life that his love for Kyla had created.

He looked up to Lourdes and the other two women." Kyla? Is she alright?"

Viviane nodded with a smile. " Vanora is with her she is resting. You can see her if you want." Tristan nodded and headed out of the room towards their room.

"Alright to the tavern a reason to celebrate and drink RUS!!!!" Bors yelled heading from the room. Everyone chuckled Lourdes lagged behind to stay in the roundtable room though. She saw the reality tonight of what she would never have, to give the man she loved a child, to be in a happy marriage and watch his eyes light up as he held his first born. Watching the love glow from him. She closed her eyes sighing deeply willing her emotions in check. Now as not the time never would there be a time she could be free of the burdens. Except in death, she stood up making her way to her room. She finally thought of something, to write letters to all she loved and in an event of her death they would all know their answers and understand, but only once she was at peace in her death.

Tristan entered the room quietly with the baby. Vanora looked up with Kyla and smiled, they both did. Vanora nodded and got up patting her hand leaving the new family to bond. Tristan came over with the largest smile Kyla had ever seen grace his face and laid on the bed with her laying their new daughter between them. Kyla grinned running her hand over her infants cheek.

"She is beautiful" Tristan whispered in awe of his daughter.

"I know, I have never been prouder then when I first saw her. He has your features" Kyla smiled as the baby wrapped her hand around her finger.

"She has your eyes, the feature I love most about you." He grinned kissing her forehead then her lips gently." I never thought I would know happiness you have given me. Thank you, for your love, your trust, your future, and for her. You have given me what I have only dreamed of, and didn't know I wanted till I met you" His fingers ran gently down her cheek gently as tears welled in his eyes for the first time Kyla had ever saw.

Kylas hand came to his cheek and brushed it gently "I am blessed. You are my blessing, my love, my heart. You are all I ever dreamed of, and I have never been happier," She looked down at their child. "Now we are a family" She grinned tears in her eyes and they laid together on the bed enjoying their time as a new family. Tristan kissed her hand resting with her and staring at his new joy.

Lourdes once again found solace on the wall in the dead of night. The celebrations having ended finally for the new little addition to the for. The breeze washed over her calming her. She loved it. The peace the quiet. Her raging sad emotions though caused the wind to pick up as silent tears ran down her cheeks, writing those letters had drained her and brought forth emotions she didn't want to deal with, things she wanted to keep buried. She would bury. She lifted her head and her skin pricked. Something was in the air. Something would change. She didn't know what but she could see it.

Her senses told her of it as she stood in the night silently in her insomnia that had gripped her since her attack with the Saxons. Her life she had worked so hard to keep in order was crumbling and yet she sensed events that would crumble it more.

Viviane stood in the fort looking up at Lourdes on the wall. The woman she believed to her daughter, who she had raised almost, who she had seen struggle for so many years now, she closed her eye. She knew Lourdes sensed the change that was coming as well, what they didn't know but it was coming.


	29. Chapter 28

The air of change that seemed to creep into everyone's bones only waited a few months before, it finally came. Arthur summoned them all to a meeting in the roundtable room. Tensions were high as well as anticipation. The grim look on Arthur's face told them all of unhappy news to come, which was new since everything had been so well since Kyla and Tristan had Kieran, but still and eerie silence had hung in the fort. It wasn't hard to guess what was coming either.

They all took their seats and looked expectantly as Arthur leaned over hands on the back of his chair looking at them each individually. " Saxons have massed and they march as we speak with the help of what is left of the rogues to the wall. They have already left four villages in ruin in their path" Arthur explained simply as evenly as he possibly could. They are let out a sigh of recognition knowing it was coming after the massacre to reclaim Lourdes and Guinevere.

"When do we leave?" Dagonet asked simply.

The knights all looked to Arthur. Waiting no question that they would fight for their land, their home and their king. The determination on their features clearly etched to meet war head on. " I have spoke with Merlin and the woads are gathering as we speak, we must gather the cavalry and leave tonight, we need to cover ground under the cover of darkness to gain on them"

Lourdes' brow furrowed as she glanced to her brother and Viviane. "What about the Ravens they will fight with you, the warriors of Avalon are loyal to you as well" She inquired perplexed that Arthur had not mentioned them.

Arthur shook his head gently gazing at his sister, she had endured to much already to ask her to face the Saxon again, he couldn't bare the thought of losing her or any of the women again. " No we have discussed it and feel it best you women stay behind, you will not fight them, we will not chance losing you, any of you again"

Lourdes and Kyla both stood, stunned and offended. " You cannot deny us, our right to fight" Lourdes started at him incredulously. He would not take this away from her. Hoe could he deny her her revenge against the evil men who had done her wrong.

"I can and I have, I will not have you lost to them again. I forbid it" He said simply. Lourdes' eyes narrowed warningly as they glanced at the people of the room.

"You fools will sit around and let him deny you able fighters." She waved her arms around angrily.

"Maybe he is right, Kyla has just given birth not long ago, you still have hang ups from your encounter with them, it could get you hurt" Tristan explained simply.

"War is no place for women" Lancelot shook his head.

Lourdes visibly shook in her rage her fists clenched. " War is no place heartless fools like yourself Sir knight" Her jaw clenched and her gaze when to Arthur's angry one for her words to his knight.

Kyla gaze refused to meet Tristan's as she spoke. "I have never thought we would betrayed by our own people" Her arms folded lightly as Guinevere stood turning her back on Arthur.

"May you rot in your hell for this Arthur. I will never forgive you for takeing my right to justice away, never" Her tone was scathing and low as her eyes flashed piercing his intensly before turning and leaving with Kyla and Guinevere.

"Well that went over like a fart in church" Bors shook his head rubbing his hand over his face.

"It does not matter as long as they are safe" Lancelot answered

"At the cost of their respect they are warriors, and we are denying them their fight" Arthur said gently standing up straight. " Lets prepare to leave."

Lancelot found Lourdes in her hiding spot on the wall, and she ignored his presence, she had felt him approach she knew the feel of him as he was close. They stood in silence for what seemed like hours watching the sun set.

"I may not return. I have a bad feeling about this battle. I feel it in my bones. Something is different, things will change with this battle. Can you not tell me we can have peace between us for my sanity before I leave" he asked gently looking out over the wall.

"I have no reason to give you peace. This battle with change nothing but ruining my respect for all of you. You have no right to take our justice away our right to fight. You fight for our honor when it means nothing to you." She replied her voice was a cool calm tone, clipped and her features tense as she never moved her gaze from the expanse before her.

"That is not true," he started at her angrily. "You have no idea what you women mean to us."

"I have a fair idea exactly how much certain ones mean to you" Her eyes turned to him cold and lifeless except for her contempt and anger.

His brow furrowed confused. "What does that mean, all of you I care about equally." His head shook perplexed by her statement.

"True, Guinevere has your love, Kyla has your friendship, and I have your hate. You care equally but in three different emotions" Her brow cocked lightly in a menacing condescending manner.

Lancelot looked at her his eyes wide. She truly believed those statements. She was disillusioned about each of them as well. "I care about all three of you the same, with admiration, friendship, and awe. I have no romantic feelings for Guinevere. She is my brother's wife, Arthur is like my family, my best friend I would never to that to him. And you…I love you as my sister as my own family…"

That struck her harder then she ever thought possible. Her jaw clenched lightly and she swallowed blinking her eyes a few times to reign herself in." But you saw her first didn't you and it eats you that he won, the first thing you ever cared about. I am nothing to you. I have told you before leave me to my devices. Let me alone." She spat turning to walk from the wall it no longer provided the secluded peace she loved so much.

Lancelot quickly followed grabbing her arm. "I will not let you alone. Not till you explain to me your rage and contempt for me and me alone." He growled at her sternly his gaze meeting hers in the dark her eyes shined like emeralds, they always did when she was angry, and it was beautiful.

"Only in my death will you find you sanity to your answers and peace with me Lancelot." She whispered simply and pulled her arm away turning to leave making her way down the stairs and Lancelot watched growling and kicking the wall in contempt, in frustration running his fingers into his hair. He didn't understand and he wanted to. How a woman could hate one person to thoroughly, he had never done such a thing to deserve it, he knew he had never done anything to her. His lifestyle did not spawn such malcontent in someone. He turned watching her make her way into the fort, his eyes narrowed. "You will give me the answers I seek Lourdes, I will understand you if it's the last thing I do."


	30. Chapter 29

WitheringSage My dear you are an inspiration thank you for the reviews. I fear my hiatus has killed my readers for you seem to be the only one reviewing, it hurts my heart cause the enthusiasm for the story kept me going for so long, and once again I am in a position to write again. So I hope you all review, even a few words, please, let me know what you think, critical times are coming the story and I need you support and your feedback.

The three women watched as the men mounted. Kyla held Kieran and Tristan kissed them both, and Arthur kissed Guinevere passionately. Lourdes stood off to the side in the shadows refusing to give them any comfort. Her brother and them had no right to determine her destiny. Her future her fate, was hers to decide. Her eyes narrowed as both Lancelot and Arthur looked over to her shadowed figure and her eyes gleamed menacingly in the darkness like a cat eyeing pray. Her rage displayed unabashedly in her gaze. She then turned and left the stables without a word, goodbye, or sad look. Arthur looked to Lancelot.

"She will calm down when we come back safe." He sighed and turned the horse as they all rode out and rode out the gates towards the north. Lourdes came slowly out of the shadows from behind the stables shadowed, a mystical, frightening look in her eye. Viviane, Kyla, and Guinevere stood in front of her.

"Prepare, the ravens will be ready we ride at first light" She said simply, an even firm tone. The women all nodded already knowing what she would say and were ready. Kyla leaned down kissing her daughters forehead before turning to head towards Vanora who would take care of her in her absence.

The knights and army traveled fast and vast over the land over the cover of the dark. The armies were only a day's ride from the wall which was why they needed to be stopped before they reached it. The knights and army spread in a vast line down at the bottom of a slop of land. The line of trees at the edge of the forest they had emerged from was there cover form the back.

The Ravens speed was on there side as there weren't as many of them as there was the army that slowed them down. So they made it in half the time luckily. Lourdes watched with Kyla and a scout from the cover of the tops of the trees of the forest at the top of the hill. Arthur was having a meeting with the Saxon leader, but tensions were high and Arthur's stature told her there was no peace being negotiated.

Lourdes climbed down and mounted her horse as drums began and she knew it was the beginning of the battle it was starting. She turned to Kyla and Guinevere with Viviane next to her.

"Spread out take a position in front of the Ravens. Charge through the forest and don't stop break through Arthur's lines and head at the Saxons. They will not take our fight from us" She finished sternly her tone low and firm as she jerked her edgy horse around to form the lines with them. The drums spurred the horse onward to begin the charge through the forest. The land they new so well, faces or anger, determination worn on the women's faces. The Saxon battle cries could be heard clearly as they gathered closer and the thumping of the hooves of the Ravens horses began to draw the attention of the army of Arthur's. All their heads turned looking behind them and the women leaned closer tot heir horses spurring them on faster, the adrenaline, the need to fight coarsening through them.

The knights all turned as a thunder of hooves trickled through the forests closing in. The got anxious wondering if their scouts had not seen and warned them of a coming attack form behind. The steeds broke the trees and crashed through Arthur's lines by pure speed and determination, all clad in black. The Ravens. The knight's eyes narrowed as Lourdes burst through the trees sto9pped once she had just cleared them rearing her horse around.

Her eyes met her brothers and the other knights. "Do not ever think to tell me my place or my fights ever again. Or you are dead to me. This is my fight, not yours and I will be damned if you take it from me" She said firmly, her tone dripped serious convictions as her eyes relayed her message with daggers or anger at him. She jerked her horse around. "Ravens for your king, FIGHT! Leave none alive" She yelled as the rest of the Ravens charged from the woods and she herself moved down charging across the land towards the coming Saxon who was now running to met them.

"LOURDES!" Arthur yelled looking to his knights panicked and angered as it seemed so were the rest of them. "Get to them get them out of this fight, that is now your mission" He yelled to them tone clipped but worried. "Britons…charge! Fight for your women's honor!!!!" He yelled as they charged the Ravens already in the midst of fighting they were black dots among the dirt colors of the Saxons.

Tristan scanned the masses fighting from his horse to spot his wife. She had disobeyed them all, her and the others, putting themselves in harms way for the stubborn pride. The knights refused to lose them though. They would not heard the end of this should they get out unscathed. Tristan saw red as he mad his way through the Saxons. As he searched for his wife.

Arthur searched for his as well, he did not see her but he saw Viviane. He dismounted grabbing her arm as he ran his sword through the man she was fighting and spun her. "Lady, I shall have your head if they are harmed." He growled at her, his eyes a deadly poison as they bore into hers. No qualms or faltering in his voice. He was lethally angry and Viviane's eyes narrowed jerking her arm away.

"They are grown women and you are no one to tell them they cannot fight to defend their names and honor for what they have been through" She spat back

Arthur shook in anger" How dare you disobey a direct order from your king. That is my wife and my sister!" He yelled as slashed down another Saxon in his rage.

"Those are my warriors I raised Lourdes, I took her in, I did for her! I will not deny them the right to defend their land and their honor!" Viviane yelled back turning to fight another Saxon as Arthur did the same at her back.

Lancelot chanced upon Guinevere and pulled her roughly off her horse. "You fool or a woman, do you women have no sense!" He yelled at her holding her close to protect her.

"We saved your asses last time we fought them do not treat as feeble bar women" Guinevere spat at him. "Let me go to fight" She struggled against him.

"So help me hold still or I will tie you to me. I obey my king's orders and they were to find you three" Lancelot glared at her his eyes moved though moving up to scan for Lourdes. He knew if she sustained serious injury she would never make it, due to the ramifications of her last injury. Her body didn't have the resistance it did before. Guinevere twisted roughly sinking her short sword into a Saxon they charged them while Lancelot was looking for Lourdes but not before he tried to kick her away slicing her arm as he went down and hitting her old wound in her belly and she groaned and Lancelot quickly hunched over with her wrapping her in his arms to protect her from any further injury.

Kyla didn't even see Bors coming as he hoisted her up from behind turning her away from the battle and up onto his horse and began to ride off fighting one handed. "Fight me and I'll break your hands you silly fool." He told her firmly trying to get her to Merlin who was in the confines of the forest line. He waited for the three women to be brought to him to keep them hidden and safe, and Kyla turned red in anger. She helped fight from atop his horse though, he allowed her that much as she did with a vengeance and passion.

Lourdes showed up knocking Bors off his horse out of nowhere and he took Kyla with him. She sat atop her horse proudly her face a mask of stern malice as her gaze bore down on him. "You will give her the dignity of this fight" She said coldly before she jerked her horse around and away before anyone could reach her. Kyla scrambled up to run to throw herself back into the fight but ran headlong into Dagonet who stood like a towering inferno in her way. " You will come with me" He said leaving her no room for argument, but Lourdes was off elsewhere by now and could be of no help again and Kylas eyes narrowed her jaw tensed.

Arthur still fought side by side with Viviane trying to get visual of any of the women but he didn't amidst all the fighting. "Lady you need to retreat back to Merlin, the others will be brought to you" Arthur huffed tired growing tired from the fight.

"I will not my girls won't leave and neither will I" She replied firmly holding her sword at him warningly.

Lourdes had made her hasty retreat to fight slipping off her horse, the stealth of a deadly assassin as she cut through Saxons from both sides, the anger, rage, and vile hate flowing from her in the memory of what they had done to Guinevere and her. It fueled her blood to kill. Kill as many as possible. Her eyes scanned the battle field she saw Arthur and Viviane it appeared fighting each other. Her gaze turned and she drove her sais into another Saxon and crouched letting him fall and her gaze flew up and her eyes spotted him. She knew him anywhere and the daggers flashed in her eyes seeing who was with and protecting once again. She was hunched over slightly breathing heavily from the fight. Dirt and smog crept in from the fire of bows from the woads. The smell of burning flesh and blood filled the air and seeped into her. But the foul taste of betrayal filled her taste buds as she looked at Guinevere cling to Lancelot and him protect her whole heartedly with his own body once again. Then the onslaught of memories hit her, the words spoken to her.

"_I love you as my sister as my own family…"_

"_You are going to lose Lourdes. This war you have waged will end and everything will come out and you will have lost. You are a strong woman; you are also a terrified little girl on other matters."_

"_You weren't planning to come out of the battle alive. This was your purpose? Why you chose to become a warrior."_

"_Your losing this battle sweet girl, your demons are winning."_

All of the voices and words drifted through her and she knew, in that moment knew what she had to do.

_I love you as my sister as my own family……._

_Love you as my sister….._

It filtered through her like a dead weight. Finally may she have her peace and her gaze met theirs as if they could feel her looking at them and she stood slowly letting her sais drop out of her hands.

Guinevere was first to see her, and instantly the flash in her eyes, she knew as Lourdes stood and her eyes died of everything but, pain, betrayal and longing. She began to shake her head as Lourdes slowly straightened herself up. "No…" She whispered drawing Lancelot's attention and he looked to where she looked, and he sighed in relief seeing Lourdes, and seeing she was alright, but her expression wore something he had never seen before, betrayal, pain, resignation and he watched her drop her sais to the ground and his eyes widened in recognition.

"No….LOURDES!" He yelled and saw Arthur not far from her. As Lourdes stood stoically and her gaze never left them and the tears finally shined in her eyes as she began to close her eyes. "ARTHUR!!!!" Lancelot and Guinevere yelled.

Arthur and Viviane raised their gaze and saw Lourdes and Lancelot and Guinevere further in front of her but Lourdes was dropping her sais, standing the midst her arms outstretched lightly, inviting the inevitable. He and Viviane began to run.

"Dear goddess no, Lourdes" Viviane and him ran fighting with the speed of a stallion to get to her. Lancelot and Guinevere both saw it though as the Saxon ran up behind her. They began to run in vain to reach her. "NO! LOURDES!" Guinevere yelled as the Saxon reared his sword back. It was like a thick quicksand they couldn't move almost was what it felt like as they fought to reach her, the fight dwindling slowly. The Saxon drove the sword through her and Lancelot emanated a yell jerking as if he had been hit himself. Guinevere screamed as Lourdes arched violently the sword piercing her the same area as her old would. Guinevere hands flew to her mouth with her scream and Lancelot hit his knees in shock as he watched Lourdes fall. Arthur was caught fighting but Viviane wasn't far away now.

She reached Lourdes turning her over holding her in her arms the blood trickling from her mouth. "Lourdes you foolish child what have you done." Viviane looked at her wound and tears sprang to her eyes not knowing what to do for her daughter.

"Please, Lourdes sputtered. Let me find peace. Please" She closed her eyes and tears ran from them trickling down her cheeks gently. Viviane raised her gaze seeing Lancelot staring in shock holding a weeping Guinevere and she looked back to Lourdes. Her daughter had fought bravely but her fight was done she could endure no more of this demon. Viviane kissed her forehead. She grabbed a vile from her pouch blessing the Goddess he had given her the intuition to bring the herbs and forced the liquid into Lourdes.

By the time Lancelot, Guinevere and Arthur reached them though. Lourdes had gone lax in her arms and Viviane cried into her hair. Balling rocking her lightly and Arthur pulled his sister out of her arms. "Lourdes…Lourdes…LOURDES!!" He yelled at her there was no response though, he felt her and felt no heartbeat and raised his head in shock looking at her. "S-She let herself be hit. She…she went down on purpose." He said in a stunned tone to himself. Kyla showed up with Bors and the others as the fight became slow to nothing, they had won but at a price. Guinevere laid over her understanding more then any what Lourdes had done and why. She sobbed into her friend's chest. She was dead, and maybe now she could find her peace. Kyla kneeled next to her and began to sob as she lay in the dirt and ruins of the battle Lancelot stood too stunned to react and walked off not able to deal with it. It wasn't real, but tears stung his eyes a filtered down his cheeks as he looked at her pale lifeless body in the dirt. Lourdes had finally achieved her goal.

"_Only in my death will you find your sanity find your answers and peace with me Lancelot."_

Her voice filtered through his mind, he would find no peace in her death or sanity, her cryptic message, the unanswered questions, the underlying workings would never be told. Lourdes was gone; she had ripped herself from them cruelly. Lancelot saw not how this offered him peace or sanity, for he ached, his heart ached and he let out a sob into his hands as he watched his best friend still speak to her as if she would wake. But she wouldn't, ever; she had eternal peace and sleep now.

Note to readers: The story is not ending here, to see what happens keep reading I have more to come….hold on to your butts and let me know what you think. This chapter was very trying….and emotionally draining. I hope you cried, it's the affect I wanted…chuckles…not a bad thing promise…


	31. Chapter 30

To all of you who reviewed thank you so much, those reviews sourer d me on writing this part today…this part was very draining and in my eyes no matter what I did just wasn't perfect, but here you go and think you so much all of you. I appreciated all of your feedback greatly keep it up it fuels me to know people are enjoying it, and yes there is much more to come… a tally of those of you who think Lancelot and Lourdes should be together would be nice…I can't decide myself at this point…so I will leave it to the readers.winks All in your hands now…

The atmosphere was stony mournful silence nobody dared utter a word. Lourdes lay in a caravan wrapped up and ready for burial. They all made their way to their respective rooms in silence and Viviane followed Arthur to the roundtable room as Guinevere and Kyla were taken to lay down to upset to deal with anything. Arthur gripped the back of the chair letting his head fall foreword leaning over it. He stayed that way for a moment before with an angry painful yell he tossed it across the room and the wall before leaning against the wall himself his head resting against it as he let out a sob. Lourdes, his Lourdes, his baby sister gone.

"Arthur, we need to decide what needs to be done with her" Viviane said through her tears.

"She will be buried with our father that's what; she deserves to be with her family." He growled angrily looking to the woman who had lead them to the battle. "If not for you she would still be here." He blamed quickly.

"Not true, You know I would have no sway on her once her mind was made up I accompanied her to see her safely there and back hand through the battle, to do all I could for her. Apparently we all failed" She looked to the ground.

Arthur turned away from her his eyes blinking back his tears. He knew we she was right Lourdes always had been a pigheaded child since childhood. She didn't take orders; she defied you to prove her will and power. He sighed.

"She would want to be buried in Avalon" Viviane said.

Arthur spun on her his eyes blazing. "How dare you try to take my sister." He spat in contempt eyeing the High Priestess herself.

Viviane clasped her hands together retaining her stoic stature. " It is what she would want."

"I will not let you take her away, I never got to bury my mother and my father I barley remember he died when her and I were so young! I will not have her ripped from me even in death like she was in life. Lourdes was her own destruction. I don't know why, but I can have her now and close to me!" He raged at her spinning pinning her with his panicked, hurt, mournful gaze.

Viviane swallowed hard and nodded moving towards him wrapping him in her arms. "She is always with you Arthur." Arthur accepted her comfort freely needing it as he wrapped his arms around her waist and crying into her shoulder.

"I can't believe she is gone. She doesn't feel gone, yet she had felt gone for so long. I wish she would have shared her demons so we could help her" He sobbed into her shoulder as they sank to the floor Viviane resting her head on his on her shoulder as her own tears fell.

They all surrounded the grave next to Arthur's fathers. Lourdes lay next to her father and was now once again joined with him. He allowed Viviane to perform the Avalon rituals and have her buried by her Ravens and they all walked up the hill to join for their Farwell to Lourdes. He allowed Viviane to do the rights of Avalon for her and watched as all the ravens tossed flowers on her grave as small fires circled it with her sais stuck in the earth symbolizing her grave sight. Tears flew freely as the Ravens crowded around speaking in their native tongue a chant to welcome her to the otherworld. Where she would continue on. Guinevere huddled to Arthur and Kyla stayed glued to Tristan and he comforted her and even her let a lone tear slid down his cheek.

The sorrow bus free in the air and before they dispersed Lancelot lagged behind and knelt down kissing the bud of a rose and laying it among the other flowers and standing, and Viviane stood behind him.

"She left something for you" She spoke gently and Lancelot spun around startled at her voice and eyed her, as she stood regal and beautiful. Lancelot understood how she was so admired in that moment her sadness shined in the depths of her eyes though.

"What do you mean?" He asked eying her gently his brow furrowing. Viviane moved her hand holding out parchment to him. Lancelot looked at it and held his hand out his name scrawled in Lourdes writing on the front.

"I found it among her things along with a letter for Kyla and Arthur, in the even that anything happened to her you were to get this" Viviane answered before giving him a weak smiled and turning to leave knowing she could explain no more.

Lancelot stared at her writing on the cover, seeing her gentle strokes that made his name across it and his fingers traced it. He made his way to his room placing it on the bed and removing his armor but his eyes never moved from the letter. Wondering what she could possibly have to say to him.

…_."Only in my death will you find your sanity find your answers and peace with me Lancelot."_

Her voice echoed through him as he made his way over and over as he moved to his bed and took in a deep breath slowly releasing it as he lifted the letter and turned it over sliding his finger of the seal and opened, it was pages. He flattened it out as his eyes began to scan the words.

_Lancelot,_

_Dear Lancelot. I don't know where to begin. If you're reading this then, my fate I have wished for, for so long has finally been granted. I do not begin to believe you would mourn me. The reckless cruelty I have brought to you, has been great, and even in death I don't know if I would be granted with your forgiveness. But in my death I am finally free to be honest in ways I never could in life. I can tell you the truth finally._

_For seventeen years I have ran from the cruel truth of my greatest sin and demon. The greatest sin against myself. I ran to Avalon Lancelot, as fast as I could. I ran….from you. For eight years I watched you grow from your arrival at the fort and watch you begin to become the strong, courageous, brave man you are. A legendary knight. I was never prouder of you even though I never showed it………._

Lancelot's brow furrowed as he read feverishly relishing that he might finally have answers even if they were to late.

_I can tell you now, that you questioned me for years on my reasons for my contempt and hate for you, truth being I had no reasons, I had n o contempt, and no hate. I had the will to fight to keep myself. Running to Avalon was my way of trying to hold on to any shred of my sanity, to keep a part of me whole. Cause here I was watching myself slip away._

_Avalon proved to be no solace or cure for my longing. I saw your face, dreamed of it, heard your voice on the wind, and your smile haunted me. That roguish seductive grin of yours. In my absence my bitterness grew. I lost myself in you still. I ran Lancelot…I ran from you yet still could not escape you. You remained the one thing that changed my life, that kept me going and killed me inside._

_Why?...I know your thinking that now…if I were there I could eve picture your face reading this…well because…_

_I love you…_

Lancelot's eyes widened scanning over the words again and again as he sank slowly into his chair by the window his legs shook and hands that held the letter. He kept reading though.

_I loved you from the moment you looked at me and smiled the day you arrived. You were the one thing I never planned on and could not acccept. The lover Lancelot being the man that captured my heart. The man whose bravery, chivalry, and strength I could never compare to. I would never be enough for you I was your commanders sister, a man untouched and unattainable by women. I could not bare it. So I ran trying to bury you. To purge myself of you so that I could attempt to live my life._

_Never happened, when I returned and saw you again when I never thought I would, it sealed my fate. I am a coward, I cannot face you, I cannot utter the words of true with my own voice to you. My heart and soul could not take your laughter at the ludicrous idea or your rejection. You were my demon…_

_I fought you for as long as I could. You were like a shining beacon in my life your persistence flabbergasted me. I think merely it was your curiosity more then anything. I am the woman who fell in love with you, and the only thing I could see doing was hating you, distance you far from me if you hated me then I could grow to hate you…_

_It was the only hope I had of surviving, yet that never happened. I could never bring myself to hate you. I remember badon hill, the fear that gripped me when I saw you were about to be hit, and I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't watch you die. I was already dead inside; the pain had numbed me years ago. I knew you cared for Guinevere and the jealousy was to much, knowing I would never be the woman you looked at like that or the woman who could hold your heart. My shame kept me from acknowledging you when I woke. I wished you had let me die that day. At least I could have died in your arms, I knew how it felt to be held that day it was the only thing that kept me there, was feeling you there with me._

_When I woke though I realized exactly how I was nothing, I would never compare or deserve you. You were and probably even in the otherworld Lancelot my heart and soul. I prided myself on being strong yet you were my weakness. I would never have your valor, your bravery, your strength, or your fight. I was a foolish woman who lost her heart and her way to a man, she could never hope to win or compare to._

_Now though I can tell you, I longed for you and cried myself to sleep so many nights seeing your face and hearing your voice. I loved you so completely, you completed me and without you I became a self destructive force that not even the gods could keep me from my fate, in death I find peace from the pain hopefully and can smile on you from where I am, and bless you everyday and give you what I could not in life….the truth.._

_I love you now and I will love you I the beyond, for the curse my life became I cannot regret a day of knowing you and being with you. Ever…_

_Find your place, your home, and your happiness Lancelot. Don't become a bitter fool like myself….Please you deserve so much more…_

_Always and forever…_

_Lourdes Castus_

When Lancelot was done he looked up and had tears streaming down his face rereading the letter again. He was confused, conflicted, and flabbergasted. He adored that woman, the strongest wisest, bravest woman he knew. The woman who had bared so much inside and he never knew he never saw it and it was right there if he had looked. He swallowed hard getting up reading her words again and a gentle sob escaped his lips followed by an angry yell as his hand swiped over his dressing table clearing it of all the items, he wanted to destroy something to make it feel his pain of her loss, of the loss of the love he never knew of, of the woman he cared for above any other, the woman he himself believed to love. Knowing there was more to her, yet he was a fool and hid himself from her as well.

He jerked everything around his room throwing and punching the wall before breaking out his door not knowing where his feet were taking him but he walked and they took him to her fresh grave in the earth and he let out another sob falling to his knees.

"You fool of a woman," He yelled at the freshly dug earth. "Why? Why did you do this. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't I have the courage to tell you?" He put his face in his hands crying before he growled in a painful rage smashing his fists into her grave. "Damn you woman get up and fight with me, tell me to my face. Don't you leave me with this, not when I can't tell you what I think an feel, not when I have no chance of winning this…..come back to me, tell me yourself!" he yelled at her grave leaning over it letting the anguished tears from years of emotions spill out of him. "Damn it Lourdes come back. I swear you stubborn woman I loved you for everything and despite everything you did" He yelled to the sky before looking down and running his fingers over her sais. He leaned over and let it all out. He never loved Guinevere no, not like that anyway. That stubborn beautiful Castus woman had captured his heart years ago, his own damn fool self didn't realize it till Badon Hill, then never had the guts to tell her. Her brave knight had failed her….then ripped herself away from him to find peace in death. While leaving him to mourn what could have been.

Viviane rode all night with Kyla to catch up to the caravan holding the wounded from the battle and ushered themselves into the shrouded caravan with only one person in it. The wounded woman looked up at them in a fever induced haze. "Viviane, Kyla," Lourdes spoke hoarsely as her and Kyla made quick work of mending her wounds. Quietly for they had just committed the biggest treason for their sister and friend. In their deceit though, they hopefully gave Lourdes the peace she sought as Lourdes gently smiled at them and Kyla ran her hand over her forehead wiping the perspiration from her vow. If they did not get her to Avalon and work on her she truly would be dead.


	32. Chapter 31

Viviane and Kyla stayed by Lourdes' side her wound was severe and it took them all night and day standing visual to keep on top of it. Lourdes had had a fever for four days now, without showing a sign of breaking. Her wound had become infected and Viviane and Kyla feared the worst at this point. That they may truly lose her.

"No…Lancelot…Lancelot where are you?" Lourdes tossed and turned in her hullcinations. Kyla shushed her as a mother would a babe wipeing her brow of the sweat as Viviane changed the dressings on her wound. She sighed.

"Kyla the infection isn't letting up" Viviane informed her looking at the angry wound on her back over the scarring of the old wound. Lourdes coughed and Kyla held her up slightly as she coughed up blood. Her friend shook her head looking to Viviane.

"There has to be something we are not doing. If we don't get this to break soon she will die for sure. Then we need not worry about the others finding out" Kyla bent down looking at the wound.

Viviane looked up. There is still one thing we can do. We will need a third though. It is the strongest druid magic I know. There is only one I know who can do it." She rose leaving the room calling one of the guards of the borders.

She looked to up to the man. He guarded the entrance to Avalon and was one of the few men who resided in the isle. " I need you to ride, ride hard, fetch Merlin for me do not tell him why, but tell it's urgent he must come right away. Now go hurry.." The man nodded and was off into the mists.

"May the goddess bless you that you are in time" She added softly.

The fort was solemn; Kyla had gone to help Viviane with the wounded from the battle. Tristan thought it good to distract her. Arthur spent most of his day up on the hill sitting by Lourdes' grave. Guinevere seemed to be beating herself up mostly. She should have seen this coming, should have known what Lourdes would do. That final look would be forever in her memory.

Lancelot had taken to sleeping in Lourdes' room or at least spending is days there. He missed her so much. He traced over all of her things, discovering knew things everyday.. Barley a week had passed since her death and he did not think any of them would ever fully recover from her loss. To much could have been done to spare it.

He had read her letter everyday memorizing it. Unable to believe the words every time he read it again. E opened her drawers his fingers ran over the ornate pins she used to wear in her hair, he could still smell her. He lifted a box from the drawer that held her jewelry. He noticed the board was lose and lifted the bottom board to see a book he picked it up curiously. He opened the front cover and saw her delicate writing across the page with a date. It was a journal or diary of hers. He moved over to the bed and sat down flipping through the pages.

It spanned from her time as a child at the fort through her years in Avalon till right up before they left for the battle that had taken her from them.

Lancelot read for hours. Learning her, finally crawling into her and knowing what she was inside and what she thought. He began to read an entry after she was brought back from the Saxons and was holed up in her room.

_Once again I survive…._

_Yet I cannot understand my place in this world, my purpose her. Especially now. I can't sleep for fear I will see those men in my nightmares, I feel dirty, used, tainted…_

_What man would want me now even if I had a chance of being a worthwhile woman to one? Unfortunately I am still spoiled, for my heart belongs to Lancelot. How fitting it was him who was true to form and found me in the dark, my savior. My savior and my demon. He will never look at me wanting a spoiled ravage woman as myself. I had saved myself, for him. I swore I would only be with the man I loved. If not him then no one. Now everything I had has been ripped from me, Arthur is married, Lancelot will never notice me or realize I am even here or what my truths are. Kyla is pregnant and wed. Bless her for she has everything she dreamed of. Mine will always be only dreams, I deserve nothing more. I have caused whatever this evil is between me and Lancelot, it's what I wanted. I wanted him to loathe me._

_It was the only way I saw of keeping my dignity but I am nothing but a joke now, the king's spinster sister. I will never marry, have children, or smile truly again. Loneliness hurts; the ache has resided in me for so long I do not know anything else. I beg everyday, to the goddess to tell me my purpose, to tell me why I am being punished, I truly don't understand…._

Lancelot sighed blinking back tears, she thought herself nothing but dirt. It broke his heart even now, she died not knowing how much she was loved, admired, and respected.. How much she meant to everyone. Including him.

Merlin arrived the day after the guard was sent out he was escorted to Viviane's small cottage on the isle and nodded to her as he entered. "What is wrong my lady?" He asked apprehensively. Viviane sighed and nodded for him to follow and walked a small hall in the cottage to a room she opened the door and gestured for him to enter. He did perplexed but his eyes widened upon seeing Lourdes on the bed, she was breathing, desperately sick but alive. His gaze moved back to Viviane.

"What have you done Viviane?" He asked stunned moving towards Lourdes who had Kyla sitting next to her praying almost in a chant.

" I did what I had to, she would ahe no peace Merlin it was this or she truly would kill herself from her insanity over the demons she carries. Whatever they may be we all have out speculations but she will confirm none," The high priestess sighed and moved over next to him. "I need your help, or else she truly will die. Then we will need not worry about formalities. We need her here Merlin" Viviane's voice dropped to a whisper. "If she dies so does the Castus line. Arthur is to Christian to lay with another woman, and if Lourdes is not here and bare a son, Briton will fall into war upon Arthur's death. You know this. We need her here along with want her here."

Merlin looked to her and sighed thinking upon what she said and nodded in agreement. She was right if no Castus heir was born, the throne would be fought for in open war in Briton if something happened to Arthur.

Merlin sighed "What do you need me for?" He asked in a resigned tone.

"I need your utmost secrecy, and I need you to help me perform the ritual" She looked at him pointedly and seriously. Merlin sighed heavily again knowing to what she was referring it was strong powers they worked with to perform that. Lourdes had to be very bad off to do that.

"You know I will help you" He said simply and Kyla sighed in ease knowing Merlin would help.

"Kyla get everything to prepare." Viviane said and Kyla got up leaving quickly to prepare.


	33. Chapter 32

It's a short one but I have my purposes hold on it's going to be a bumpy ride soon for everyone..

Merlin and Viviane at on opposite sides of Lourdes. Their eyes closed hands laid gently on her the room only lit my candles and incense burning. Around Viviane's cottage was a circle of the priestess' they held hands kneeled around the structure. A chant whispered upon the air as the foreign tongue to any but them weaved the old magic of their kind to try and save their friend. The clouds began to move in quickly from nowhere. The lighting streaked the sky illuminating it for brief moments the only light over the land as the sunset became shrouded din black clouds and Merlin and Viviane continued.

After an hour a small crowd had gathered on the wall to watch the dark clouds in the far distance to the north. Lancelot looked to Arthur who glanced at all his knights in turn. "It appears to be over Avalon" Guinevere whispered gently from besides Arthur. The clouds whirled only over that area the rest was sunny from the setting sun and the lighting could be seen and the downpour of rain. It was a very odd and mystical looking sight making them all wonder.

"What is going on in Avalon?" Lancelot asked Arthur lightly.

Arthur shook his head. " I don't know but it's giving me the chills, something that will affect us all is happening" He whispered as they watched.

The door had blown open in Viviane's small home the windows also as her and Merlin continued, the rain pelting them from the windows, as the wind whipped things around the room blowing out the candles.

"Goddess we are your disciples we do your work. She is your future, bless her, give her life, and do not let her parish. I ask you this favor. In our gratitude we will pay you and debt you ask. Finally thunder was heard as a lighting bolt cracked down into the earth besides her seeing stone, the bowl that held the sacred waters that let her see things past present and future. Viviane looked to Merlin and he nodded for her to go, it was a sign. Viviane ran outside through the rain to the top of the hill. Her eyes looked into the stone basin and she watched the scene unfold like something she had already seen like a memory and her eyes widened and she looked to the house. This was not good, but this was what was to happen or Briton would fall to ruin. She swallowed making her way back to her cottage. There would be much pain and sorrow, anguish even before there would be peace.

She walked back in and nodded to Merlin taking his hands as they joined touching Lourdes. "We except your debt and it will be paid." Thunder and lighting stuck again as the druid power and energy flowed through them and into Lourdes. After a moment Lourdes' eyes opened and she gasped in a breath panting heavily and groaning in agony from her wound. The clouds lighting stopped and the rain eased as the priestess' outside held their breath as Viviane checked Lourdes. Lourdes turned smiling at her as Viviane checked her over her infection was gone and her would looked clean healthy and healing. Viviane smiled and sighed in relief as she looked up to Merlin who smiled as well kissing Lourdes' forehead.

Arthur watched with everyone else waiting watching as the clouds dispersed as quickly as they came in and everyone's brow furrowed curiously and Arthur leaned closer to Tristan and whispered to him. "Go check it out" Tristan nodded willing to seeing as Kyla was there and silently turned and left.


	34. Chapter 33

Okay guys I am doing a time jump…for a few reasons, mainly I can't think of filler things to drag the story out more cause there is still so much I have planned and also to get the critical parts of the story going again….hope you guys don't mind. I do have more planned for this…and I hope you all like it more Lancelot Lourdes Drama…and some new drama for Kyla and Tristan and Arthur and Gwen, so sit back an enjoy…. Also if you guys want…I made a fanfic video for this story….I was inspired by a song and the man…LOL If you want check it out. E-mail me and let me know…or elave it in a comment or review and I will give the addy to you/

It was a year…a year and Kylas daughter was one now. She was beginning to take her first steps. For a year Kyla had made excuses of going back and forth to Avalon well not quite a year after a few months she notice Tristan's suspicions rising and her and Lourdes had taken to sending letters that Kyla told him were from Viviane. Tristan tried his best to catch on to what was going on but Kyla being a scout of sorts herself was smarter then that. She hid or burned the letters when she was done leaving no evidence of Lourdes being alive. Tristan was confused by her behavior and knew there was a dark secret his wife was keeping. He had rode out to Avalon when Arthur asked that day and when he got there the mists were thicker then he had ever seen them the boat would not come to the shore to offer him a ride. Finally Kyla came across with a grin plastered on but her eyes held something back. Something was in Avalon her and Viviane wanted no one to know about. He would find out what.

Lourdes thrived in her sanctuary of Avalon happy to be home once more, she missed Kyla and Arthur greatly though. Her mind plagued by thoughts of Lancelot and Guinevere. The visions never faded of them on that battlefield once more. She cursed Viviane for keeping her alive but blessed her for the solitude of everybody thinking her dead. She was happy yet sorrowful at the same time. Lancelot she had figured out would always plague her. He owned her heart no matter what she did. She had even in that time tried to lose herself in some of the affections of the men in Avalon the few priests there were in the isle. Nothing worked though; he was permanently a part of her, no matter where she was, what she did, or how dead he thought she was.

Tristan sat waiting in visual knowing another letter would be coming soon it had been three weeks. He had every intention of intercepting it and find out exactly what was going on. He wasn't let down when he saw the Avalon messenger rid over the ridge he waited in the trees, like a hawk he watched till the rider edged into the forest and trotted under the branches he was perched on before he jumped down knocking the rider from their horse. It was a woman naturally and Tristan held his sword to her throat. "I know you have a letter for my wife and I want it, I don't want to have to kill you to get it" His voice was it's usually even monotone boom. No hint of sarcasm if humor, he was dead serious. The woman narrowed her eyes at him her jaw clenching and Tristan pressed the blade closer into her throat gouging it and she winced; Tristan noticed her satchel and reached down jerking it off her and opening it seeing a slip of paper with Avalon's seal on it. "Is this the letter for her?"

The woman refused to answer turning her gaze away, Tristan tore the letters seal and opened it seeing it was addressed to Kyla, he was engrossed in the words and the signature made him go white. It read Lourdes Castus. It wasn't possible, he looked up to question the woman but she was gone, like she was wind and blew away his head shook lightly looking around and then back to the letter staring at the writing spelling her name. Lourdes. It wasn't possible.

He grabbed his horse and headed for the fort to grab a few things he would go to Avalon witness it for himself before he did anything it could be someone else under Lourdes' alias.

"What do you mean your going away for a few days?" Kyla gripped agitated at her spouse for his stern face and snappish attitude.

"Just what I said I have to do something I will be back" His tone broached no room for argument and Kylas eyes narrowed her lips pursed shut before she folded her arms her brow furrowing at his sudden attitude. She watched him ride out and through the gates and the wind blew a foul gust that sent a chill over her; change once again was in the air and it made her skin prickle not knowing what he was up too.

Tristan rode as hard and as fast as he could reaching the borders of Avalon the mist creeping over the vast lake you couldn't see and inch in front of you in this fog. "Viviane!" He called. "Viviane, dear Lady I need to speak with you!" He called out. It was a few moments before the boat appeared and Tristan gently got in as it hit the shore after he tied his horse to the tree on the shore.

The man on the boat didn't say anything just rowed gently silently, a deathly silent motion there was no jerking or hesitation simple elegant strokes that were so quiet nobody would ever know he was on the lake. They reached the far shore of Avalon no knight had ever been in Avalon. Lady Viviane stood on the banks of the lake shrouded in a red clock the mists surrounded her like a warning almost and Tristan stepped out of the boat and met her gaze and she nodded to the path towards her cottage. Tristan followed knowing his task and determined but in aw of being in such a sacred place, and the beauty and majesty of it struck him hard. No wonder Kyla and Lourdes loved Avalon; it felt to peaceful, light, like it completed you, everything looked richer and brighter. There reached her home and the door was opened by a servant the same one who he had assaulted for the letter. Her gaze fixed on him hard and pointedly.

"I was expecting you Tristan," Viviane said pushing the hood off her head and then removing the cloak laying it in the woman's arms as she came for it.

"Really?" His brow rose turning his gaze to the woman knowing she came right back and told Viviane of what he did.

"Yes and I must ask why you are meddling in Avalon's business." She turned to look at him a calm and serene tone laced her words.

His gaze turned back to her steely this time. "Why was Lourdes' signature on that letter Viviane?" He asked to the point and harsh about it. He watched Viviane sigh as she sat down looking to the window.

"We knew we could not hope to keep it a secret long. You knights are to meddlesome and nosey. Plus it is her destiny that lies at the fort." She exhaled her words gently raising her hand to rest her chin on it.

"Whose destiny? Lourdes is dead. What is going on" He demanded this time.

Viviane stood "She isn't dead. She begged me on that battlefield to let her die, but her destiny still exists. I gave her a drug to make her look dead and had her shuffled quickly back to Avalon with the other wounded." Viviane stated simply moving to grab a drink for herself.

"You what? That's not possible she is buried in Badon" Tristan shook his head.

"No she isn't we claimed to have certain rituals for burial and buried another body there, that isn't Lourdes. She is here in Avalon" The lady sighed heavily downing a healthy drink of wine to relax her anxious nerves.

His head shook again. "I don't believe you show her to me."

Viviane nodded and moved towards the door. "As long as you don't let her know you're here, let her enjoy her last few days of peace before her hell reigns over her again." Her hand stalled on the door looking at him for his affirmation with almost a pleading glance. Lourdes still had too much to endure for her serenity to end so soon.

Tristan went to protest and saw the look of appeal in her eyes. He closed his lips letting out a heavy breath. This wasn't really any of their thoughts, Lourdes safety was first and seeing as she tried to give herself to death maybe a little bit of peace was what she had needed for awhile, he didn't believe it healed her though by any means, she had to many deep seeded issues. He nodded slowly, and Viviane opened the door leading the way that walked over the large hill to the east and from their vantage point they could see down below where Lourdes sat on the other side of the hill in a flat area gazing quietly. He saw a cottage at the bottom of the hill which must be where she stayed hidden from all. He stared at her, it was true, that was Lourdes as she turned her head looking to the sky he saw her features and knew it was her, and he couldn't help a relieved smile broke out over his face. She was alive and that would make them all happy more then anything. Except probably her. Arthur would be furious along with the others, and he was to as he looked at Viviane.

"You had no right to do what you did." He snapped gently at her his jaw tense against his words.

Her gaze snapped to Tristan's her eyes flashing. "Dare you snap at me and question me. If I did not she never would have lived, we almost lost her as it was." She grounded out angrily. Tristan remembered that day he rode out to see what caused the storm. It was the Avalon powers.

"You used druid power to help her, we saw it from the fort the storm, the off cluster and lightening. That was you working to save her weren't it?" He asked astonished.

She looked away and back to Lourdes. "Without her and you knights, Arthur's rule will fall to ruin. Every favor asked has a debt to be paid and unfortunately for her life that the Goddess granted it has to be repaid. Not in anyway I know she can live through though, physically or emotionally but the latter more." She sighed.

The scout's brow furrowed as he eyed her. "I don't understand how will Lourdes pay? What do you mean?"

"You shall see soon enough. Lourdes and us all have a place we fit in Britons future." She replied gently.

"You know I must gather Arthur and tell him." He told her more then warning her she knew what would happen.

"I know, I waited for it, she had to be discovered, she has a place at the fort she must be. Lourdes is strong, but I fear what being back at the fort will do to her and others." Her gaze never left Lourdes.

"It will remain to be seen, I must return, have her enjoy it for within a few days Arthur will be here." He answered looking to Lourdes, sorry he had to do this, but she was right Lourdes, had a place to be at the fort, even though they both meant it in different ways the either never knew it.


	35. Chapter 34

Tristan rode like the wind back to the fort, his determination to reach Arthur and the others as soon as possible then he would deal with Kyla. He rode through the gates handing over his horse and making his way quickly to the fort. Kyla was coming down the hall towards him as he headed for the roundtable to see if Arthur was there or in his room. Kyla smiled to see he had returned and his gaze narrowed and she stopped at the angry look on his face.

"You're a deceptive woman; you had no right to meddle with life and death…or to lie… I saw Lourdes…" He whispered venomously to her.

Her eyes widened in surprise and she tensed. " That's right I went to Avalon and saw her and so will everybody else as soon as you tell the whole sordid deal to Arthur and explain to him why he is to believe his sister is dead," He gripped her arm roughly in a vice grip. "When in fact she is happy, gay and alive in Avalon." He spat turning and dragging her towards the roundtable.

Kyla struggled against his hold "No Tristan, I won't do this to her." She fought to release herself from his bruising hold on her digging her heels into the ground.

"You will do this to her, what about what you, Viviane, and her did to us. To Arthur." He growled pulling the door open and seeing all the knights, Vanora, and Guinevere in there enjoying lunch. He pushed Kyla into the room, not caring right now he was so angry of her deception.

Arthur's brow creased seeing Tristan's anger and seeing him treat Kyla in such a manner and he rose from his chair. "Tristan what is this? And where have you been?"

Tristan looked down to Kyla. "This is the least of her worries, since I found out her little secret. Go ahead dear tell him..." Tristan mocked her looking to her gripping the table that he had pushed her into. She just narrowed her gaze at him.

Tristan nodded," Alright I'll tell him." His gaze moved to the knights and Arthur. " It's about Lourdes. Kyla had been up to suspicious stuff since returning from Avalon, receiveing mysterious letters from Viviane and such. I intercepted one to find out, it wasn't from Viviane at all. But Lourdes, Kyla and Viviane smuggled her out after the battle. Lourdes never parrished on that battlefield, Viviane made it appear she did with some of those wonderful Avalon remedies, and they carted her to Avalon to heal and recooperate leaving us all to believe her dead. Viviane said Lourdes begged her to let her die, but couldn't do it." He looked at allt he stunned faces around him.

"I didn't believe it so I rode to Avalon and Viviane showed her to me, I saw her with ym own eyes, alive, healthy, and running about Avalon. That was the mysterious storm we saw all that time ago. Lourdes nearly did die, but Viviane and our dear Kyla with all their Avalon know how and power begged their Goddess for her life, and evidentally it worked cause she is alive. I rode there to make sure before I brought it to your attention Arthur, it is true Lourdes is alive and well, and living a life in Avalon away from all of us, living out her lie." He spat pacing glaring at Kyla. Arthur and the others stared at her rising from their chairs.

"Kyla is this true?" Arthur asked his features tense unreadable. Kyla clanked at all their faces and couldn't fight them, not if Tristan had already seen her, she could not be hidden.

"Answer us Kyla!" Lancelot snapped his stomach a jumble of knots, Lourdes alive. It made his heart soar and sink in the same breath, if her letter was true, he had a lot of work to do. Even if it wasn't he was still angry livid. Because she tried to die to escape him.

Kylas face tensed and glared back at them and narrowing in on Lancelot. "What do you care, you fool. I know my best friend she killed herself or at least tried to to get away from you and her." Kyla pointed to Guinevere. She turned looking at Tristan and growled kicking his knee watching him fall. "You ever put your hands on me again like that I'll cut them off. Yes it is true, " Kyla whirled on them. "Lourdes begged for her peaceful death. We could not let that happen, she would not die in vain. She hast to much left to do. Besides if Guinevere is barren who will give birth to Britons future king since she will never give Arthur children? Viviane had a point in doing what she did. Lourdes would not let Briton fall into ruin. Never! Why can't you leave well enough alone, leave her alone. She was happy in Avalon. I was a fool to talk her into coming here." Kyla growled glaring at Arthur and Lancelot. She knew her friend and knew the heartache and demon she faced. It was Lancelot, always….Lancelot. Lourdes should not have to bare the burden of loving him.

Arthur came around the table quicker them lighting in her face. "Dare you decide my sisters fate and mine, without consulting me. Lourdes cares for no man and will bare no children this you know. Dare you lie to us all, I trusted you Kyla, and you women have gone to far now…" He turned to the knights. "Saddle up we are going to Avalon"

"NO! LEAVE HER ALONE!!" Kyla raged at him.

Arthur spun on her. "You will come with us, I won't have you running off to warn her, my sister and your lady had stepped over the line this time." He growled and the knights moved quickly from the room to saddle up.

They arrived at Avalon by sunset and there were boats waiting for them and as they reached the Avalon shore Viviane stood there with two other priestess'. Her face was a stony disposition, she was expecting them and her air or regal magic never faded, she was power, and they were on Avalon soil now. No telling what could happen. Arthur was too angry to care. He stepped off the boat quickly with the other knights in tow.

"Where is she Viviane?" Arthur demanded in a low stern tone walking towards her his hand on Excalibur. The other knights in step behind him.

"You shall see her. I did not tell her of your coming. Letting her enjoy her last few moments of peace." She snapped but it was so smooth and eloquently said it was hard to understand the intention.

"We will see her now" Lancelot stepped forward. Viviane met his eyes and it was like hitting a stonewall looking at her as they flashed.

"You…you are the reasons he destroys herself. All over you, you fool, and now it will be too late for you, for she is far to dare, cold, and jaded, to ever believe you or give you a chance. Yet Britons future will be on her head." Viviane's tone a cold whisper as she spoke to him and the wind that blew caused by her aggression gave them all a chill. Lancelot looked at her taken aback.

"You knew.." He whispered confused.

"Of coarse I knew you fool, I raised her here, I knew why she came to Avalon. I knew what the letter said. Do not tell her of it. If you care at all, do not tell her you got the letter. Win her of your own words and actions; do not expect an easy fight when you do either. Lourdes sis above everything else stubborn and strong willed, and she guards herself far to closely now." Viviane told him, giving him the only wisdom she knew to give right now.

Lancelot was taken aback by her words but they made sense and he nodded as Viviane turned and nodded and they walked through the mists till it revealed the land, the isle of Avalon, and like Tristan they were all awe inspired for a moment. Looking at the majestic beauty that was the isle of the druids, of the High Priestess and the disciples of the Goddess. They walked a ways till they were perched on the same hill Tristan was a few days prior.

They all stood in a line seeing not far below the cottage and Lourdes outside sitting once again gazing and smiled at something the woman next to her said. Lancelot stepped foreword and sighed in relief seeing her for himself finally and it was true she was alive. The knights began down the hill as Kyla and Viviane stood atop it still watching knowing Lourdes would never forgive them for this, for it wasn't the knights or her brother but one man that she ran from the one that was gaining closer and closer to her at the moment without her knowing.

Lourdes sat talking to Simara and laughed she looked around smiling peacefully, her life had been so much less stress, even by the means she had to go through to achieve it. She felt something odd though as if darkness were closing in and she looked around what her gaze caught coming down the hill froze her blood and she looked atop it to see Viviane and Kyla standing there and then back to the knights. They were reaching the bottom of the hill. Maybe a hundred feet from her. Her brother looked at her with a smile, looking relieved to see her as well as the others, but the dark gaze she met from the one man she never wished to see again was what sent chills through her, there was something in that gaze, the stance, she swore never to be put against him again, and she meant to keep that promise. She shot up from her seat and she bolted across the landscape towards the woods maybe a hundred feet in the other direction of the hill, Kyla and Viviane held there breath with a start as they took a jolted step watching her run. Arthur started as well yelling after her not knowing why she would run from them. "LOURDES!" He called. Lancelot wasn't letting her get away though; he bolted after the sheer determination of a stallion as he ran never losing sight of her.

She ran glancing back seeing the streak of black that was Lancelot coming after her. By the Goddess couldn't he leave her alone, and let her live in peace. She bolted into the woods and Lourdes slowed moving behind a tree making no noise for him to follow her by, calming and quieting her breathing. Lancelot entered the woods looking around hearing nothing and circled. "Lourdes, this is even beyond you I thought, faking death." He called. "You know thee is no place your brother wouldn't hunt for you." He slipped himself from view hiding and waiting for her to emerge.

It wasn't her brother she was hiding from but him. She wanted free of him. She kept her charade for her sanity. She moved after awhile from behind the tree not hearing anything in awhile and went to move deeper into the woods. It was moments of security before she felt strong arms circle her waist and hold her. "Don't think so princess, you're coming with us." That strong rough husky voice whispered in her ear and she tensed. Then began to struggle relentlessly.

"No…let me go. Leave me alone." She kicked as he raised her and spun her in his arms. She stopped struggling looking at him that intense brown gaze boring down on her and it froze her. There eyes bore into one another's as she took deep angry breaths. Lancelot looked over her face not believing it was her, but it was and it made him so happy, but angry at the same time, but Viviane's words filtered through him, he knew if he told Lourdes he read the letter she would close off. He needed to play her weasel his way into her and get her to open up to him. Easier said then done he knew. HE was livid still at the fact she had lied, and made them believe her dead. His grip tightened on her.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He asked angrily. "What kind of fools do you take us for?"

Lourdes struggled against him clenching her teeth angrily. "Whoa re you to judge my actions, I wanted away from YOU. You sniveling ninny. Trying to always play nice with me, and make everything beautiful. Well it won't be. I HATE YOU!" She growled and spit on the ground at his feet.

Lancelot's jaw tensed, this was going to be a hell of a lot harder then he anticipated. Her new life had rejuvenated her reserve. Maybe the letter was a ploy of Viviane's and Lourdes truly did hate him. "Why is that again Lourdes you would go through all this to get away from me alone because you hate me? Explain to me why that makes sense. Or why every time you see me with another woman you try to kill yourself." He jerked her in his grasp pulling her straining figure against him.

Lourdes eyes narrowed widening in her rage slightly before she hauled off and slugged him. Lancelot's head jerked and his hand came to his jaw. Maybe she didn't write that letter after all for her to be so defensive over the statement yet she gave no answer as she glared down at him.

"Like it or not Lourdes, I will always be apart of your life. Not even in death can you escape me." He looked at her shaking his head lightly. Her face could kill the look was so murderous, and she struggled as he grabbed her to drag her back to Arthur in every term of kicking and screaming.


	36. Chapter 35

Wow I didn't realize how long I had let this story sit and grow cob webs. I adore it so, and there is still so much more for it do and surprise you all with. So here I go I will attempt to salvage it. I think the last few chapters were screw up on my part I had a couple ideas and went with this one but I don't know if it was the right one yet. We shall see I guess. Any of you lord of the rings fans I have a Legolas story you can check out as well.

The weeks that passed with Lourdes' return to the fort were tense and anything but peaceful. She had gone silent refusing to speak to anyone. The journey from Avalon was a restless one. She had locked herself in her room upon returning refusing anyone who came to the door. She took food in the middle of the night that had been left outside her door. Arthur tried desperately to talk to her even through the door but was met only with something shattering on the other side of the door. Even Kyle was ignored.

Kyla and Tristan had grown tense and hard as well, barley speaking. The knights would look at one another over meals and sigh. There was nothing else to be done but wait. See if this would end. It showed no signs of ending. The palpable thick air of tension, apprehension, resentment, fear ect. It didn't end. It was continuous, still after weeks no one saw or heard from Lourdes, Arthur began to regret his decision. He didn't know if this was fixable anymore. If he really had pushed her to far. Wondering why she craved death more then to be with him. Once again he rose form the table leaving a barley touched plate of food before exiting the round table. Guinevere looked after him and sighed looking back to the table as did Kyle whose shoulder was shown to Tristan she barley looked at him most days now.

Something was different though, there was something on the breeze, Kyla felt is, and she believed they all did. Something was just different or about change or happen. Something was coming. Which only made the air thicker and hungrier, angrier.

Lancelot soon followed leaving a still full plate to follow his friend he followed him to see him outside Lourdes' door pleading with her. It broke him to see his friend in such a state. Seeing Arthurs hand rest on the door wishing to see and touch his sister again. You could not hear any movement or breathing.

"Maybe she has jumped the window and left" Lancelot said gently resting his shoulder against the cold stone wall next to him.

"No," Arthur said without looking at him. "I can feel her still here. I know you can as well" Finally Arthur's gaze moved to him. " Have you tried?" Arthur gestured to the door.

Lancelot could not help a chuckle." Yes but you know no good will come of that. Me speaking to the door only makes her stay in there longer." Lancelot's gaze went to the floor sadly. It hurt him to know such truths, feeling how he did for her now, knowing how he felt for her now. Also feeling as conflicted as he did.

"Lancelot whats going on?" Arthur asked pleadingly.

Lancelot looked up slowly meeting his friend and kings gaze. "I wish I knew myself friend" He said in a gentle whisper. Before anymore could be said there was loud noises at the fort doors and a guard came down the hall towards Arthur.

"My Lord, the Lady Viviane is her and Merlin is with her. She said she must speak with you" Arthur's brow furrowed as his eyes narrowed and he looked at Lancelot then back to the guard.

"Show her and the Merlin to the roundtable. We do not disgrace Avalon in this land." Arthur said finally and then looked at Lancelot.

"She said she must speak with Guinevere and Lancelot as well." The guard added.

Lancelot looked to the guard then Arthur. Arthur nodded. "Very well, summon my wife after showing them to the room" The guard bowed and left. Arthur looked to Lourdes' door and then to Lancelot. " Yet not Lourdes" Arthur raised a brow and he and Lancelot made there way to the roundtable room.


	37. Chapter 36

Arthur entered the roundtable his eyes moving over Viviane as Guinevere came to stand next him and Lancelot. Merlin and Viviane stood on the far side of the table. Arthur's eyes were unforgiving on her yet Viviane stood as stoic as always unphased.

"You are bold to come here my lady," Came Arthur's cool greeting.

"No I am not this land was mine before it was yours. She replied gently. We made it yours." She raised her chin slightly daring him to defy her. Arthur didn't only a clench of his cheek betrayed his emotions.

"We told you this time would come. Lourdes life has put us in debt.," Viviane continued.

"What debt? What are you speaking of?" Lancelot asked confused.

Viviane looked at him deep into his eyes" Listen to me carefully. A life was given to save Lourdes' we are in debt now for that life. She was not sparred for no reason." Viviane's gaze moved to Guinevere. "Your wife is barren Arthur. It is well known. I Britain has no heir to the throne it will fall."

Guinevere winced at her predicament before speaking. "So what are you suggesting?"

Merlin sighed taking over Viviane. They would not like this news. "Lourdes was spared to give birth to the future king. Briton will not recognize any child of Arthur's that is not with Guinevere. A bastard. They want Lourdes' child, she is a Castus."

Arthur and Lancelot's bow furrowed. "I must force my sister to bare a child" Arthur asked angrily.

"Not just any child," Viviane added and looked to Lancelot which startled him the look in her eyes. " It must be a noble child. Your sister must bare if not yours naturally the next best thing." She spoke the entire time looking at Lancelot." She must bare the second in commands, the first knights child." Lancelots eyes widened his breath hitched as he saw Arthurs head shake earnestly.

"No, NO! I will not ask such a thing of my sister!" Arthur yelled in refusal.

"Artorius you must. If not Britain will fall. There will be war when you are old and have no child. War from all over, Rome; Saxon… they will all want your crown." Merlin said calmly.

Arthur shook his head and paced gently looking to Lancelot "When have you ever been silent?"

Lancelot taken aback was still in shock. "There must be another way. She will never agree to being a pawn. Or to do such things with me. She will not bare my child."

"She will, she must or Britain will fall. Avalon as well. She will never let this land fall from Arthur's hands." Viviane replied.

"You cannot ask this of her. The only way she has known a man is through being forced and violated." Guinevere argued. "You can't make her do this it will kill her." Guinevere never mentioned Lourdes' hating Lancelot though.

Viviane sighed and looked at Merlin. "May I have a moment with Lancelot please?"

Arthur and Guinevere looked at him and he nodded solemnly and they left hesitantly. Viviane brought her gave to be fixed on him. "This is your time your chance. Lourdes is weak, she has been running and fighting you to long Lancelot. Her love for you has killed her. Now if you care for her at all you can heal her. Do you care for her?" Viviane asked plainly.

Lancelot looked at Merlin and then Viviane. "Yes, I do very much. I love her" He said gently and felt a weight lift of him for finally saying it.

"She can't fight you anymore as much as she has tried. She has foght for to long. The fate of Britian lies in both your hands. Will you do this? Show her the true meaning of love?" Merlin asked in his cool even tone.

"In such an intimate moment she cannot hide from you? She will show her true self. Lourdes is a lady of Avalon. She knows many tricks. But in such a moment she cannot glamour herself from you" Viviane said gently.

Lancelot sighed deeply running a hand over his face. The thought of holding her, touching her, loving her how she should be loved. It was all he wanted. "I will do it,"

"You will have to help talk her into it. Make her see the right path. She will fight this oh believe me she will"

"I know," He said gently. "Summon her"


	38. Chapter 37

Merlin walked Lourdes' hand in his the only one she would answer at this point

Merlin walked Lourdes' hand in his the only one she would answer at this point. He told her of their need to speak to her and she entered the room seeing Arthur, Lancelot, Viviane, Merlin and herself. It unnerved her, she didn't like the chill it gave her and the foreshadowing of what was to come. Her eyes scanned all theirs and she didn't like the nervous desperate emotions in all their depths. Merlin kept hold of her hand almost afraid she might run it seemed and it made her stomach knot.

"What is this about?" She finally asked when no one spoke.

"It's about Britons future. You life did not come without a debt as you well know." Viviane replied evenly.

Lourdes' looked at her just as evenly. "A life I did not ask for"

Viviane stepped closer to her the regal fury that she was and the commanding power and dominance taking them all over. "Your pitiful dramatics must end now Lourdes'. Everyone's lives depend on it now." She spoke boldly and pointedly taking Lourdes by surprise.

Merlin Squeezed her hand gently to gain her attention and reassure her to some degree at least. " Lourdes' you are a Castus you are royalty now. Your brother married and is expected to have an heir. With Guinevere's injuries you are well aware that is no longer possible." Merlin shook his head as he spoke gently.

"Un fortunately now that task falls to you" Viviane added sympathetically.

Lourdes' eyes went tense " What? I have to have a child now?"

Arthur took his sisters other hand. "Yes, I know this is so hard. They are right though. As you know. If there is no Castus heir to take my place when I am gone this land will fall to ruin again. It will go to an enemy and war will break out again."

Lourdes' sighed closing her eyes tilting her head towards the floor. "Yes that is true."

They all exchanged looks with Lancelot who was still silent gauging her reactions. "Lourdes' you know if it is not your brothers child, the child you must have must be strong in title and personality. You know you must a knight's child. Britons are scared right now. Peace has come to us and you know we dare not lose it."

"A knight's child?" Kourdes said her brow furrowing and then glanced to Lancelot who slightly flinched waiting for it to click and he saw when it did. Lourdes shook her head and went pale. " No, please…tell me I am wrong please…" She nearly begged looking to Arthur who closed his eyes painfully at her expression.

"No this can't be happening. You want me to have Lancelot's child?!" She yelled incredulously and began to fight the hold Merlin and her brother had on her and they let go as her hands covered her face and she shook her head." No!...that's not possible."

Viviane walked up in front of her. "Lourdes think of this from our end. It is the only rational explanation. The first knight and the kings sister, nearly just as strong as any child the king and queen would have. It would not be fought if he was put on the throne." She explained gently.

"No! What about Gawain, Galahad, DAGONOET! Just not him! Why should I do this anyway I am no good to any man anymore. Why should I be forced to have a child for political purposes" She yelled frantically.

"You will need to marry as well the child cannot be a bastard." Merlin pointed out. Lancelot and Arthur looked at him that wasn't mentioned before.

"What?" Lancelot said surprised.

Lourdes' gaze "Figures you'll consent to bed a woman alright, but marriage and your head wants to explode. Vile pig!" Lourdes spat at him.

Before anyone could do anything Lancelot stepped into her face. " I would marry you in a heartbeat." HE said in whisper to her and serious about it. " I was surprised they hadn't mentioned the marriage before, but it makes sense. I am not as selfish as you Lourdes." He said evenly.

Lourdes stepped away from him and began to pace. "The final answer is no, I don't care what war it starts" She yelled moving to the door and went to open it but a door slammed it shut again and she looked up at Lancelot whose face was still even and hard to read.

"Give us a moment alone will you" He said to the others but his eyes never left her and they exited out the other door. He stood their staring at her for what seemed an eternity before speaking. "You need to stop being a selfish spoiled brat. Everything you do is about you. Arthur needs you for the first time he is asking something of you. Extremely hard and he knows it is."

Lourdes' eyes went wide her head reared back. " I would do anything for my brother." She spt

"Obviously not. Just cause it's me. You will let your vendetta with me keep you from making peace in Briton. You know I consented to this already. I will marry you and have you bare my children. It doesn't bother me. For you to do it though means you have to let go of eighteen years worth of locked doors. So whose the coward in this?" He asked leaning his hand on the door by her head leaning in closer to her.

Lourdes looked at him and shook her head. " I can't. No.."

"Why can't you Lourdes?" He asked simply boring his gaze into hers begging her to just release it all finally. "Why is just me? Why would you marry and share a bed with any man but me? "His voice a whisper but it was firm and probing into her mind.

"I-I can't share any mans bed or be any kind of wife you know this. Not after….after the Saxons." She shook he head and looked down.

Lancelot put is finger under her chin and raised it gently to meet his gaze again. "That act does not need to define you. I would never hurt you, you know that. Whether you want to believe it or not you know it's true."

Lourdes felt the tears build in her eyes this was ridiculous she shook off his hand and ran around the round table to leave out the other door. "No! That's final!" She said firmly and slammed the door behind her. Lancelot let out a heavy breath looking to the ceiling before his fist came down on the door he leaned on in frustration.

Lourdes burst through the castle till she found herself in a corner of the stables in tears and just sunk into a dark corner sobbing.

"Lourdes?" She looke dup startled to hear her name and saw Dagonet and looked down again hiding her face.

Dagonet and looked to her and his face softened, they must of told her. The knights knew already cause it was a huge thing. They also knew Lourdes would refuse.

"Sweet girl come here" He said sweetly taking her hand making her stand and he helped brush her off and hugged her gently. " We know of the burden this would be. They are right though. Lancelot is the best choice. Silly girl, he cannot see hwat the rest of us assumed and thought years ago." He ran a hand over her cheek rubbing the tears away.

"You care for him so much, you have fought so hard and ran so far. Have you ever thought to concede in this battle and see where it ends. You might be surprised. Lancelot has never hated you Lourdes."

"No he has only cared for me as a sister. Those words hurt more then anything. He will marry me cause he is forced to, and forced to share his bed with me. What kind of life it that." She shook her head hugging herself to Dagonet relishing the warm comfort she felt in his arms.

"I do know that you are both as stubborn as mules. If either of you didn't want this to happen it wouldn't Briton in both of your hands. Not only that fight as I still know you both will. You both cannot run forever. NO lives at risk, no more malviolent tendencies. You have no more strength for it I can tell and I believe he is becoming to calm for the situation. Just remember he never hated you, he would never mistreat you and he cares for you in some way He would treat you well Lourdes." Dagonet said gently smileing down at her.

"If nothing else do it for us, your people, for Arthur. We need you too, just as we need him."

Lourdes sighed kissing his cheek and walking of the stables with a sad smile at her "Thank you Dagonet"


End file.
